I'm Dead I guess

"Excuse me? The f**k you mean by death?!" I frantically say to him. That is quite a statement to just casually apeak about.

"Well not exactly."

What the hell is with that 'Well not exactly' bullshit?! You can't just drop a bomb like 'You are dead' and follow up with just that. It makes me quite angry towards his carefree attitude like he is talking about a simple toe stubbed.

"No need to get anxious will explain in due time. Drink a bit of the coffee it will calm you"

"I AM PERFECTLY CALM RIGHT NOW!" I shout at him as I practically jump from my seat. Telling me to drink coffee was the last straw. How can you take this not seriously?

"Calm yourself, boy." he doesn't shout but I can see the anger in his voice. Like a disciplinary agent. "You will drink the coffee and you will calm down."

I could only follow his order. The emphasis on the will part of his talk made the message clear. I pick up the cup of coffee and drink it. It was quite good, the bitterness of the coffee was quite complemented by the sweet of the chocolate. I didn't want to admit it but it did help me to calm down.

"Better?" he asks me in his merry, carefree tone.

"Better. I'm sorry." I answer ashamed of my outburst.

"No problem this is quite a different situation" he continues " But I better explain it. You are going to die, in the morning. A gas leak in the house will make sure you die when you turn the fire on to make breakfast. Right now, your body is calmly sleeping, and your soul is here right now with a body I created for the sake of this conversation."

"Okay..." I say cautiously thinking my words this time around "I don't quite understand, but is there anything else? I don't believe you would go through this length just to tell me about that."

"Indeed, you are absolutely right." he happily speaks. Any trace of his angered self was gone. "You see you can either go to the underworld where your soul will be judged blah blah blah and all that. Or you can take up on my offer."

This thing where he doesn't fully explain the things is really annoying. But can't really complain about it.

"And what would be this offer be?

He takes another bite of his dessert and a drink from his mocaccino.

"Send you to another world," he says nonchalantly without even changing his tone as if this was an everyday occurrence in his life.

"Ha?!"

I couldn't really hold my disbelieve. Does he mean like those stories I read from books and novels? That kind of trope? Seriously? Can't it really be more cliché?

"I can see you are surprised I know but contain your mortal ignorance please?" he says kind of mocking me I feel like it. "But it is true, there are several parallel dimensions, some simply mirroring this one and several others that are completely different with different rules and, in lack of better a word, systems. And we can send you to another world so you can keep uhm... living."

"And what is the catch?" I feel like he is hiding something. "There is no way such a good, and let's face it, unbelievable offer would simply come from someone, especially a god, without expecting something in return"

"Catch huh?" he must be having quite a bit of fun, but I still feel like there is one. "Aren't you the cautious one? Unfortunately for you, no catch or gimmick and doesn't even have to be you., actually."

Doesn't have to be me? Other people were chosen if I don't want to take up his offer. But why?

"You seem to be pondering something." he pulls my attention. "I'm not even reading your mind anymore so if you don't talk to me, we are kind of stuck in this stalemate."

"I'm just thinking why me. If you have other people available, why go to me?"

"Oh quite simple!" he says excitedly "Well, the other world that you are going to be sent to is a tad more dangerous than this one. A place you would call fantasy in a medieval setting, you know like an uh.... videogame! With magic, swords, and all the juicy stuff you humans can possibly imagine. However, there is also the dangerous side of all this too."

"A person who knows how to actually defend themselves and is accustomed to fighting is better, right?"

"Indeed. you see around 180.000 people die every day and surprisingly you were the only one dead who knows something about fighting this time around."

What he says makes sense, why send an inexperienced person if you can send someone that knows what they are doing. And another world? That is even worst than moving from a country to another. But I also like the idea of living instead of going to hell. Humm… I wonder: what should I do? But there is something I must do before.

"What's your answer? My dear impatient mortal."

"You said I die tomorrow, right? Can't I have the time until then to tie a few loose ends? Give my goodbyes?"

"Humm… It wouldn't be very formal but…" he kept pondering about my proposition, and he seemed quite positive towards it. " Fine, I suppose I could let you go until tomorrow… I'll just have to talk to her, damn it."

I can finally get to arrange my thoughts in order. But that part of talking to someone made me quite worried. What kind of individual would make another god this worried about a simple conversation.

"How do we do now? You just take my soul and put it back on my body or is there something I have to do?"

"Hahaha" he laughs, mockingly. This, combined with his annoying demeanor angers me quite a bit. Sorry if I don't know the rules okay? Is not like there is a manual for death. "No, no nothing like that, I'll just snap my fingers and you'll wake up at your bed. But you seem to be forgetting something no?"

"What you mean?"

What could I be forgetting?

"You really didn't think about it did you?" he says losing his smile, at least this time not in anger, more like disbelief. "You are supposed to die in the morning almost as soon as you wake up."

Damn it. I completely forgot about it. I don't think I can do all I want in a few minutes.

"What if I don't make breakfast?" my idea is sound enough. "I don't ignite the stove I don't die. Quite simple no?"

"Then is the old man dying from the explosion and you walking into a more disastrous death," he explains, probably tired of having to explain all this. And after a strong sigh, he continues. "You see, if you escape your first death, fate will try to kill you in more and more gruesome ways until you are dead."

"Is there nothing I can do?" I ask worried, just leaving earth not explaining anything would be pretty bad.

He sighs again and looks at me pretty annoyed.

"I can cash in a favor with Anubis, he owes me from a few centuries ago. You are lucky I like you, for some reason."

"Thank you," I say relieved that I would be able to do what I want to do. But I don't think is only a matter of like. "So you'll just snap and I'll be back?"

"Yep. Good thing you have a smart brain in there." he raises his hand from the table and readies to snap. "At least sometimes a smart brain."

"Wait Wait!!! Can I tell the old man what's gonna happen?" I hurriedly stop him, ignoring the commentary under his breath.

"Yeah, sure go nuts," he says "You just cannot tell him you are going to another world. Secrecy and all that."

And so, he snapped his fingers and for the third time in my life a light shone brightly in front of my face and something unbelievable happens.