Chapter 34: Misery and its Wounds

Gathering water into your hands, you grimace as the numbing cold of the first splash slaps you into awareness. Your eyes sting with the chill, but the once stabbing ache quickly settles into a dull throbbing.

You breath out a small sigh of relief. Your eyes feel as though you haven't blinked for hours, though you know that can't be true. The soreness has more to do with you spending your entire night staring at the ceiling. Not one of your best ideas, but you simply could not force yourself to fall sleep.

You could probably do so now since your body aches with all the accumulated pains of the previous day, but you know it would hardly be the restful sleep you crave. Much as you wish you could get over it, what Kanao said about you continues to bounce incessantly inside your head.

You towel off your face and place your hands on both sides of the wooden basin. You lean forward and let out a deep, lung rattling sigh.

Even now, slackening on your thoughts is enough to bring memories of last night's altercation to the surface. It also did not help that Shinobu had decided to retreat and think rather than immediately soothe your fears, but…

You take in a deep breath and run a hand through your hair. Another sigh slips from your mouth, and this time, you make sure to direct your frustration at the situation rather than at her.

It is fine to be selfish, but not at a time like this. Looking for someone to blame won't do anything but breed resentment, and no matter how bad you feel, you think this situation is likely much worse for Shinobu. Whether by intention or not, Shinobu is caught in the middle. It was better that she gave herself time to think rather than jump straight to action, which might have brought about even more unimaginable consequences.

You rock on your heels and pull yourself away from the water basin. You dry your hands as you continue to think. You find it hard not to feel upset by the situation, but the least you could do is be optimistic and place your trust in Shinobu.

You trudge out of the men's bathroom feeling marginally better than when you had gone in. The atmosphere in the hallway is nice and quiet, and with the cooling winds of a rapidly approaching autumn, you find your dark mood slowly being chipped away.

Unlike Kanao, whose shunning of you came completely out of left field, you at least know what to expect from Shinobu. And since she's already promised to explain the matter later today, it is clear it wasn't her plan to keep you in the dark. That she requested time to herself also means she must have spent it puzzling out how to reach a conclusion.

You were so immersed in wallowing that you nearly forgot you and Shinobu are the same type of people that need time to process and reason. You muss your hair, annoyed at yourself. It's a good thing your brain can still function despite being low on sleep.

At the end of the hallway, a kakushi turns in from the corner. When they're within hearing distance, you wave and call out, "Hey, can you tell me if the kitchen has already started serving breakfast?"

The kakushi halts in his tracks. Facing you, he immediately bends forward in a formal bow. "Good morning, Kuroshio-sama! Yes, breakfast is currently being served. I just had mine, and when I left, I believe the dining hall was at about half of its full capacity."

"Ah, so you've eaten? That's good." Once you ponder a little, you ask, "Did you see Shinobu-san or Kanao-san there?"

"Kocho-sama was not, but I believe I saw Tsuyuri-sama."

What little appetite you have abruptly fizzles out. You still don't know how to face Kanao, and after what occurred last night, you worry that she might burst out again at the sight of you. It is fine to do so in front of Shinobu, but you dread what would happen if she does it in front of the people currently gathered in the Butterfly Mansion.

You never thought you would say this but– food can wait.

There is no telling what Kanao might say, and you don't wish to have your word pitted against hers. Lack of information has never stopped people from discussing events, and you know how easily truth and lies can be distorted beyond recognition. You've personally witnessed, occasionally even dealt with, undesirable situations like that. No one involved has ever gotten away from having dirty water splashed on them, regardless of their role. You have no idea about what Kanao's reputation is among the Corps, but you do not wish to see it getting tarnished alongside yours.

"Thanks for letting me know," you inform the kakushi. "But I think I'll go back to rest a little bit more. I'm not feeling too well, I wouldn't want to spread it around if I've really caught a bug."

The kakushi's eyes blow wide as he scans you from head to toe. You know you must look a pitiful sight. Though you've changed into a fresh set of clothes, your reddened, sore eyes and tired face should be enough to sell an image of someone on the verge of illness. Before you can excuse yourself, the man practically leaps forward, forcing you to stumble a step back.

"Kuroshio-san, you can go ahead and retire to your room. I am more than delighted to assist you by bringing your breakfast!" You must look dumbfounded, because he adds, "I have yet to thank you for the plum wine you gifted to us Kakushi. I understand you might be uncomfortable with my actions, but I wish to repay your favour." He bows again. "Please!"

You want to tell him there's no need to go to such lengths, but the glowing vigor in his eyes tells you attempting to convince him otherwise will be useless. Despite yourself, you smile broadly.

"In that case, let's not remain so formal with one another. Your name, Kakushi-san?"

It is his turn to look dumfounded. He blinks at you. "My name?" When you nod, a look of conflict crosses his what little you can see of his face under the black face shield. His eyes are surprisingly emotive. Eventually, he shrugs and announces, quite energetically, "Miso Kurenai, Kuroshio-sama!"

"Then Kurenai-san," you give him a short bow. "I'll be troubling you."

"No, no, it's no trouble at all!" The kakushi seems to vibrate in place, looking like he's ready to start bouncing off the walls. "I won't take long, so please look forward to having a great meal!" After saying so he races off in the direction of the kitchen, the hem of his black uniform flapping like wings behind him.

You huff out a laugh. You aren't privy to how the Demon Slayer Corps delegate kakushi to their posts, but you know they tend to rotate between the home bases of each Pillar. From Kurenai's energetic personality, you don't think he originally served in the Butterfly Mansion.

---

Aoi has both her hands planted squarely on her hips as she glares you down. "I was wondering why we had to make double the amount of food we usually do. So, it turns out that you were behind it!" She shifts her fearsome gaze to the dining table, covered in a multitude of bowls brimming with food you couldn't force yourself to finish. "Ryuu, I know you have a large appetite, but you really overestimated yourself this time!"

As you weather Aoi's scolding, your dignity in shreds, your mind flashes back to the scene an hour before. You had opened the door to let Kurenai set your table with the breakfast he promised, but instead of the satisfying meal you had expected… the feast of a thousand souls was what awaited you.

Dishes piled on dishes, stacked to your eye level on various parts on his person. It was a miracle that Kurenai had carried everything without dropping a single bowl. The sight had shocked you into silence– giving the kakushi enough time to rush in and set your table. By the time you came to your senses, Kurenai had already backed out of the door, bowing profusely as he went.

Leaving you with enough food for a large village.

"Just look." Aoi jabs a finger at your bulging stomach. "You're almost about to explode! I won't be shocked if you end up with indigestion later."

When Aoi exhausts everything she's wanted to say, you take the chance to speak. "In my defense–" You can practically see Kurenai prostrating himself before you, knocking a hole into the floor with the intensity of his apology. You sigh.

"No, you're right. It was my fault for overestimating myself. I clearly wasn't thinking straight." You wave towards the two third of dishes you had been unable to scarf down, "I'll inform the mansion's book keeper about this incident and make sure he bills me for the wasted ingredients."

"H-Huh?" Aoi's fierce look falters at your words. "You don't have to do that Ryuu, I was just–" She cuts herself off when you shake your head.

"Even if my actions brought about unintended results, they should still be accounted for." Kurenai's enthusiasm is easily chalked up to over eagerness, without intention to harm. You don't know how he managed to get that much food out of the kitchen in the first place, but what's done is done. And frankly speaking, you feel bad for the kitchen staff. They must have had to work doubly hard after the amount of meals prepared turned out to be lacking.

You shrug, saying, "The least I can do is part with a small amount of money to make up for the troubles I brought." You tap Aoi's head in admonishment. "Stick to your convictions."

"Alright," Aoi replies, looking slightly embarrassed. "Um, since you're paying for the food… do you want to take them back?" Your hands immediately shoot up in surrender. Aoi snorts out a laugh. "So, what do you want to do with them?"

"You could keep a portion of it for my dinner. As for the rest… it's a waste to throw them after all the effort put into making it, but I don't see any other choice."

"Alright," Aoi replies. "Are you sure you want to have the same thing for dinner, though? You don't have to force yourself, Ryuu."

You nod in confirmation. "Don't worry about it. Stale food isn't something I'm unfamiliar with. Just remember to exclude my dinner portion so there won't be any wasted extras." You glance at the mountain of left-over food and rub your stomach. "Though either way, I'll still need to walk off the extra weight I gained. My current state suggests I'm in danger of becoming a demon's midnight snack."

Aoi rolls her eyes at your dramatism. "See you later, Ryuu."

You walk out of the dining hall with your newfound belly and an extra layer of missing skin. The lecturing you received had been that intense. Well… you'd known what to expect when you carted your unfinished breakfast back to the kitchen. A small measure of mercy was that the dining hall was fairly empty when you cut through, piggy backing all that leftover food.

What you said about paying back for those ingredients was in the spur of the moment, but thinking about it again, you reaffirm that it is the best course of action you can take. You didn't work hard to hone your merchantry to not use money for your own selfish motives on occasion. And spending it to retain the goodwill of others feels far better than using it to buy meaningless goods.

"Haah, what a morning." You stop near an open window, lifting your arms in a stretch as a light breeze sweeps in, caressing your face. The sky outside is a calm, cloudless blue. Faint sunlight spills onto your tired body, imbuing it with warmth and easing the stiffness in your limbs. A wave of drowsiness overcomes you, and you bring a hand to your mouth to stifle a yawn.

The after effects of your heavy breakfast seems to be combining with your lack of sleep. If there was a pillow anywhere in sight, you know you'd tumble straight into it. You probably won't be up until the next morning if that happens.

You lightly slap your cheeks. "There's no way I can rest before I listen to that explanation Shinobu promised."

It's only early afternoon, so you're not sure if Shinobu is free from her duties. But it can't hurt to check, can it? Deciding on your next course of action, you tidy up with a slight adjustment to your collar and smooth down the front of your kimono and start walking.