I Am My Father's Daughter: Penny

His eyes were unblinking when I told him about the kiss. It was hard, but I had to do it. He told me that despite his suspicions about our friendship, he trusted me.

Forgiveness wasn't the issue, he did that surprisingly fast. It was the question I couldn't answer that ended things.

"Do you feel the same for him? Just be honest."

I fight the urge to look away. AJ's not reacting on emotions, but purely on facts. It's clear that he's willing to let me go if necessary. This hurts more than the wondering.

Unable to face my inner truths, I say, "You mean a lot to me."

He shakes his head, disappointedly. "That's not what I asked."

I gnaw at bare lips until they sting. When the tears well up I look away despite his figure morphing into a blob. "I'm sorry."

He pats my leg and sighs."Yeah, me too."

He plants a long kiss on my forehead. I hold onto the moment for as long as I can, inhaling his scent.

"Take care of yourself, Penny."

He drives off, and when out of my view I push back the empty feeling creeping up my spine. Reminding myself that the hurt will soon fade, I go inside.

Dad's fixing a bowl of ice cream. "Baby girl, you okay?"

The brave face cracks. Before I can break down he's got me in his arms, rubbing circles on my back. It's everything that I need.

He walks me to the bar stool. "Tell me all about it."

I eat my weight in butter pecan once I'm through venting. For his sake, I leave out some major details.

He doesn't need to know that Matt is the other guy. I wouldn't want things to get weird with them, they've always had a nice relationship. Plus, he'll rough up anyone who so much as French kisses me without a ring.

Talking to him gives me a boost of strength, and for now the hurt isn't so bad.

"You're a smart girl, you'll figure it out. I told your mamma you'd be a heartbreaker." He chuckles. "You look just like your daddy, you can't help it." He steals my ice cream unapologetically. "Now that I know what you did, you don't deserve this bowl. This is your punishment."

I giggle. "Wow dad, way to knock me when I'm down."

"You know I'm just teasing." In a few bites the dessert is gone. "It's just apart of growing pains. Ask me how many I had before your mamma. Maaannn you couldn't keep the ladies off of me, I had to fight my way to class every morning!"

We wash our bowls in the sink.

"Let's see what mom has to say about all of that."

"How many relationships are you trying to ruin tonight, baby girl?"

I wince. "Low blow."

"I liked him," he says. "The next one better be running for president."

I push aside his wagging finger. "Goodnight daddy, love you."

I hug him tight before we head upstairs. He grins, flashing his dimples.

"I know that I joke around, but you do know that you're perfect on your own, don't you?"

"I know."

"Good. Love you, get some sleep."

~

That night made losing AJ bearable, but it still couldn't prepare me for talking to Matt.

He's grabbing the last of his bags for the campus tour to Washington University in St. Louis. Rose is waiting in the van, and I'm standing off to the side as Ben and Matt finish talking.

It rained earlier, and from the looks of it we'll see some more later this afternoon.

"I can't believe that you're not going to be on WashU's basketball team! I've seen you shoot, they're missing out on a good player."

"After this fall I'm done with school sports...Besides, I'm not touring WUSTL. I'm touring the School of the Art Institute of Chicago," Ben says.

Matt looks surprised. "You two aren't going to the same college?"

The news catches my ear. I listen closely.

"SAIC has more to offer, but it's not too far. We'll still see each other often."

Matt leans against his car. "Does she know that?"

He's wearing our college's hoodie while Ben's in his usual button down.

"We've talked about not going to the same school before, and I told her earlier this week."

"So, you're not going on the trip to WashU?"

Ben shakes his head. "I'm just seeing her off."

I wonder how she took it. She'd have liked for them to be on the same campus, but I'm sure they'll figure it out. Long distance is tough, but she and Ben have something worth trying for.

Ben goes over to Matt's dad's van. I have a moment alone with him. He gives me a faint smile, the one he's been reusing for weeks. It's polite, and holds nothing behind it.

That's all I'm given now.

"Hey, Matt. Got a minute?"

He hardly glances my way, throwing a bag over his shoulder and pulling up the lever to his suitcase. "Sure."

I push on, ignoring the tightness in my chest from being one-worded.

"I feel awful about that night." I blurt it out. When he doesn't respond I talk faster. "Anyway, I apologize for everything, and I hope things can get back to how they were."

He doesn't say it, but my answer isn't what he wanted to hear. His jaw sets. "Of course."

"Two words. I guess we're getting somewhere." My joke flies over his head, landing in L-ville with a weak thud.

"Look, we're fine. I'm not mad at you." He sighs, pulling out headphones from the pocket of his hoodie. "And sorry things didn't work out with AJ. I know that must've sucked."

He brushes past, earphones in before I can respond.

He's sincere, almost meaning every word. He's not mad, and really is sorry about AJ. But I know we're not fine.

I'm mentally drained, yet I shake myself off and force a smile. The only thing that I can do is hope that Matt comes around one day.

When Ben waves goodbye and Matt's dad cranks up the car, a scary thought enters my mind.

What if he never does? What will life be like without him in it?

I replay my dad's words. Though I don't believe it at the moment, I tell myself that either way life will be great. Just like my eyes, dark clouds swell above, holding back their waters for later today.