364. Of flights, ships and a little bit of strength

Cassandra Pendragon

I really missed the times when Greta had just been an old and wrinkly kitsune. Especially when I wanted to curse her six ways to Sunday. Young, beautiful dryad simply didn't have the same ring to it as old, slightly decomposing hag. Oh well, beggars can't be choosers and I wasn't actually mad at her. Not really. Had I enjoyed the conversation with the girls? Not one bit. Would I rather have skipped it all together? Not at all. It had been interesting, to say the least. 

Now, you might be wonder what I'm blabbering on about, but I had meant it when I had said that I had finally understood Greta's intention. It tied back to our last conversation, when she had told me that a life was a life, no matter the circumstances and now I had seen it first hand. Compromises and corruption, joy and suffering, in the end the scale didn't matter all that much. Whether it was my immortal family selling off their principles or them selling their bodies… I had called myself a guardian when Quenda had asked and if I wanted to live up to the title I had better stop being condescending and start taking people at face value. Those girls had had their reasons… and so had my family. It didn't mean I had to forgive and forget, but if I didn't plan on ending up on the wrong side of a katana again, I'd have to listen, to understand, and maybe accept that the way I viewed the world wasn't necessarily the only valid approach. A few exceptions aside. I wasn't so sure about Amazeroth anymore, but when I was going to meet Michael again I was still going to shove my spear up his ass, crosswise, no questions asked. 

Still puzzling over whether or not I had actually learned something new or simply been able to admit it to myself, I hadn't realised where my feet had been taking me. When I looked up again, my eyes squinted against the bright, scorching light, I had reached the end of the Garden where the throngs of sweating humans were slowly thinning out. By no stretch of the imagination was I alone, more than enough people had decided to seek shelter from the sweltering heat underneath the few already repaired roofs instead of the overcrowded space around the trees, but it still felt less like the line in front of a Starbucks during rush hour and more akin to a sophisticated Broadway play. In terms of attendance, that is, the rest…not so much.

I quickly looked around but none of the faces sparked a memory, even though I might have seen them once in a while. Judging from the snippets of conversation I heard quite a few were boastfully showing off the fruits of their labour to their friends, which placed them neatly in the "we are actually neighbours even though you can't remember me" category, while others were hurriedly shrinking away along the shaded alleys. Those definitely hadn't gotten used to me, yet. 

Absentmindedly I rubbed the soles of my boots over the freshly laid cobblestones, trying to figure out if I should head back directly. There wasn't much for me to do here and, honestly, I didn't feel overly welcome either, despite of the few friendly smiles I saw pop up here and there, mostly on the faces of the ones doing the showing off. Hardly surprising, I had helped them get a roof over their heads and shatter the shackles they had been bound with for most of their lives, after all. Apparently there still was a small chasm between gratitude and appreciation, though, since none of them dared to approach me. Ah well, might as well make the best of it and take a short break.

A cloud of ozone was carried away by the wind, silvery light banished the shadows, lurking underneath windswept pediments, for the fraction of a heart beat and I was gone, the afterimage of my unfurling wings the only trace I left behind. I settled down, my back against the chimney of a three story building, the city sprawling away behind it, my tails a comforting, living blanket I could snuggle into. The coarse shingles were hot to touch but the heat relaxed my muscles and I took a deep breath, my gaze wandering over the colourful conglomeration of races and people, surging around the trunk of the giant tree like a living, breathing wave.

Laughter and exclamations, snippets of foreign songs and strange languages assaulted my ears while I calmed down, the smell of roasted boar and potatoes, spilled wine and opened casks of mead enticed my nose while the flood of my incoherent thoughts slowly subsided. Usually all it would have taken was a single touch, a friendly word from Ahri and I'd have been able to shove the whole conundrum away but, unfortunately, I didn't have that luxury and I also didn't want to disturb her every time I felt lost. The poor girl wouldn't have been able to leave her room if that had been the case. 

A self deprecating smile tugged on the corners of my mouth as I forcefully tore my eyes away from my own farewell party and allowed my gaze to travel to the horizon. Somewhere behind the sea she was waiting for me and the longer I dragged this out the longer I would have to wait until I could hold her in my arms again. Still, I didn't yet feel ready to descend into the bowels of society again. A few minutes wouldn't make…

A dark speck, almost invisible among the feathery clouds, caught my attention. I frowned and a pulse of energy reached my eyes, just as the outlines of a huge sky ship came into focus. Damn it, it even sailed under a flag. An emerald meadow with a white crown underneath a stylised castle, seamed in purple, fluttered in the heavy, dark smoke that blew from two chimneys. High nobles, for sure, if not royalty, but for the life of me, I couldn't place the heraldry. My eyes narrowed as I focused on the ship itself and what I saw made me clench my teeth.

A huge, bloated, wormlike monster, that made Jabba the Hut look like beauty incarnate, sprawled on deck, its fat coils resting on soft velvet pillows. At least it didn't have a chained up princess close by but was instead surrounded by a formidable group of seasoned warriors. In one of my lives I had heard someone say that the better the army, the less flamboyant their appearance and these guys really looked like professionals. Dark, wooden shields, gleaming weapons and not a speck of gold or silver to break the matte lines of their steel grey armour made them seem like statues. With closed visors they weathered the merciless heat without so much as a single movement betraying their discomfort. Truly admirable, especially since I didn't see a single enchantment on them, but unfortunately the better they were, the more trouble they were bound to bring.

The ship itself didn't assuage my worries either and I bit my lip while I scrutinised the flying behemoth of steel and just a hint of wood. The thing had been constructed with war and conquest in mind, its sides covered in huge slabs of polished steel, its bow fitted with the most massive ram I had ever seen and I had grown up close to a dwarven colony. Its three masts were massive, the ironwood enforced with chains, and the sails themselves would blot out the sun if it passed by overhead. The decisive lack of enchantments on the soldiers was a stark contrast to the blinding torrents of magic I saw flooding through every hawser, every beam, and the complicated array close to the steering wheel was testimony enough to the proficiency of whichever caster had set up the spells. I couldn't be sure from the distance but I'd have wagered quite a sum that firing a few nasty surprises at whomever was stupid enough to challenge them wasn't all the flying fortress was capable of.

I already hovered a metre above the roof, ready to launch myself across the sky, before I paused. Usually I wouldn't have hesitated to pay them a visit, long before they could even come close to my home, but now… if I was going to stay my hand and let Mordred deal with all the shit that was going to crop up here and there, I could just as well start now. Which meant I'd have to inform my dear brother but other than that… The only reason for me to become involved would be the possibility that my friends weren't able to face that oversized worm and its toy on their own and, with my mom, Sera, Alassara and Greta around, the chances of that happening were about as good as me winning the next Nobel peace price, which is to say slightly less than me hushing it out with Michael or the Emperor.

I squinted my eyes and tried to gauge their speed, but without a fixed point to compare their progress to it wasn't easy. Still, they'd be here in about two hours, give or take, plenty of time to say my goodbyes to Layla, her mother and my family. Not to mention offer Faelan and Anna the chance to accompany me. Afterwards I'd rally my mismatched band of misfits and be gone, long before Jabba would even have the chance to land. At least in theory. In practice I could already hear Mordred's complaints. I didn't mean to hang him out to dry but if he was going to take the reins, he better be able to deal with a self serving, wormlike prick all on his own. Provided the ugly worm was even a prick. He could be Mother Theresa for all I knew, even though I didn't think it very likely. There was just something about its appearance that made me wary. Or I had simply watched Star Wars once too often.

"Sera is going to swallow him in one bite, just after your mom has ripped out his heart," Ahri sent consolingly, "if he so much as looks at them the wrong way."

"Now you decide to become involved," I complained. "Couldn't you have talked to me ten minutes earlier? That would probably have spared me quite the headache."

"I thought about it," she admitted, "I did listen, after all, but I just couldn't figure out what to say. What would you have done in my stead?"

"The same," I sighed. "Some things we have to come to terms with on our own. Still, since you obviously aren't as busy as I thought… what do you think?"

"About what? Prostitution or that there actually might be a reason why our siblings have fallen?"

"Seriously?"

"Fine, I do know what you mean." She paused, images form times long gone swirling through her mind, much too fast for me to gather even a single glimpse. "You once told me," she continued, "that knowledges inspires understanding and understanding engenders forgiveness. I'm all for the former, but the latter… I'm never going to forget nor forgive the people who made me…"

"Stab me?"

"Turn away from the one being I actually love. If he had had us both killed… but he didn't. There's no coming back. At least from where I'm standing."

"I'm not talking about Michael," I replied, much more calmly than I had felt in hours, "but what about the rest?"

"I've never lumped them all together anyways, that's always been you. I guess we'll have to see how it goes when we meet them."

"Provided we are even in a position to make a decision."

"Cassy… I have lived through Lilith's visit with you. In all honesty… if she was to appear in front of you right now, I wouldn't know whom I'd put my money on. Sure, you're a far cry away from keeping anyone safe when it comes to other immortals but challenging one on your own… I'm not so sure anymore. They can't touch you and ever since you gained control over your life force I don't see them killing you indirectly either…" something in her thoughts felt off but I didn't even need to say it out loud.

"You're right," she admitted, "that's not it. Your… transformation. I told you I didn't see…"

"Did you lie," I interrupted her, more curious than actually angry.

"No, I didn't. But I also didn't tell you the whole truth. Couldn't you feel it?"

"I didn't bother prying. Should I have?"

"Probably not. Look, I didn't see, nor do I know, but… I felt it. When you transform you feel… just like you did in the past. Worse, to tell you the truth. It… scared me and I know that you would never lay a single finger on me. You've proven it time and again. If I feel threatened… just imagine what it must be like for anyone else."

"In darkness and silence the devil grows," I mumbled, even though I wasn't entirely sure why I said it. She was, though.

"And in the light he spreads his wings. Do you still trust yourself so little?" She didn't need to explain. The one thing weighing most heavily on my mind was my own power. For a while now I had been unearthing hints and secrets that seemed to point at a fact I had already voiced out loud. Even in comparison to my siblings I was different. Before I had always brushed it off, being one amongst a few hundred in all of a creation wasn't that different from being alone… but it was. I didn't want to have to shoulder the responsibility for my world, not to mention the cosmos. I wanted to do it of my own accord, as one of many who could have picked up the mantle, but, as it stood, I might have very well been the one creature who was even remotely able to stand against the oncoming storm and that… scared me out of my mind for should I fail there'd be no one else and with my track record failure was a very real option.

"I trust you more," I finally whispered. "Sometimes I just wish…"

"That our roles were reversed? You don't really mean that."

"Have you met me? Of course I do. It would allow me…"

"To throw yourself in front of even more bullets without a guilty conscience? No thanks. If it takes the weight of reality to get it through that thick skull of yours that you shouldn't throw your life away for anyone then so be it, but don't expect me to feel bad for you. In fact, I'm quite grateful that you're finally starting to see some sense. This isn't my story, it's yours, and you're the one who has to see it through, no matter the cost." That… hurt.

"Right back at you. You know as well as I that I'm going to follow you, whatever happens. This isn't my story, it's ours, and if you're too blind to…"

"I'm not… and we're going in circles." I didn't know how she managed but somehow she disentangled herself from my thoughts, just far enough to make me feel like I was in my own body while she wrapped her tails around me. "I guess until death do us part isn't enough for you," she breathed.

"It never was, but I didn't expect to have so much hinging on our continued existence." I couldn't hide how I felt and neither could she, the confusing mixture of warmth and ice cold fear a growing yet terribly familiar knot in my stomach. For a moment we simply enjoyed each other's company, took refuge in each other's presence, but time was running out and we knew it. It hadn't been the last time we were going to have this conversation but, for now, there was nothing more to say.

"What are you going to do about the ship," she finally asked.

"Nothing. I'm done missing you. I'm not going to stay for another hour."

"Somehow I feel flattered, but yet…"

"Weren't you the one telling me there's nothing to worry about?"

"I was. But I don't want you to leave unless you believe there's nothing to worry about. I'm not the only one who needs you, you know. I can wait a few more hours." 

"Maybe, but I can't… I don't want to."