Chapter 22 : Don't slap the ass

Greetings from the Solibus!! This symbol < > which can be seen in front of and at the conclusion of some dialogs in this chapter, signifies the internal dialogue between Noah and Psyche.

That's all Enjoy the long chapter.

[Start of the chapter]

So it all started on a rainy day in the lovely rat infested city of New York.

Why New York ? Is Noah Planning on wrecking havoc again?

Well... not yet.

Noah is visiting New York for entirely other reason

And that is .....

-----Mini flash back-----

"I'm broke "

Muttered Noah while floating around the room with both arms and legs crossed.

He kept on floating for a while until Psyche materialized on a close by chair while saying.

<"Broke is just a mindset. Let's go rob a bank">

Then proceeded to put both of his legs on the table.

Noah faced Psyche while being in midair, then said.

Noah:

<"You see that's what I exactly thought at the start, then I remember all boring work that's comes after robbing banks and I decided against it. I don't want to wait for Shenron know how long before I could use the cash i *borrowed*">

After a brief pause, during which they both tried to think of a way to make easy cash, Psyche resumed discussing.

Psych:

<" Then how about kidnapping Rich people and asking for ransom? Easy Money if you ask me, we could just kidnap one to the middle of nowhere and boom we rich.">

Noah:

<" Helloooo earth to Psych, are you there ? Have you already forgotten that we are temporally part of the Masters of the Mystic Arts, we can't go around kidnapping people. The Ancient one would notice, and you already know how much of a pain in the tail she could be ">

Noah replied, but this time he was floating upside down.

Hearing that, Psych began to relax on the chair and started smoking. And after finishing the cigaret in his hand, he asked again.

Psych:

"You know we are stronger than anyone on this Rock We can literally punch down and the entirety of this blue rock will be history, no one can stop us if we want to do something like steal, kill, rule over the world, etc etc, not even the ancient one.">

"Hell, the only reason she could keep up with you was because you were holding back the entire time you two were fighting, and to be honest, I think even She realized that.">

<" So the question is. Why do we limit ourselves? We earned our freedom after all the pain and suffering we experienced, and we can do whatever we want, and I mean anything. The number of people who can stand up to us can be counted on one hand, and the ones who can cause us problems in our current state are even fewer; we can rain unchallenged forever. And I see no reason why we shouldn't.">

After been done with his Monolog Psych went silent, waiting for Noah to reply.

So, after a few minutes, Noah landed in front of a window through which the sunset could be seen.

Noah:

< "We can certainly accomplish this. We could take whatever we want and kill whoever we want. There is almost no one who can stop us with this new body; we can go to different planets, do whatever we want, blow it up, and leave; we can do this over and over until this reality no longer exists, and then we move on to another; but what will happen in the end? ">

<"Where would we go if we destroyed everything and left nothing? Should we just pull out a beerus and sleep until the next reality shows up from the higher planes? What if the humans in our original reality started nuking each other? We'd be fucked!! So we'll just get our usual intake of battles and food and then disappear till it needed">

Noah turned around slowly and faced Psyche.

<"And as for why I take the ancient one in consideration when I act, is because for all her nagging she taught me sincerely, fed me till my stomach was full and gave me a place where I can sleep to my heart content, so I won't be such an ungrateful bastard and start going around making trouble for her..... yet.">

Noah then clapped and moved his arms to his sides.

<" So now that I have answered your midlife crisis question, how about you help me figure out a way to get money for food!!">

Yet again both of them went into deep thought once more, and after what seemed like an eternity, Noah's face lit up and exclaimed.

Noah:"How could I forgot, I can just go to Tony. He still owes me one from healing him"

Without even thinking Noah Jumped through the window smashing in the process and began flying toward Tony Ki signature while a white aura is covering his whole body.

It only took him three minutes to reach the Mediterranean Sea, and that was while he was also admiring the landmarks beneath him cross-armed.

And out of nowhere, Psyche appeared beside him, smoking while lying on the empty air.

Psyche :<" Why aren't we just teleporting to Stark house ?">

Noah: <"Because it's more fun this way, it's like going for a drive in your car.">

Psyche shook his head and went back to smoking, and after seven minutes they arrived at the top of Tony mansion.

Upon arriving, Noah sensed four Ki signatures. Two inside the house and the rest in a helicopter on the roof.

Noah:<"Huh, Is it normal for Tony to have guests at this hour ?">

Psyche:<"This late? Unlikely">

Noah"<"Let's go investigate then">

Noah erased his presence and teleported into an empty room on the second floor of the house.

He walked out and went straight to a observe Tony and whoever meeting him at this hour from above.

As a result, when he arrived at a point where he could see downward, his expression changed to one of annoyance.

Noah: <"Crap basket">

Afterword Psyche appeared while leaning over to get a better look and said sarcastically.

Psyche :<"Oh look, its Samuel L. Jackson. Could you go down and ask him for an autograph for me? ">

Unbeknown to them the day they choose to visit Tony is the same one Nick Fury choose to come and give Tony the talk about the Avengers Initiative.

Noah: <"Yeah, screw this we're skedaddling from here, I'm not going to mix with Fury and his annoying shield any time soon.">

Psyche:<" Huh? But we just go here, don't tell me you won't be going down there and attending one of the most iconic events in marvel?">

Noah: <"Look here you have to understand thats bald people are batshit crazy and would stop at nothing to do what they set their mind on. You don't Believe me ?Ok let me prove it to you.>"

<" First, we have The ancient one. She is someone who is crazy enough to siphon energy from the dark dimension to prolong her life. That's enough to show you how fucked up in the head she is, and also let's not forget that one time she threw Strange into the freezing cold to make him progress faster on his training.">

<"Second we have Professor X another bald person who promotion himself using the X-men and brought the events of the Dark phoenix that killed the Busty Blue Raven or as I call her BBR.">

<"And lastly the biggest Simp in the universe Mr Purple bald head Thanos for all his talking about balance and the killing half of existence, in the end he did what he did just to impress the cosmic entity Death.">

<" So we have a suicidal bald woman who want a successor, A lying deceiving bald scumbag who uses and manipulate the X-men who trusted him for his own agendas. And a Purple genocidal bald headed simp who to impress a woman killed half of the universe.">

<"So do you still want me to go down there and make that Bald Soy bean hell-bent on recruiting us into the avengers? And let's not forgot he Already knows about us not being from Earth and so Hydra as well. That's why I shot down whatever was spying on me back in LA, so they wouldn't have any info on me yet.">

Psyche: <"...">

<"sigh">

<"Alright You have a point.">

<"But at least lets raid Tony Fridge before we go back home, and grab me something to smoke while you at it, Shenron knows how long has it been since i had any.">

Hearing that Noah grinned Evilly and replied

Noah:

<"Aye Aye Cap">

(A few minutes later )

Psyche: <"Food?">

Noah: <"Checked">

Psyche : <"Alcohol?">

Noah: <"Checked">

Psyche: <"Cigar?">

Noah: <"Checked">

Psyche : <"Prefect. Lets heads back home then">

Noah: <" Wait, let me leave a note for Tony before we leave ">

Noah stretched his arm and opened his palm and from within it a golden smooth ball made of Ki appeared and then moved to the center of the kitchen and began a sequence

First it changed into neon words that said.

"Hey Tony I just popped in for some food and saw that u had guests, so I'm stea- taking some food and leaving, oh also I don't have pen and pepper on me, so I'm leaving this instead, Chao."

Second, the ball then changed again into a picture of Noah wearing Master Roshi glasses and making a peace sign with both hands.

And after that it went back to it original form before starting all of that again.

[So it goes like this. Ball,Words,Picture. A/N]

Psyche walked toward the ball and examined it for a few seconds before looking back at Noah and asking

Psyche: <"But why ?">

Noah: < "Because it's fun!! Imagine the look on the Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist's face when he discovers an unknown and unexplainable ball of energy floating in his kitchen changing shapes. Just imagining it is making me smile.">

Noah replied while floating around with two huge bags of Bounty hanging from his tail that he raided from Tony while readying to teleport away.

But before his finger reached his forehead he stopped midway and looked up.

Noah: <"Now that i'm thinking about, there is still two people on the roof i haven't checked on yet">

(Pop)

Thanks to Noah erasing his presence beforehand he successfully teleported into the roof without anyone noticing him.

He got closer to the helicopter and found only the pilot sitting alone while playing on his phone.

The pilot was dress in usual Shield agents attires.

His eyes then shifted to the other person outside the helicopter, and he saw a scene that will be engraved into his mind for the rest of life.

Noah: <"Holy shit">

Psyche: <"That Ass">

They were both staring at a slim-thick woman in a black bodysuit with red hair bending down to plant something on the roof.

Noah: <"Man is this who i think it is ?">

Psyche: <"The black widow in the flesh">

Noah admired the view of the heavenly Thick ass for few minutes before starting to raise his palm slowly.

Psyche: <"Hey Mr. retard what you think you doing ?">

Psyche asked while staring at the slowly raising palm.

If anyone could see Noah's face right now, they would notice that he is in a trance, thinking about only one thing.

Noah: <"I would like to slap this ass">

Psyche:

(Facepalm)

<"Better idea, how about you don't do that ?">

Noah: <"Look, it has being 10000 years since i seen an ass and no one gonna stop me from slapping it now">

Psyche moved in front of Noah and Looked at him dead in the eyes.

Psyche: <"That's stupid, you are stupid, how in the hell You and I are the same person?>

Noah: <" I don't care anymore I want to slap thats ass">

Psyche :<"Stop wanting">

Noah: <" But---">

Psyche: <"NO!!">

Noah: <"But the slap">

Psyche: <" NO SLAPPING!!">

Noah: <" I must" >

Psyche : <" STOP IT YOU IDIOT!!">

Noah : <" SLAP">

(SLAP)

The sound of Noah palm slapping the bending Black widow Echoed throughout the entire place.

Natasha froze for a fraction of a second before unleashing a Back Kick toward whoever attacked her, aka Noah.

But before the kick could reach him....

(Pop)

Noah had already disappeared like a dad that went for milk and said he ill be back soon.

feeling that her attack missed. Natasha then kicked the ground and dashed away from where she stood, hoping to make some distance between her and the unknown attacker.

And when she was far enough , she took out her pistol and aimed it at the direction she dashed from, but she found no one there

She began to carefully scan the roof for another ambush but she found nothing

So after looking around for a bit more and finding no one, Natasha than put her pistol in it holster and began trying to make ups and downs from this satiation.

After few minutes of deep thinking it dawned on her.

The only other person in here is the pilot.

And remembering what part of her body got attacked she put 1 and 1 together.

Her face became as cold as ice and her eyes had the aura of professional killer.

She began to slowly walk toward the helicopter.

And when she reached it Natasha opened the door to the pilot seat.

Startled. the pilot looked to who opened the door and finding out it was Natasha he asked.

Pilot: "Agent romanoff! is there something wron-----"

But before he could finish his question he was interrupted by Natasha punching him straight in the nose.

(BAM)

(Thud)

And so, the poor pilot body lied on the ground knocked out cold.

(Some time Later back at Kamar-Taj)

Noah: "BURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRP"

A thunderous burp echoed throughout the room, signaling the end of Noah meal.

Psyche: <"You done? Good, now hurry and grab something to smoke before i lose my goddamn mind.">

Psyche appeared and urged Noah before disappearing again.

Noah: <"Yeah, yeah, i got it.">

Noah grabbed a box of luxurious cigars out of the bounty bag and then placed it on a nearby table.

He then proceeded to take a cigar out of the box and walked toward the window.

Noah then leaned against the open window and popped the cigar into his mouth.

Afterword he lit it up by releseing some ki from his index finger.

And then he took a deep breath from the cigar.

Psyche: <"ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh that's the good stuff">

With a happy face Psyche appeared again.

Psyche: <" Sweet sweet nicotine, how I missed you my old friend">

Noah: <"Man you sure like to overreact sometimes huh ?">

Psyche: <"Says the guy who was hell bent on slapping ass">

Noah: <"Touche">

After bickering for a bit they both stopped talking and just kept on smoking in peace.

But after few minutes Noah Looked at the relaxed Psyche and said.

Noah: <"You know we still didn't figure out a way to make money">

Psyche first walked to a comfy looking chair and sat on it before replying.

Psyche: <"I don't know if my head feel clearer because of the nicotine but i just remembered something.">

Noah: <" I'm listening">

Psyche: <"do you recall what the saiyans used to do for living before Frieza blew up them up ?">

Noah: <Mercenaries... wait so you want me to be ...">

Psyche: <"A merc yes, we just have to take contracts on scumbags and the Ancient one wouldn't care and won't be a pain in the ass">

Noah: <"You know sometimes you say some helpful stuffs">

Psyche: <"Fuck off. Now that we got idea what to do go to that place">

Noah: <"Yeah lets go">

Noah: <" To the deadpool bar ">

----Mini flashback ended----

And that why is Noah in New York at the time.

Hmm? what is that i hear? The cat? what cat ?

Ohhhh yeah Noche almost forgot about her

While you see Noah Found her in an alleyway on.....

(To be continued)

[Teehee (Wink) A/N]