5 The List

*Sound Effects*

 **Language**

'Thoughts'

"Dialogue"

Today marked the day when the list would be posted, revealing the names of those who made the team. Excitement buzzed through me as Isaiah and I hurried to school, confident in our chances of making it.

Upon reaching the gym, we found a small crowd already gathered along the wall where the list would soon be displayed. The list had yet to make its appearance, but we knew it would happen any moment now. I spotted Trevor and Miles standing in line a bit ahead of us.

*Creak*

The door next to the board opened, and Coach Will emerged with the team list, wearing an unusual expression. He swiftly pinned the list in place, stealing a quick glance in my direction before turning away and retreating into his office.

An air of anticipation hung in the gym as everyone waited to scan the list for their names. Swift reactions ranged from jubilation to disappointment, with some elated to find their names while others were crestfallen, some even shedding tears at the realization they hadn't made the cut. Soon enough, Miles glanced at the list and erupted in joy. Following suit, Trevor checked and shared in the excitement, confirming his spot on the team.

Before I realized it, Isaiah, who was just in front of me, looked at the list, smiled, and quickly after frowned.

"What's wrong? Did you not make the team?" I asked hurriedly. 'There's no way he didn't make it; he's only a junior and outscored his team,' I thought.

"...No, I made it...but I don't see your name," he mentioned quietly.

"What!" I exclaimed, moving to the side to look through the list.

It seemed like my eyes scanned that piece of paper thousands of times, but still, no Javier on the list.

'No no no no no,' I thought with pain-stricken eyes.

"That's bullshit, man; you were the best person out there today. Let me talk with the Coach; I'm not joining unless you join," Isaiah declared angrily.

"Nah, man...it's all good, don't throw away your chance, you just transferred. This is your opportunity to join the team and make a name for yourself and get scouted," I said.

"But—" he began.

"No buts; it's alright, seriously," I insisted.

The school day afterward felt hollow, like the world had lost its color. During 6th period, I went to the restroom and, looking outside the window, noticed that the sky was dark, and rain was pouring. I kept thinking, 'I'm not meant to be in the NBA.' I squinted, holding back tears, wiped my face, and got back to class. Before long, I was on the bus ride home, listening to "In the End by Linkin Park" on my MP4. After getting off and making my way back, I didn't say anything and went to my room. I hadn't told my mom I was trying out again this year; I wanted it to be a surprise when I got on the team. It was better not to let her know; she has enough to worry about.

*Knock Knock Knock*

I heard knocking on my door as I tried my best not to look down. "Yeah?" I said.

**In Spanish**

**"The food's ready, your brothers are on the game, get them off and come eat."** my mom said.

**"Okay, ma, I'll grab them,"** I said before getting up and getting my brothers off the game to come eat. I had two brothers, Andrew and Marcos; Marcos was 17, and Andrew was 16, while I was 18. Today was September 23, 2004, and Andrew's birthday was tomorrow. I felt bad for him and my mom since she couldn't afford much, and I knew she always held herself down because of it. While Andrew didn't say anything, it was clear that he didn't expect much.

As we ate, I looked at my mom and noticed her hands had a couple of bandages. I couldn't help but frown and feel like a failure. I wasn't going to make it to the NBA, and I wasn't going to be able to provide for her as I had planned. 'I need to quit basketball and focus on my grades; at least I can go to college and try to get a degree. That's the only way I can help her.'

After eating, my brothers got back on their game, and I went back to my room. I looked at the posters on the wall of Jordan and Kobe. I loved their game and aspired to reach the heights that they reached. However, I knew it was an unrealistic dream. 'I'm not even 6'0, I can't dunk, and I can't even play basketball on a team,' I thought depressingly.

As I stood under the flowing water in the shower, my mind raced through various thoughts, the droplets tapping against my skin. Closing my eyes, vivid images played in my mind. Reflecting on the past, I can now understand the subtle disapproval on Coach Will's face when the list was revealed. "Well, it's irrelevant now; I'll never make the team," I resignedly thought as I prepared to step out of the shower. After drying off, I confronted my reflection in the mirror—a handsome Hispanic with loose, curly hair staring back at me. "What good is being good-looking if I'm not tall," I mused. Before I knew it, the day had come to an end.

As I laid in bed ready to go to sleep, I kept thinking about this morning, looking at the list. Bottled-up emotions that I'd been holding in for so long. The constant chip on my shoulder for being short. The constant trash-talking I'd endured, thinking I'd show them they were wrong one day. The emotions came rushing out as I cried. 'Why God! I've never been a bad person. Why do these other people get to be tall and get to play in the NBA. Why am I short!' I kept crying. I don't remember when I went to sleep, but the next thing I knew, I was waking up the next morning.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------A/N: It's a tough day for Javi, and life doesn't always unfold as we hope. However, remember, things have a way of working out, albeit in different ways. Also, RIP Chester.