it's all my fault

Aayan's [POV]

I woke up in unfamiliar place, a bedroom with rather three beds in it. 'So I was gonna share a room with some people, ugh'. I wonder where I was, and when I looked through the window, I could see a beautiful scenery beyond. Large compound but with one tree in the middle, it was surrounded with blue and yellowish flowers, the compound was filled with green grass and a small path way in a zigzag shape which gave it a pleasing look. Not far away I could the main road and a river across the road. I was so excited by the beautiful surroundings when I was interrupted by a child voice, " you have rose up, again" he said and I turned, it was a boy, an older boy. "Again?" I asked with confusion. " Yea, you woke up hours ago before dad left and you slept again. Have you not been..." I cut him before he finished. "Wait dad, so my dad is your dad?" I asked excitedly as I moved closer to him. He looked like it was not new and squintted saying he knows me and everybody does. I was abit confused by the everybody. " You say 'everybody' as if your even more than three or something" I said while smiling in a teasing way but he only gave me a worrying look, he was about to say something but I did not let him because I found him boring. But he made an effort to make me listen to him. " Hey, little one, I don't want to scare you but how many do you think we are?.. or how many siblings do you have?" He asked as he sat on of the bed besides mine. " Ummm...two or three...I guess" though I answered him freely but I was now scared of the look he gave me when I said two to three siblings. You know, I of cause wanted siblings so I could get people to play with, talk to, argue and fight with maybe. But I didn't want more than two, okay the worst was three, and I think I have more. The boy looks at me with pity and said to me jokingly, your gonna be disappointed, in your self and your d..dad. but anyway, what is the worst? Your already here, you can no longer leave. My name is Alex, FYI your only eldest brother, and there is Aliin is next to me. Don't mind others, it's us three against the world okay!" He said as he patted my shoulders. Mum used to say that alot. But he said 'only', as if he was reminding me. Is there another eldest brother I mustn't consider eldest? I am fearing what's yet to come.

The door opened as another figure of a boy around Alex's age but I think his older according to the way he talks to him. "I told you to bring her down stairs if she woke up! Why don't you listen?" He was talking while gritting his teeth and anger was on his forehead. " Well it's good you are here, take her yourself, am not your servant to be ordered by you. And I don't think she should come to you guys, why don't you come to her especially when it's you people who are dying to know her story." Alex answered him rudely and then he turned and looked at me ordering, " don't you listen to him and go down there, stay in your bed. If anyone wants to see or know you, they should come to you" he had a point tgere, then he looked back at the other party and they met glances." After all they are not your siblings in real life, they are all fakes" Alex added and as the boy was about to say something, when another boy,badged in, this time he I think his younger cause he called big bro, but he didn't finish when he saw them glancing angryly at each other. "Not again Al, what could be the reason to fight when my dear little princess is watching. You will scare her" he said while looking in my direction. I smiled to the word princess and repeated it, "princess" then smiled again" oh, you don't want to be called princess? Okay then little sis, I won't call you that okay" I signed and turned myself to the window. " Come with me" a voice ordering but I didn't move an inch. "Ohh.. uhhh..arian, his the eldest boy in this house, his name is Kyle, but don't mind him sometimes he behaves like a father, believe me when I say this but he also haunts me whenever he does that, just do as he says" he giggled and before I could obey Alex pulled his ears and swispered something to him then he frowned in anger and left to the side of Kyle and persuaded him to leave me. Kyle looked at me and whispered something enough for all of us to hear before he left. " She's another problem like his brothers" Aliin showed Alex a thumbs up but he just narrowed his eyes and faced me. I was confused at all most everything. And decided to ask Alex, "why did he exclude himself when he said 'i am another problem like my brothers', what about him, isn't he our brother? and..." Before I could finish the sentence Alex answered coldly, " No, Kyle is not your brother,nor mine or Aliin's. He can be everybody else's eldest brother but not for the three of us. We are three siblings from one mum, and we don't let others in the circle okay." How many are we? Are we many and how..... I had so many questions but I knew Alex was not the right person I should ask.

...

I wanted to tour the house, the whole place but, i was scared to seek questions without someone to answer. So I had to wait until he was back. It was already past 10pm and he was not here yet. Then I started hearing sounds of kids playing and shouting, girls laughing, cryingboys, some boys were quarreling over mavel heros and I wanted to really know where I was, was it a bar for kids, was I dumped in the orphanage, are these some cheap rentals?? What was the commotion all about. And as I was going down the stairs two kids around my age passed by me and I almost slipped forcing me to shout The lord's name. Every body was on there feet running to the stairs, maybe they heard an unfamiliar voice they had never heard of, behind and Infront of me. I was surrounded by them. Those in my age, older, much older and Kyle was the tallest when another girl come stood besides him and she was tallest. I was dazzling, I go back come to my room or get out cause they were everywhere, they all were yearning to meet me and yet I refused to go to them, and now they were all looking at me with faces saying, 'why were you showing off as if you wouldn't come out of your room', gosh they are so many and they made me speechless. I wanted to say hi to them but was a bit startled of the many people at home. Aliin climbed up and patted my head telling me to introduce myself. I gathered the strength and when I decided to talk someone mumured, " this is so annoying, we know whatever your name is... dummy, we just wanted to see what was it you had that gave you the audacity to refuse to come when called you ", and all agreed with her, one boy even said, " i thought she could breath fire" and they laughed and another, "she's maybe smart to the extent of understanding why we breath" they all laughed and in the end they left me narrowing my eyes to myself with Aliin standing on my side. I can't believe he didn't even stop them, such a useless jerk. He looked at me with his raised eyes brows and finally said " but I insisted on you coming down stairs and you decided to side with Alex, where he now?"with that he left too.

I was going back, i saw dad in the door way but he looked.....it was not important, he was back. He ran and hugged him but there I saw two police officers behind him. They came inside and everyone had a questioning face, "POLICEMEN", all at once. One of the two kids in the same attire asked, " why are they here with dad" and me there I was looking at her calling my dad her dad and I was scared that all these kids here might be dad's and will surely make me go back to my mom. One of the cop came to me and smiled at me before holding my hand aside, I hesitated but dad said it was fine, she asked some questions and whatever she asked was making me more angry and scared. I pulled away from her and ran to father, looked into his eyes and stood firmly, my eyes were wet with tears, I could feel something was not right. From the day dad hit something from the back of his car to the questions the cop asked, it was not adding up, " is my mum okay" I asked him but he just looked at me coldly. The cop again bent a little to reach my height and asked me again," what happened to your mum when you were in the park?", she was sweet but I couldn't answered anything to her because I didn't care about her questions, I only cared about the answers which will come from dad. The lady cop then stood straight and looked at me but now she was cold. " She's gone,..." She slowly said and i thought I didn't hear her but she added," your mum was found dead at ever empty sides of the park". There are always no body but some witnesses said they saw your mum running behind you father's car. So it's possible your dad hit your m..." I didn't let her finish the sentence cause I knew what she was gonna say, I didn't see but I knew dad hit mum down and he did it intentionally. If I said anything, I was going to loose him too, but if I don't say what i know, mum will not rest in peace. But I was five, and he was all I had now. " No, mum kept following us behind the car until we lost her when took the main road. It's not dad's fault, it's all my fault I left her." I said all those words looking at dad's eyes direct and with that I ran and climbed up the stairs with tears flowing down my cheeks, my mum was dead and i just covered up her murderer.

I froze on the bed and thought 'i was without a mum, but I have a dad,right? The dad who is responsible my her death, the dad who doesn't even know my real name, the dad who doesn't know my gender, imagine....my gender. This is no dad.