ICE CREAM

Wilona's P.O.V

Opening a new box of cereal, I pour the small bits into a bowl before filling it with milk. Dumping a spoon inside, I slip into a seat at my breakfast table and begin eating.

My eyes remain on the empty seat opposite me, staring blindly as I chew rheumatically. My mind slowly pieces in the one who usually filled that space, until he was sitting right across from me, eating at an unnatural pace with a smile on his lips.

I look away.

Staring down at my bowl, redirecting my attention on finishing the contents and not on the reason everything was quieter lately.

Sassy brushes against my leg, looking up at me with eyes filled with worry. I pat her head gently as I finish the remainder of my cereal, rinsing the bowl before leaving for work.

I lock the door behind me, not allowing myself to look to the door opposite me, even as Sassy tugs me towards it. I pull her forth until she comes, though unwillingly, making my way out of the building and onto my usual path to Blue's.

Wake up. Work. Come home. Repeat.

A simple routine that I forced myself to slip back into, needing to reacquaint myself with the person I was before Damon before I followed without blinking. Needing to be safe in my own blurred world before trying to see something I wasn't ready for.

I let Sassy slump onto the ground, leaving the outside door open for whenever she wanted to place. Opening the shop, I move drearily to arrange the cash and put out the new materials for today. Turning the sign, I look out the window outside the shop, hand stilling as I watch the blurred people going about their daily lives, undisturbed and free to live within the moment instead of by memories.

They had absolutely no idea how blessed they were.

I slump into my usual seat and wait, watching the minutes pass, the seconds tick by as time flows. I check the time, habit forcing me to keep waiting for three before stabbing me within the weapon of my own making, reminding me he wouldn't be coming today.

It was for the better.

Time apart would let me clear my head, think logically about where Damon and I were going, think about whether or not I was prepared for the emotions that trampled me every time I saw his face, think about if what I felt for him was good and not dangerous for me.

It'd let me think about if he was ready for the same things with another man, with me. See if it wasn't just a momentary spark of attraction due to the unnatural connection that seemed to pull us together by an invisible string which I cut.

But I couldn't think about it, couldn't think about him because every time I did it hurt more than I knew possible.

I didn't know how much I'd come to need Damon until I closed the door on him.

Turned out some of the doubts were warranted, thing were moving too fast, too good to not lead to a downfall I had denied. I was too wrapped up in Damon and his webs of affection that blinded me from myself, my past and him. I didn't even know who Damon was, not really and I'd let myself fall into him as if I did.

It took him letting go first for me to truly see that.

I'd let myself slip into a situation all too similar to the one which left me shattered in the worst possible way. I ran off the emotions, these stronger than ever before and didn't see the signs until it was too late.

He changed his mind and I was left lost without him to guide me, finding myself alone on a path I had no idea how I'd gotten onto.

Like before, I followed and was left stranded with a hole in my chest, this time the hole was bigger.

So time apart was good. It was supposed to be a good thing, it was supposed to be safer this way.

Except it wasn't, things were darker returning to my solitude than it had been when I let Damon pull me out of it.

Without Damon, it was only darkness and misery that often left me curled under my sheets with wet cheeks and small sobs that wouldn't quiet until I fell asleep.

He'd been this big, bright light that'd stumbled into my world of solitude and filled it with nothing but joy, understanding and new experiences that left my lips hurting from smiling so much. He'd sparked something forgotten in me, something that left me feeling hollow without it now.

It all seemed so far away now, our date, our nights together, all the times we held each other to lessen the pain, far away like some distant memory or fantasy I'd formulated.

But they were real and too perfect to be forgotten or ignored, no matter how much it hurt to do so.

I shouldn't have let myself fall for him so quickly.

Now, I'd hit the bottom and it was colder than I'd imagined it to be.

My day continues with slow sales and silence, too much silence that even the music couldn't fill entirely. Blue creeps in minutes to three, offering me a weak smile as I gather my things to leave.

"If you ever want, you can come to join Mandy and me for dinner." He offers, petting Sassy gently before standing upright.

"Thanks, Blue, but it's okay," I reply, refusing to meet his eyes while busying my hands. "I'm good."

"You can take a few days off work if you need to," Blue suggests making me stiffen. "I don't mind picking up your shifts if you want some alone time with ice cream."

"I've had more than enough time with ice cream,"

I reply with a humorless chuckle. "And I need to work, need to be here, I can't be home for so long."