17 Fag

2018 ‖Denver, CO

The first thing people usually notice about Cameron Matthew Monroe is his face.

The sharp jawline drawing its straight edges in harmony with the short black hair.

The raw lips, often resting in a neutral state, sometimes showing a warm, honest smile.

His dark blue eyes lying below the strong brows, two almond-shaped spheres, always carrying a shimmer of longing and brooding, as if their owner has built his own world inside his head, a world much deeper than the one his eyes could ever grasp.

To put it short, Cameron is fairly attractive. His good heart shines through.

But so do his flaws.

Those who will try to strike a conversation with him of whatever nature will notice his reservation, the fact that he is unable to look into a stranger's eyes for more than a few seconds, the way he scratches his neck and thinks thoroughly before he lets words leave his mouth, complemented by his soft deep voice.

Cameron is shy.

But even more than that, despite knowing how to be a safety ring for the people around him, he doesn't know how to console himself.

The slightest irregularity will throw him off and although he keeps these insecurities locked away for no one to see and comment on, they cause storms in his mind and heart that drown his body's fibers in a sea of panic.

Now one can argue that being shy and sensitive aren't exactly negative traits, they could even be considered good and something to cherish, characteristics that humanity is in dire need of.

But on days like this one, where everything is going wrong, no one would blame Cameron for wishing he was a bit tougher, that his personality would match his signature calm gaze.

He is standing there, his eyes glued to his locker in disbelief.

FAG it says in thick black letters.

He can feel eyes drilling their way into his back. This can't be happening.

He sprints to the nearest bathroom and pulls out his phone to call Sonny.

The phone rings once. Twice.

Cameron's heart is racing.

Please let this all be a dream.

The tenth ringing.

Why isn't he answering? Cameron gets redirected to the mailbox. Fuck.

The bathroom door swings open.

"Monroe!"

Cameron swirls around and looks into the faces of three guys, all in his year. He barely knows them, mainly because they are assholes and bullies. Cameron never had to worry about that though. Until now.

"Heard your girlfriend broke up with you because you fucked some faggot at the party?"

"I didn't fuck anyone. Leave me alone."

He wants to walk past them to leave the bathroom but they block his way.

"Why so aggressive?" The second one joins in.

"Why did you do it? Does she suck at sucking or have you just always been a fag?"

Cameron can feel his anger growing. Together with his despair.

"Again, I didn't fuck anyone. What's your plan? You wanna beat me up?"

One of the guys lets out a dry laugh. "We aren't going to beat you up in school. We ain't stupid." He pushes Cameron away from him.

"But next time you leave your house, be a bit careful."

Cameron wants to punch him in the face and break his nose but instead, he presses himself through the boys and runs out of the bathroom.

He can't deal with this. Not today. He needs to get home. And he needs to talk to Sonny.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Dude, no offense but you lowkey suck."

Sonny rolls his eyes and pushes him over. "Shut up, you just don't get my strategy."

"Your 'strategy' is mental, that is why you keep dying."

Kaz concentrates on the TV screen again, firmly holding onto the Xbox controller.

"Okay I may suck at Fortnite but at least I don't steal TVs." "Hey it's not stolen! We just...borrowed it. The teachers don't use that break room anyway so nobody has noticed yet."

"I wish I had one in my room."

Kaz raises his eyebrows. "Dude, you have a room all to yourself. You don't know how much Sam snores, like a fucking sawmill. Sometimes I just want to strangle him in his sleep."

"I could enjoy the perks of a single room way more if there were any females under 50 here."

"Boohoo, you perv." "

I know."

He quickly looks over to Kaz whose eyes are fixated on the screen, aiming at another player.

Then all of a sudden his phone starts vibrating. He pulls it out of his pocket to check the incoming call.

Cam.

Why is he calling him? Shouldn't his class be starting soon?

He is about to pick up when Kaz punches his side.

"Dude, I need back up! If you let me die because of some chick, I'm going to kill you!"

"Actually I should probably leave now. I got homework to do." Sonny puts his controller down and slowly gets up from the bed. "You're a bad liar. Sorry if I was mean, you're a decent player." "No, it's not that. Don't worry." Kaz looks up at him.

"Then what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong. But I should leave or..." Sonny bites his tongue.

'Or Cameron is going to be mad that I'm hanging out with his ex without him knowing.'

"What?" Sonny shakes his head, grinning nervously. Kaz laughs and grabs his arm, pulling him back down. "Or what? Say it!"

But doesn't this feel good? Kaz is the only person who has been there for him in the last few months. Doesn't he deserve at least a little bit of happiness as well?

Sonny grabs the controller.

"Nevermind, let's kill some more noobs.