Vacation(Part 6)

As I unraveled the intricacies of my family dynamic to Jasper, I revealed the intricate tapestry woven by my parents' contrasting personas. My father, a charismatic yet manipulative figure, wielded his charm like a weapon, using it to navigate the intricate social circles he so desperately sought to conquer. Behind closed doors, however, he was a tyrant, ruling over our household with an iron fist and demanding unwavering obedience from his children to the family.

My mother, on the other hand, was an enigma—a portrait of icy detachment masked by a facade of elegance and poise. She moved through life with an air of indifference, her affection reserved for fleeting moments of triumph when we managed to meet her exacting standards. Her love was a transactional currency, dispensed only when we proved ourselves worthy in her eyes.

Together, they created a toxic environment fueled by manipulation and deceit, where love was a scarce commodity and loyalty came at a steep price. It was a world where appearance trumped authenticity, where success was measured in material wealth and social status, and where the true cost of belonging was paid in fragments of self-worth and shattered dreams.

I then recounted the turbulent relationship with my siblings. My brother, a rebellious spirit fueled by resentment and defiance, harbored a deep-seated animosity towards me from the moment I entered his world. His punk persona was a shield against the vulnerabilities he refused to acknowledge, and he wielded it like a weapon, using it to inflict pain and suffering upon me at every opportunity.

But it was my sister who left the deepest scars—a twisted manifestation of envy and entitlement that manifested in acts of cruelty and betrayal. From an early age, she viewed me as a rival—a threat to her perceived superiority—and she sought to assert her dominance through acts of violence and manipulation. Whether it was pushing me down the stairs or making me sick with rat poison, her actions left an indelible mark on my psyche, shaping my understanding of trust and betrayal in ways I could never fully comprehend.

Then they framed me and tried to have me killed off.

As I recounted the dark chapters of my upbringing, I couldn't help but notice the horror etched on Jasper's face. Despite the discomfort I felt at exposing such raw and painful memories, I knew it was necessary for Jasper to understand the complexities of my past.

I wondered how he would perceive me now, knowing the darkness that lurked beneath the surface. Would he judge me for the scars I carried and pity me, or would he see the strength and resilience that had emerged from the crucible of adversity?

Only time would tell.

As Jasper extended the offer to share more about himself, I found myself contemplating the depth of our connection. Despite the camaraderie we shared during our adventures, I realized that there was still so much I didn't know about him beyond the surface.

As Jasper began recounting his own upbringing, I listened intently, absorbing each detail as he painted a picture of his past. He spoke of a childhood filled with sports and extracurricular activities, where he excelled in everything he pursued. His parents, proud and overbearing, had always showered him with praise and boasted about his achievements to anyone who would listen.

But everything changed when Jasper came out as gay and made the decision to enlist in the Marines. Suddenly, the unwavering support he had once known turned into vehement opposition. His parents, unable to comprehend his choices, launched into a relentless campaign to dissuade him from pursuing a path they deemed too dangerous and unpredictable.

Jasper's decision to enlist in the Marines and be openly gay despite his parents' objections marked a turning point in their relationship. The divide between them deepened as he embarked on his military journey. For years, Jasper remained estranged from his parents, steadfast in his commitment to his service and the principles he held dear.

However, fate intervened in the most unexpected way when Jasper was injured in Afghanistan while bravely attempting to neutralize an active shooter. The harrowing ordeal left him physically wounded and emotionally shaken, but it also provided an opportunity for reconciliation with his parents.

In the aftermath of the incident, Jasper's parents were faced with the stark reality of their son's sacrifice and the inherent dangers he faced in his line of duty. Despite their past disagreements, they couldn't bear the thought of losing him, and they made amends, reaching out to him in his time of need.

Returning home from the intense and often solitary environment of military service presented Jasper with a stark contrast to the controlled chaos of combat zones. The once-familiar sights and sounds of civilian life suddenly felt overwhelming, bombarding him with stimuli that triggered anxiety and discomfort.

Everyday activities that most people took for granted became daunting challenges for Jasper. The incessant barrage of advertising, the cacophony of background noise in crowded spaces, and the presence of unfamiliar faces all contributed to his sense of unease. Simply browsing in a store or navigating through bustling streets became Herculean tasks as Jasper struggled to acclimate back to reality.

The lingering effects of his military service manifested in bouts of anger and irritability, leading to explosive outbursts over seemingly trivial matters. Despite his desire to discuss his experiences and seek understanding, he found it difficult to connect with others who couldn't relate to the unique challenges he faced.

Casual inquiries about his time in the military only served to exacerbate his sense of alienation, as people's well-intentioned questions often felt superficial and dismissive of the profound impact his service had on him. The simple question, "How was it?" carried a weight of inadequacy, failing to capture the complexity of his experiences and leaving him feeling misunderstood.

Attempts to seek solace among fellow veterans proved challenging as well. Conversations with those who hadn't shared his specific deployment or who experienced combat in different contexts devolved into futile comparisons or one-upmanship, further isolating Jasper and reinforced his sense of disconnect from those around him.

Jasper's experiences overseas had left an indelible mark on him, shaping the way he viewed the world and interacted with those around him. While others may have perceived him as changed or different upon his return, Jasper struggled to reconcile their perceptions with his own sense of self. To him, he was still the same person he had always been, despite the profound impact of his time in the military.

The routine of police academy training and the catharsis of therapy provided a semblance of normalcy, yet beneath the surface, the echoes of his past persisted.

The depth of Jasper's struggle resonated with me.

"I thought you were a theatre kid," I said.

"I was, but I was more of a jock in high school," Jasper explained.

As Jasper shared his experiences, I couldn't shake the nagging curiosity that bubbled within me. His resilience in the face of adversity was admirable, but it left me grappling with a myriad of unanswered questions. Why did he choose to spend holidays alone rather than with his family? Was it a conscious decision born out of his tumultuous past, or was there something deeper at play?

After some time, we found ourselves back outside.

"So have you thought more about going out with me?" As Jasper's question hung in the air, I couldn't help but feel a twinge of guilt at my response. His nervousness was palpable, and I realized that my honesty might have inadvertently hurt him.

"Not really," I replied honestly, hoping to convey that it wasn't a lack of interest, but rather a lack of need to deliberate when I was already enjoying our time together.

Jasper's nervousness seemed to intensify as he probed further, his words tinged with uncertainty. "Oh, was it because you were too busy?"

I paused, choosing my words carefully. "That and because I don't feel the need to think about it when I'm with you."

His next question caught me off guard, his tone reflecting a hint of vulnerability. "Is that good?"

I searched for the right way to express myself, wanting to reassure him while also being truthful. "I think so. It's not that I don't think about it, it's that I can't figure out a motive."

"Motive?" Jasper echoed, his confusion evident.

"Yeah, like if you just want to sleep with me," I confessed, laying bare my concerns.

Jasper's response was immediate, his scoff betraying a hint of frustration. "If I wanted to get laid I wouldn't have come here with you."

His words were like a balm to my worries, dispelling any doubts I may have had. "Really?"

"Who puts this much time in just to go to bed?" Jasper chuckled, his laughter easing the tension between us.

"My older brother, a lot of the guys in prison, the—" I began, but Jasper cut me off.

"Ok, a lot of people do that, but I'm not them!" Jasper interjected, his tone firm but lighthearted.

"I get that," I said, acknowledging his point.

"Then why the denial, Alex?" Jasper's eyes narrowed as he posed the question, his gaze searching for an answer. "It's obvious you're attracted to me as well."

"I haven't been denying anything," I countered, trying to keep my tone even despite the rising emotions.

"Except this conversation. Lucky you drank or else you would've stormed off by now," Jasper pointed out, his observation hitting a nerve.

"Ah yes, you do love the chase, don't you?" I rolled my eyes, attempting to deflect the intensity of the moment with a touch of sarcasm.

Jasper grinned mischievously. "Think you're up for it?"

"Guess I'll find out," I replied with a hint of playful defiance, unsure of where this conversation would lead but willing to explore the possibilities of letting my feelings out.

"And if it goes wrong, we still have to ride back together. Is it safe?" Jasper mused, his voice tinged with uncertainty as he considered the potential outcomes.

"I would never let anything affect our relationship at work," I reassured him, hoping to alleviate his concerns. But deep down, I couldn't shake the feeling of apprehension about crossing that line between professional and personal.

That was a recipe for disaster.

Jasper seemed to notice my inner turmoil as I pondered the situation. "Why don't you just ask the question instead of pondering?" he suggested, his gaze fixed on the landscape before us.

"Considering it," I admitted, still grappling with my conflicting emotions and the implications of taking this step with Jasper.

"Whenever," Jasper sighed, his tone indicating that he was willing to wait for my decision, no matter how long it took.

"Did you give me your number to be polite or because you wanted to try me out?" I finally voiced the question that had been nagging at me since he first offered his number.

Jasper shrugged casually, turning towards me with a faint smile. "A little of both. I liked your eyes," he confessed, his admission causing a flutter of butterflies in my stomach.

"Didn't think you'd go for someone so-" I started, but Jasper's gaze halted my words.

"Young, cute," Jasper finished with a chuckle, his eyes twinkling with amusement.

"High maintenance," I countered with a grin, teasing him lightly.

"Ah, well I like that kind of thing," Jasper nodded, his smirk hinting at a deeper meaning. "Someone like you."

"I am not high maintenance," I protested, though the playful banter only added to the lighthearted atmosphere between us.

"Young and cute though?" Jasper raised an eyebrow, his playful demeanor shining through.

"I'm more rugged," I replied, feeling a sense of pride in my self-perceived toughness.

Jasper slid closer, his proximity sending a tingle down my spine. "And not gay like me," he added with a hint of vulnerability in his voice.

I nodded in understanding. "Yeah," I affirmed, silently acknowledging the complexities of our differences while cherishing the connection we shared.

"But you have no problem with it?" Jasper's question hung in the air as his finger innocently brushed over mine.

"Obviously not," I replied, trying to maintain composure despite the unexpected surge of sensation that his touch evoked.

"Good to know," Jasper sighed, withdrawing his touch. "Do you even know what you're into?"

"No, I was always pretty antisocial with the exception of a few people," I admitted, feeling a sense of vulnerability in sharing this aspect of myself with Jasper.

"So you're bi?" Jasper probed, his gaze searching mine for an answer.

"Labels are nonexistent. Attraction is attraction and I was never attracted to anyone before," I explained, trying to articulate the complexity of my feelings.

"I'm just waiting to find out how you're going to say it," Jasper smirked, his playful demeanor easing the tension in the air. "But I'm a patient man. So I can wait."

"Are you flirting with me?" My voice crackled, a mixture of surprise and curiosity.

"Yes," Jasper nodded, his gaze steady and unwavering.

"Are you drunk?" I couldn't help but ask, my mind struggling to process the sudden turn of events.

"No," Jasper snickered. "I don't need to be drunk to flirt with you."

"So you just suddenly spring the question of dating out of the blue instead?" My words tumbled out, tinged with a hint of disbelief.

"Not suddenly," Jasper countered, his tone playful yet sincere.

"Why tonight?" I pressed, needing to understand the motivation behind his unexpected advance.

"Why not?" Jasper replied, his response simple yet enigmatic.

"I'm not gay," I whispered, the weight of my confession hanging in the air.

"I know. You already said that," Jasper assured, his proximity causing my heart to race even faster, despite our bodies still not touching.

"Then what makes you think you have a chance?" I stammered, my voice betraying the turmoil of emotions swirling within me.

"You haven't tried to leave," Jasper observed, his eyes flickering down to my hands. "And you're clawing at the wall when really you want to be clawing at me."

I realized Jasper was right. My fingertips were digging into the brick wall behind me, and my knuckles were white with the strain.

"Jasper," I breathed, my voice barely above a whisper, a plea for clarity amidst the chaos of my thoughts.

Leaning closer, Jasper spoke into my ear, his voice soft and seductive, sending shivers down my spine. "You should just say yes, Alex."

In that moment, with Jasper's warm breath tickling my ear and his words hanging in the air, I felt a surge of longing and anticipation. Without a word, he closed the gap between us, his lips meeting mine in a gentle, tender kiss.

His touch was like a gentle caress, sending waves of warmth cascading through me. The world seemed to fade away as we melted into each other, our hearts beating in perfect rhythm. The kiss was soft yet electrifying, filled with a depth of emotion that words could never convey. In that fleeting moment, it felt like time stood still, and all that mattered was the connection between us.