32. Chapter 32 - The Big Game

AN: Wasn't planning on getting another chapter out so soon, but I got to talking with some friends, and this one sort of just happened. Probably gonna need a bit of a breather before I do another one. My pal Aberrantscript also saw fit to do another spin-off chapter, based on the events of the previous chapter and what I'd told him was going to happen in this one. It's called A Pair of Big Stacks, and it's pretty good, check it out if you like his stuff :)

Lincoln sighed, holding his phone out at arms length and noting just how clearly one could hear the peals of laughter streaming from it. This had been going on for several minutes now, and while he had originally found it amusing in a self-deprecating sort of way, Lincoln's patience was beginning to wear a little thin.

"You going to let me finish the story?" He asked dryly, "Because this doesn't feel like a productive use of my minutes."

"Shush you." Carol responded from the other end, still fighting through her own giggling. "Besides, I bet there are guys who pay good money to listen to the laughter of pretty girls."

Lincoln couldn't fault her on that. Even so..."I have ten sisters and I make a fool of myself on a daily basis. You don't exactly have this market cornered, Pingrey."

"We may need to circle back around and unpack that statement." Lincoln felt another sigh coming on as the giggles began to pick back up again.

"Hanging up now." He stated flatly, reaching for the disconnect button.

"No! No!" Carol protested. "I'll be good! I need to know how this ends!"

"Fine." He grumbled. "Now where was I?"

"The story line you'd spent a whole week working on was trashed when your sisters (and Sam) ran things off the rails. Ironically, the exact sort of thing you were trying to prevent. Also..." She snorted in a decidedly unladylike way, "Sam's character had suddenly become a big problem."

Lincolned groaned. "Maybe you should leave the puns to Luan."

Several days earlier

"Looks like we've got a big problem." Luan opined.

Lincoln dragged his head from where it had previously laid despondently on the table, and fixed his older sister with a baleful glare.

"Really?" He deadpanned.

"I make no apologies." Luan replied, shrugging.

"Ever." Lori added, drawing a round of amused laughter from the other girls.

While this was going on, Lincoln considered the small pile of campaign materials on the floor, carelessly scattered in his frustration.

"Maybe we should call it a day, girls." He said as the laughter died down.

"What? No!" Sam protested. "It's getting really good!"

"I-I wouldn't mind see how this plays out, little bro." Luna said, briefly shooting a sidelong glance at her girlfriend.

"Come on, Linky." Leni pleaded. "It's been so much fun to play make believe with everyone."

Leni paused to consider her words. "And Sam." She concluded, drawing a confused look, followed by a shrug from the girl in question.

Lincoln look around the table, surprised. "You guys are enjoying this?"

"I mean, it's not like I had anything better to do." Lori said indifferently, the small smile on her face betraying her feelings.

"Insert pun!" Luan concurred.

"What?" She asked in response to the surprised looks thrown her way. "You weren't going to laugh anyway."

Lincoln, for his part, felt touched that the girls seemed to be genuinely enjoying the game, warts and all. Aside from Lynn, who remained quiet, drumming her fingers nervously on the tabletop.

"Alright." He said at last, smiling at the looks of relief that broke out across the table. "So you guys are standing amid the rubble of the ruined warehouse. Towering over you stands the mutated Card Sharp—"

"I also respond to 'Samzilla' now." The blonde interjected, inciting another round of laughter.

"Oh! Oh! Linky!" Leni pipped up, waving her hand. "What happened to her clothes."

"U-um, well..." Lincoln stammered, as Sam suddenly looked to him with interest, a wide smile on her face. "The table says it's a 'body mutation', so...I guess they wouldn't be affected."

There was a brief moment of silence as the group processed this.

"Well..." Sam began unzipping the front of her catsuit, "I suppose I'd better get into character."

"Denied." Lori deadpanned.

"Seconded." agreed Lucy

A red-faced Luna simply smacked Sam upside the back of her head, causing the blonde to cease disrobing. Though not before she had revealed a considerable amount of cleavage.

"Don't pretend you aren't picturing it." Sam grumbled, wincing as she rubbed her tender head. Luna, perhaps for the first time in her life, opted for stoic silence.

"Miraculously, enough of your costume still remains to preserve your modesty." Lincoln declared, cheeks flushed with embarrassment.

"I wonder if I could pull that off..." Leni murmured, as she began to doodle on her character sheet.

"Moving on!" Lincoln hastily declared, "I need actions from you guys!"

"Woah there, cutie." Sam protested, drawing looks from the other girls, "I need to know what my stats are now."

After a moment of consideration, Lincoln nodded. "Think there's a template in here" He murmured, gesturing for Sam to hand him her character sheet.

Finding what he was looking for, he began to scribble in the new, relevant information. Task completed, Lincoln handed the sheet back to Sam, who began to read over it with interest."

"Awesome." She said, smiling wickedly at Lynn. "Now I think we're gonna need to roll for initiative."

"Probably should have seen that coming." Carol opined.

"I always try to believe the best of people."

"And how'd that work out for you?"

Her question was only met with silence.

"That's what I thought." She paused. "So when did Sam zip up her suit?"

Lincoln coughed, embarrassed. "So anyway..."

"Y-you're not going to let her fight me, are you?" Lynn asked, turning her pleading gaze upon her brother. "Dear brother. Sweet, wonderful brother?"

Lincoln simply stared back, unamused.

"First off." He said, "I don't think Sam's figure is going to cut it anymore..."

He trailed off as a nearby ceiling vent creaked open, and a small object fell through. Lynn instinctively snatched it from the air, finding that she was now holding what appeared to be one of Lola's princess dress-up dolls. Bandee, or something like that. Blonde, naturally, and quite large in scale relative to the miniatures they were using.

"Thank you, Maggie." Lincoln deadpanned, glaring at the vent.

"Seriously dude, we've got to talk about that girl." Luna said, glancing around warily.

"Ooh! Let me help!" Leni shouted, grabbing the doll. She removed the doll's puffy pink dress, tore several small strips from the garment, and expertly tied them together. When she was done, the doll was left wearing a small, surprisingly fashionable bikini.

"You know Lola's literally going to murder you now, right little brother?" Lori asked

"Sigh." Lincoln replied

"A good attempt." Lucy offered, "But you need to put more emphasis on the 'S'."

Lincoln rolled his eyes. "Initiative, you two." He gestured vaguely at the pair of feuding females, trying to move things along. They complied, and Lynn immediately groaned as Sam's cyan die landed. Natural 20, considerably higher than her own roll.

"Fantastic." The blonde cackled.

"First order of business..." She grabbed her makeshift facsimile, making little stomping noises as she walked it over to Lynn's, significantly more miniature, miniature. "Says here I can make a stomp attack on smaller objects as part of my movement action, so I'm gonna get me some payback."

"Ah." Said Luan. "The agony of de feet."

Naught but the sound of crickets could be heard in response. "You see?" She complained. "This is exactly what I was talking about. Philistines." Her gaze softened somewhat as Leni gave her a consolatory pat on the back.

Much to everyone's surprise, Luan's most of all, Lincoln threw back his head and let out a good, long laugh.

"What?" He asked, seeing the group's collective reactions. "It's okay to laugh when they're funny."

"...Right." Sam ventured, frowning at the now happily blushing Luan. "...So I'm gonna roll my attack then."

"Actually, Lynn gets a chance to move out of the way." Lincoln interjected, shooting a smile at his sister. Lynn nodded at him, gratefully, then snatched up her die and rolled, looking to Lincoln expectantly.

"That'll do it." He nodded. "And you can move three squares."

"What the heck, Linc!" Sam complained, frowning at her escaping prey.

"Check your new stats." He replied, shrugging. "You went up multiple size categories, that's murder on your dexterity score. Add in the fact that you're not directly attacking her, the standard penalty for attacking a small target, and how mobile Strong Suit's powers make her, and you've got your work cut out for you."

"So what you're saying..." Sam smirked at Lynn. "Is that I've got to catch her first."

Lynn's eyes narrowed. "Game on, Sharp."

"Hanging a left, Linc!" Lynn shouted.

"Done." He nodded, indicating that she should move her figure accordingly.

"Me too!" Sam snarled, reaching for her own.

"Not yet Sam." Lincoln chided her, much to her obvious frustration. "You said you were sprinting last round, give me an athletics check."

Sam grumbled as she reached for her die and rolled.

"That's a fumble." He confirmed, eliciting a groan from the older girl. "As you try to change your trajectory you end up stepping on an abandoned car. You flatten it, of course..." He smirked at the small fist pump Sam performed, "...but whats left of the car causes you to slip and fall. Think of it like slipping on a roller skate."

Lynn cackled as Lincoln reached for Sam's figure.

"I'll do it, Linky." Leni offered. She reached for the doll and tipped it over, making crashing and tiny screaming voices as she did so.

"Make another defensive driving check, Lori." Lincoln instructed the eldest Loud sibling. "A lot of terrified drivers are trying to get as far away from Sam as possible, and you're going in the exact opposite direction."

"Why exactly are we chasing them?" Lucy asked as the occupants of the imaginary vehicle watched Lori nervously make her skill check. The five of them let out soft sighs of relief as Lincoln gave them a thumbs up, indicating Lori had succeeded.

"Well, that's where all the interesting stuff is happening, right?" Luan posited.

Lucy shrugged. "Fair enough."

"By the way Sam." Lincoln rolled some dice behind his GM screen. "Your little tumble caused you to smash...a coffee shop, several outdoor phone accessory kiosks, and that big new music store that opened up." He smirked. "The one hosting the traveling Mick Swagger museum."

"Dude!" Luna howled, glaring at the blonde.

The sheer amount of outrage in her voice caused Sam to do a double take. Then she turned back to Lincoln.

"I've still got half an action left, right?" Lincoln nodded in confirmation.

"Fine." She growled. "Is there anything big and heavy I can grab without getting up?"

"I assume you mean relative to Lynn." Lincoln paused to consider this. "Yeah, you smushed most of the cars nearby, but I'd say there's still a few around. Probably not functional, but with enough mass left qualify as 'big and heavy'."

Sam's eyes flashed. "I'm gonna chuck one at her. Probably won't hit her, but maybe I can slow her down."

"Gonna be a pretty big penalty for prone, dazed, small target, and for what's essentially a blind throw, but go for it."

"Naturally that's nowhere near enough to actually hit her..." Lincoln smiled at the silent cheer Lynn let out. "But lets figure out just how wide your throw was."

Lincoln did some quick figuring. "Alright, your throw goes much higher than you intended. So high, that..." He stopped, paling slightly. "Oh no."

Ignoring the confused glances of the girls, Lincoln retreated behind his screen, the sound of many dice being rolled being the only indication of what he was doing. Eventually, he emerged, apparently having reached the result, and not looking too happy about it.

"Y-you release your projectile and it flies high. Much higher than you'd planned." He said, grimacing. "By complete happenstance, a small aircraft flies by right when you make your throw. Your thrown car, against all odds, hits it dead on, causing the aircraft to careen out of control and crash nearby."

This elicited a round of gasps from the players. "I-I'll go check it out." Sam declared, moving her figure where Lincoln wordlessly indicated the crash occurred.

"As you reach the site, you're relieved to confirm that it wasn't a commercial flight you interrupted, or anything like that." Lincoln intoned, a sour look on his face. "You do however recognize the familiar red, blue and black color scheme, of the Ace Jet."

"You see..." He explained, seeing the confused looks of his players. "...when reports came in of the—" He glanced at Sam. "Giant monster attacking the city..." He felt mildly gratified to see a rare look of chagrin cross Sam's face. "...Evacuation protocols went into effect, and relief teams were dispatched. Ace took it upon himself to do some first hand reconnaissance, and then—"

"Wait!" Sam interrupted him, a strange gleam in her eye. It made Lincoln feel...nervous. "I'm going to lean down and crack open the cockpit as gently as possible." She shot him a knowing smile. "What do I see, Lincoln?"

"U-um, well..." Lincoln coughed. "You manage to open it, and inside you find a dazed, but very much alive...Ace Savvy."

An enormous grin erupted across Sam's face. "Well..." She cooed, "I'd be remiss if I left a crime fighter of Ace's caliber like that."

"So..." She said, her grin intensifying, "I reach down and..." Sam reached across the table, picked up Lincoln's Ace Savvy miniature from where it lay off to the side, and slid it inside her cleavage. As if to further compound Lincoln's embarrassment, she took a moment to fidget to with her extremely viable breasts, until the miniature was completely buried in her womanly valley, save for it's tiny, white haired head. Task completed, she looked at Lincoln, and gave him a lascivious wink.

"Oh em gosh, you guys!" Leni squeaked, pointing one trembling finger at the tiny figurine. "Linky's in trouble!"

"And then what happened?" Carol asked, fighting to contain her laughter.

"Usual Loud family stuff." He said, shrugging in spite of the fact that the older girl was unable to see it. "Lynn threw a chair at Sam and everyone started punching each other indiscriminately. Mom came in partway through to break it up, and we decided it we'd probably played enough for one day."

"Aw. I mean, its a shame you didn't get to do your own story, Linc, but it sounds like you've got a pretty interesting game going on."

"I don't think it's going to last. The girls are going to have their hands full dealing with Sam, and I'm not sure how long this prolonged pvp thing can keep going before somebody's feelings get hurt." Suddenly, an idea occurred to him.

"Hey Carol...are you doing anything next weekend?"

"Well, I was supposed to work, but...I could conceivably find someone to take my shift. Why?"

"I think I have an idea for how I can take my campaign back. How would you like to help?"