Blame it on Crayola

What is the deal with Colors (nail polish, lip gloss, and eye shadow specifically) being named after foods and named something that doesn't even mentally match the color? I really think this is contributing to young ladies illiteracy. They go and try to describe a color and the first thing they say is, "Well, it's called Dark Side of the Moon (nail polish) so clearly it's the color brown with a twist." NO!

I did a little research on this topic. I stumbled across some website that had the top ten nail polishes for 2012 listed. Here are a few. Hey Sailor, Bikini so Teeny, Kiss, Dark Side of the Moon, Holiday and Lilly bets Jubilee are the top six. I couldn't stop snickering and laughing so the last four were left off. The top four lead me to visions of prostitutes and pimps from the movie Taxi Driver.

Then we go and come up with some weird ass names for lip gloss. Oh, Baby!, Ruby Kisses (Not red) and Sugar High (does not contain any sugar at all). What the hell are we doing? If I was blind and needed something like this and the only choice I had was to pick by the name, I would be fucked. If I wanted red, I would pick something that reminded me of blood or war or excitement. Instead I would have to get something flavored as a red food I know so I was assured I had the color red.

How about eye shadow? Do we really need special names that don't relate to the color what so ever? The first one is Fish Net, this reminds me of a throw net with weights on it that you toss into a school of fish to catch them. That is not a color I want around my eyes. Ransom, seriously…that is not a color, it's an action that criminals perform. "If you want your daughter back, leave the 50k ransom in the trash can on the corner of Mercury and Jefferson or we are going to tickle her until she suffocates and pisses herself." That's not funny. If you want to be ransomed, I can help you but why put it on your face? Underground, as soon as I read this, underground means death to me. The make-up you are going to wear in your casket forever! Makes ZERO sense to me.

The two nail polishes that got this started are call Cotton Candy and Baby's Breath. Cotton Candy comes in all flavors, colors, sizes, and shapes, whatever. Cotton Candy is not a color; it's the most delectable treat a human being can consume. Baby's Breath is ridiculous as well. That isn't even something you can see! How can you name a color after baby's carbon dioxide breath? It is not visual; it doesn't have a sense of color to it and if the baby is breathing on you it doesn't make your mind think of a color!

I want some cotton candy now.

What happened to the 8 primary colors? What did Crayola start when they expanded to 16 colors, 32 colors, 1.9 million colors? They started this and I'm going to end it!