Much Needed Therapy

Diary of Orochimaru Yashagoro

"Life is so fragile. Even the strongest people can't survive in the face of death. But I wonder what is death like? But I also don't want to die. Mother, Father, Uncle Kagami forgive me, but I feel as if I don't want to meet again."

O.Y. K.Y. 37

Things were a bit different for the friends. Benimaru was a bit more distant than before. Sure they all knew why and that's why none on them pushed him too far. When it was time for Kagamis funeral Benimaru decided in public right then and there he would burn the body in white fire. He took the ashes and put them in a jar.

No one said anything and no one stopped him. Even though they didn't understand the point of cremation they understood the pain of lost and just wanting the person to be a bit closer. Instead of visiting a grave, Benimaru set up a small shrine in the back of his house which housed the ashes of Kagami. He even went and bowed his head to ask Aunt Mito to help seal the area around it to keep it pure.

He went out less and less, as his friends worried more and more. Especially Tsunade, every day she wasn't training she was at his house opening the windows to let in fresh air, and then her daily

"GET OUT OF BED ALREADY" and with a single kick Benimaru came flying out of his sad nest.

"...morning Tsuna."

"Sigh, Benimaru Ashino Uchiha, is this who you are? It's been 3 weeks and you can't even get out of bed?" She walked over to his place on the floor and sat next to him. "I cant make the pain go away but c'mon talk to me Ben."

Benimaru couldn't help but take off his blindfold and look Tsunade in the eyes that always brought him calm. It took a minute to organize his thoughts as he finally spoke.

"I don't know how to feel? Am I supposed to be happy and go play around with my friends? Am I supposed to throw myself into training ignoring everything else to become stronger? Do I even still want to be a ninja? I don't know Tsunade. I don't know and now my dad isn't here to give me advice. Yes grandma Mito and your parents treat me like family but it's still different."

He stood up and walked to a window "I have a sharingan now but I don't know how to use it. Normally my father would teach me but he's not here. Normally I could go to the other Uchihas but they don't necessarily care for me and I'm afraid if they see a unique sharingan they'll try to make me into their next Uchiha Madara. I'm afraid that as long as I'm alive I'll always have a bunch of tough choices with little to no way out and I feel like this whole place is a cage. Live in Konoha, Fight for Konoha, Die for Konoha. And be happy. But where's the happiness?"

Tsunade was silent in her spot not moving knowing he didn't need advice but just a release "I sometimes envy the civilians because they stay their whole lives in the village, only worrying about their family members who choose to be ninja? But me? I'm not sure I'll even get the choice being the son of the ever famous Kagami Uchiha. How am I supposed to live up to these expectations I don't want?"

The air was filled with solemnity and silence as the blonde just came over and hugged his back. "Do you want to be a ninja Benimaru?"

"Tsunade I'm alrea-"

"Thats not what I asked" She said as she released me before pushing me back onto my bed as she walked over and leaned looking me directly in my eye as she asked "Do YOU want to be a ninja."

"Of course I want to be a ninja."

She looked at me for a second before sighing "No you want the power ninjutsu brings you and you want the power to protect yourself and those around you. But you don't want to be a ninja."

"Whatre you talking abou-" but his lips were sealed with a small kiss.

"Benimaru Ashino Uchiha I've known since I was born. I've loved you since I could love. I've been by your side longer than anyone in this village, even when you were blind you always had a wider outlook. You've always looked down on the ninja because you don't appreciate the idea of the village."

I sat in silence as she spoke.

"I don't blame you, because in some ways your right the whole ninja village couldn't work, thats why we accepted civilians. The village isn't perfect, and the people aren't perfect. But if that's the case isn't it enough to just change the village. People change and time changes so this village won't be the same when we grow up. I believe you don't hate this village, or even hate the ninja you just hate the senseless fighting."

"....When Hashirama and Madara joined hands they pressed forward and had the strength to bring all the clans together under their combined watch. No Rock, No Water, No Wind, No Thunder and No leaf. This system didn't decrease the fighting, it expanded it. At least back then it was only the clans fighting but now with the village system even civilians will get caught in the cross fire of our ninjas."

"Then why don't we fix it?" Tsunade said with a smile. I looked at her as she continued "Senju and Uchiha ended the warring states period, so it only makes sense the next generation of Senju and Uchiha will come together to finish the job?"

"But will Nawaki be up to the task?"

"What? What does my brother have to do with anything idiot. I'm obviously talking about me and you" she said with an eye roll.

"Oh. My mistake you said the future so I assumed Nawaki. After all by then you should be Tsunade Uchiha right?"

Her face turned red as she registered his meaning before sending a punch his way. But this time he caught it and pulled her into a hug that she didn't run from.

"Thank You Tsunade."

"Mmm." The two stood there in the early morning before they heard a cough from the window.

Jumping from his arms Tsunade turned her head to see a smirking Jiraiya in the window "OK love birds. Cmon lets go Tsunade you're late."

Tsunade's face turned red again but this time from anger as she chased Jiraya out of the window. I couldn't help but smile that some things just don't change.

It took me a minute to get dressed as I placed my foot on the window still but something felt off.

"Benimaru catch!"

I heard my white haired friend yell as a similar slicing sound flew threw the air as I caught my hat and slid it on my head.

I look down to see all my friends standing outside.

"Beni cmon."

"You're so slow."

"Hurry Up"

"Its too hot to keep waiting."

"Kukuku"

"Oye why are you laughing like an idiot?"

Somethings never change. And Somethings are only meant to change. But no matter what I can't be apart of it from this small room.

I hopped out of the window as Yumi pulled me into a hug. And the others all greeted with fist bumps or pats on the back.

"So what took you two so long?" a black eyes Jiraiya said with a smirk as Tsuna had a small blush.

"I was talking to Tsunade about opening up a hot spring. The village lacks one and if anyone can do it it'll be me the great Uchiha."

My friends started laughing as we walked away from the clan compound. With the death of our Jonin squad 5 was naturally disbanded but that didn't matter, because we were already up for promotion, We mightve been chunin years ago if I hadn't told everyone what's the point of rushing Chunin.

But now I had to move forward and rank was the first step. The village my dad died for. I won't let it fall into depravity.