Chapter 34: Unpacking Grief

[ Third Person P.O.V ]

As a werewolf, Leo is starting to feel more desire for reproduction than that of human beings. When a werewolf truly falls in love that instinct awakens even more intensely. This is why no matter what mate is thrown his way he wants to only touch and be touched by only one person, Autumn. Same could be said for her in a normal state. This means her issues becomes his. Her pain becomes increasingly his, and with grief. It becomes a barrier between them as lovers and he tries to find the right balance to work around and help her grieve. That's where Leo is and the same situation. He had just stopped kissing with Autumn and started to get ready to go to bed. They go into the bed and for the first time in a long while they both slept soundly.

But on the night of the day after the funeral, Leo wakes to the feeling of Autumn on his chest and nuzzling his neck and was gripping him tightly. She whined and whimpered in a high pitched sound that her wolf was supplying as he realized she was starting to cry. She was having a bad dream.

He quickly hushes her and wakes her " Autumn, " and she stops crying and whimpering when her eyes jolted awake. She looked around quickly with her eyes holding tears still. Leo gently brushed some of her tears away asking " What was the nightmare about? " That was when she said in a quiet voice " I had this recurring thing of the whole day of when Mom died. " She was silent before she said sadly,

" I guess part of my Mom's voice haunts me still, and I can't help but hear voices filling me with guilt. " Leo held her close knowing how hard it is to loose a Mom and told her not to feel guilty for what happened. He felt her pain by how she was acting so scared, that it felt like it was braking his heart. He nudged her face with his and kissed her softly trying to coax her into feeling better. That was when he kissed her gently before trying for them both to go back to sleep.

" Don't worry, lets try and get some more sleep. " her eyes were dry now and Leo's embrace made her feel better and protected. She then said quietly before trying to get comfortable again to try and get back to sleep " Okay, "

In the morning, she didn't really do much for the day and mostly attended to Jace and Grayson. But she started to withdraw herself, and spent time alone to reflect and thoroughly process her unhealthy guilt. But soon as she started a couple days later, she found her mind digging up something that caused her greater pain. She didn't have enough time to remember when she was so distracted trying to get over her Mom. That Alpha Andrews current situation was still unsure of what is to await him.

But she's still messed up with what she'd gone through. She stays in bed a lot and stays under the covers trying to deal with the fear that came with the experience. With Leo doing his Alpha work and trying to deal with Alpha Andrews in his custody Autumn hasn't seen Leo very much during the day. When she does he's doing work at his desk of which he has notice when she's laying in bed often. Almost a week of this has concurred and neither one has really talked about their lingering silence towards this, but both are fairly aware that neither thinks they want to deal with the consequences of bringing up the cause of this.

For by the end of the week, Leo had gotten news of what's to occur. The Alpha King had decided that there will be a court hearing and having Leo bring Alpha Andrews to the Alpha King's pack court house for his sentencing. Of which, all the Alpha should be prepared to attend as members of the jury as his peers as fellow Alpha's. He will be detained and will be sentenced. But the thing that Leo didn't want to talk about most with Autumn was what the Alpha King had asked him. If Autumn, being both the cause of their fight, and also the victim. He requested to know if she'd be open to state a testimony or maybe righting a letter to him as he will be the judge.

For now, Leo has at least a couple weeks to tell Autumn and have her decision and he is well aware that bringing up him is something that might be unpleasant for her. For now, he has no idea of the thoughts regarding Alpha Andrews and how he had no clue just how true that was.

[ Autumn P.O.V ]

' What is..?Where am I? ' The room seems dark. Is it night time right now? I started to look around. I could see my feet and my hands but not my body. There were dark looking wooden furniture, and the walls looked dark but had golden crowns as the pattern on the walls. Strange gold molding lined the room. For some reason, my heart is starting to pound in my chest.

Why does this place give me the creeps? Then my eyes made out what looked like the shape of a couch and then a bed? It's so quiet. It makes me feel on edge. Then I herd the something that sounds like a door handle being turned. I looked around and behind me there's this door with a silver handle. It didn't open though I could see it moving. The sound of it turning and moving felt like it filled the room to the point it felt like I was going to go mad.

Then it finally stopped. It slowly opened and a disgusting stare was what I could feel coming from the door that was creaked open. I felt lingering icy blue eyes locked onto me making me freeze stiff. ' Wait, I know these eyes. This room too! ' I can't even utter one word at all from this situation. I can't even see anything but these eyes, but that didn't matter. I know who's they're and that didn't help.

It felt like at any moment I wouldn't be able to unfreeze from standing there. Then slowly I started to notice a smirk slowly appearing from him as he was taking a step forward. ' Run! Get away from here, now! ' My thoughts made me unfreeze out of panic. I started to quickly look around frantically feeling myself taking step by step backwards. But when I tried to run looking around the room for an escape I quickly spotted these doors. I quickly opened them and thought it was a way I could escape or hide for safety, but once the doors swung open. I was left with it being a sealed white wall in place of anything else. I felt a chill when I felt someone behind me making me nearly jump out of my skin. Then I felt these strong arms wrapping around me. " Let go! " my voice seemed to be stuck in my throat. I moved my limbs as quickly as I could to get out of his grip not daring to look behind me for fear of meeting those eyes.

The more I struggled the more he tightened his grip on me and I could feel him touching my waist and I started to feel my back hit his body. He lifted me up off the ground as I dug my nails into him but they did nothing. I felt him carrying me back until I knew where he was heading. For the bed.

My heart was racing as I frantically tried to thrash around and do anything to get him to let me go, but for some reason my voice was gone. I yelled and shouted but I couldn't hear anything. But then I eventually managed to anger him, I guess. Next thing I know, I felt a hand move from me as I felt him grab me from my neck and pinned me against a wall. The pain it caused me didn't matter to me since my whole attention was on Andrews, who was pinning my neck to the wall. With his right free hand beginning to pull up the only thing of my body I was able to see now.

That was when I realized, that what I was wearing was that white dress he had me wear. His hand was starting to pull my dress up. " Please stop! " I begged, sobbing a little trying to breathe for air as I tried to wiggle and pull at his hand to get myself free, but he made sure all my struggles were halted. His blue eyes were black but then he slowly started to lean his face forward. He slid his hand slightly up my neck making me look up as his hand was near my chin. He didn't say a word and it was only till I felt him dug his teeth into my skin, making my lips utter a shriek in pain that I realized what he was doing. He was trying to mark me and if not that I didn't know what else. This wasn't even for pleasures sake at this point, he just wanted to flaunt his power over me. I felt like I was on my tip-toes trying to desperately keep breathing.

When he stopped I had warm tears sliding down my cheeks and falling into my ears slightly. His hand quickly moved off my neck releasing me but as I gasped he move to pin both my wrist above my head. His right hand was still grazing my thigh from under the dress. His face was still resting on mine as he rest the side of his on mine and whispered into my ear against my face.

" You are gonna love it, I swear. " his hand continued to move up my dress until he came into contact with my panties. I was startled not only by the sudden contact of his skin against mine but the fact that I was shocked at those being the only words I had herd from him this whole time. I wanted to scream for help, but his words made it clear that my voice couldn't be herd. It felt foolish to even try. I started to sob " Andrews please, " trying to release my arms feeling my back arching in the process.

" My name sounds so good from your lips. " he uttered in a sickening smirk. I felt my blood starting to curdle at being responded to. So. He can hear me.

That made me start to break down feeling worse than before. All this time he didn't want to hear me he didn't care and I couldn't even hear my own voice. But. It. Doesn't matter. Not to him.

Tears started to form realizing he was going to use me for his pleasure, and as I came to this he slid my panties down. I felt them slide down my legs and rested at my feet while he placed his hand on my bikini line, making my skin covered in goosebumps. I felt him press his fingers pressing into my body to try and excite my body before he was going to proceed.

As he was going to I quickly started to thrash around. I decided I wasn't going to give up like this and take it. As I started to yell trying to get him to stop but then he quickly moved his hand out from under my dress but grabbed my hip as I felt him pull me off the wall and started to drag me to the bed that was to the right of the wall.

" Shhhh! " I tried to grab at him do that I wouldn't loose my balance and fall over my panties. But then as I stood in front of the bed he pushed me onto the bed and without giving me a chance to respond, he had already crawled on top of me. He sat on top of me with his legs opened, holding my waist under him. I tried to push him off, but I couldn't reposition him or get him off of me as he quickly took off his shirt

" You bastard! " I muttered as I struggled because once he was shirtless, he grasped my wrists and pinned them above my head once again with both hands. I couldn't move at this point but try and fling my body but he had complete control over my body and of the situation. Warm tears were flowing down my stained cheeks, but I still didn't want to give up so soon. I was wiggling under him, but now he was laying on top of me. His lips touched my neck kissing my neck very aggressively as my legs were trying desperately to try and move myself out from under him. He lifted his face and let go of my wrists. He lifted himself up slightly and I felt slight relief but tried to move away but couldn't. As he sat on top of me again I was crossing my arms trying to protect myself from him taking my wrists back. But then he grasped my dress from my shoulders and began to tear it down. I screamed trying to prevent him but " NO! Stop-" I pushed him away but no use.

He tore it down to my stomach, exposing my bra in the process. I couldn't help but gasp, my entire body becoming rigid. The paused he took gave me shivers down my spine, his eyes scanned my breasts very hungrily. He gulped before he started to smirk down at my helplessness. I knew by how his face reacted that he was definitely not stopping now. His hands moved to my bra where he clasped from the middle, his hand grazing my naked skin trembled me visibly. With full force, he tried to pull my bra, but when it didn't work causing me to shout and cry at him trying. He didn't stop there, now he clenched the bra with both hands to apply the pressure to tear it apart. My vision was blurred a bit with the fresh tears, I opened my mouth to speak but only strangled sounds came out.

My hands were free but it didn't do a thing. All I could do was push him away and when I tried to use my legs to get him off of me and hurt him. He pinned my legs down with his and he was angry at me for still fighting back even after I'm whimpering after noticing he had exposed my breasts partially now. But when his hands went to try and move to lift my dress after I felt him pressing his bare chest against mine hard I could tell he had calmed down. He started to say sounding pleased " Ah! Damn you smell good, " he was sniffing through my long brown hair that was spread on both sides of me and I could tell he closed his eyes because he started to moan a bit. His face went calmer and a small sadistic smile crept onto his face as his face moved above mine as my hands jolted to his to try and prevent him.

" Just stay quiet like a good girl. You know that there's no use in trying to escape. You know you can't get away. " I started to feel his hands slither under my dress as he leaned his lips close to my left ear giving my whole body goosebumps.

" It's just you and me now, little one. "

I flung up in a cold sweat in bed feeling my heart had finally started to beat again. I noticed that I felt a little wet and this embarrassed and upsetting me, but the idea even in my sleep my body was betraying me because he's my second chance mate from hell. I quickly looked around and saw Leo who was laying beside me. I am in our room, in our bed. I'm not alone. I'm not in danger, there's no Andrews. It was just another nightmare, but a different kind of one. But, why, why did it have to feel so real even for a nightmare. For a moment, I wondered what causes them to be so different and I questioned my safety sleeping by his side. I quickly dismissed this and went to the bathroom to clean up before going to head back to try and fall asleep. But I was too shook and awake to go to sleep.

The next day I had talked to Liz, Jay, and Summer about what it was like for me being taken. I wasn't ready to bring up what really haunted me. Because my body has become more jumpy and anxious causing me to flinch or retract myself upon feeling someone touching me. It's like my body was getting more fearful by the day. I feel like despite what I keep thinking, maybe I can try and tell Leo about..what happened. He could just as well listen and understand, but then again he can just as easily go mental and go into a fit-of-rage.

I can only try to start by talking about what had happened to lead up to it. It's the weekend now, and I think it is best to try and tell him today. Leo wasn't working on some papers on his desk for the time being and I asked feeling that this topic might seem out of the blue.

" Um, Leo? Do you think we can talk for a bit.." he looked at me and said calmly but noticing my expression meant it wasn't about something pleasant.

" Sure, " he stood up from his desk and started to ask keeping his eyes on me " What is it you want to talk about? " ' This feels tougher to start this kind of topic than I thought. '

" Well, lately I've been feeling..a little lost as I've been starting to process me getting abducted. " he seemed to shift to a more serious shift in vibe. He said quietly " Yeah, I've noticed you've been in some kind of a funk these last couple days. " We decided to move to sit on the couch to continue talking. But as I explained what I've been trying to sort through I asked realizing though I was abducted Leo had a lot to deal with too.

" How have you been handling what happened? " he smiled a little and said " Why? I've been doing fairly fine with everything. " his left hand was holding mine which I started to feel a little nervous and as I looked down from him I said quietly " But I know you're not alright with everything even after the fight. " " I could tell that you.." I felt his grip loosen then tighten again on my hand. He's surprised was evident then confirmed once I finished

" ..you are angry a lot about what happened and you're acting more frustrated by the day. When it comes to..Alpha Andrews and waiting to do something with the other Alpha's approval. " I felt myself stop feeling like I'm getting a little harsh. He then said lowly in a serious tone " You could have been seriously hurt, and if you stayed any longer you could have," I got worried where his mind was and I brushed it off since I knew that was originally my intention because of where my mind was at the time.

" What I'm saying is that right now. I am okay, " I said softly trying to give him a reassuring smile. Quickly this caused him to get angry as the anger I had talked about was being let out.

" You are not okay! " he let go of my hand and sat up from the couch and ran forward and punched the wall causing me to flinch. There was a loud bang sound that came from his punch that left the wall with some cracking. He pulled his hand back from the wall silence that felt heavy filled the room.

" You are so fragile now because of how you're in such bad health all because I wasn't there to protect you! Lately you've been closing yourself off and you've been waking up almost every night and in the morning you look like you barely get any sleep. " " I know it's more than just from your Mom, and you've been trying to hide it too. That bastard.." He said looking pissed off. I was surprised that he noticed something was up, but then again, I have been acting off.

I stood up from the couch awkwardly balancing from one foot to the other trying to get him to calm down. " Leo, please, please calm down. " I was worrying for him and our boys who were asleep in their room. I got about one step close to him when he rushed to my side and sat me back down on the couch. His eyes locked with mine

" I also know, something happened that you have been trying to avoid telling me. The girl's have been sensing something about the way you were talking abut what happened. They can tell there's more to this you aren't telling. " ' Really? Did they really tell? How is this supposed to happen?! If I try to tell him now it'll look like I was hiding this because I intended to do it. Can I go threw with this now? ' he said calmly as he said once I started to panic slightly

" Don't worry, I'm not going to force you. It's not like I'm going to pester you with twenty questions. When you're ready...I'm here when you want...to tell me what happened. " he said sounding slightly neutral and understanding. I wanted to tell him, but my fear that he'd go on a murder spree was what made me bite my lip to keep myself from spilling it out. I just said quietly

" Okay, " feeling him looking a little sad that I hadn't told him even now. Once we were done he sat up and went back to doing some paperwork placing a quick kiss on my cheek. I was feeling tired and just thinking about what I was going to say made me loose my appetite. I took a nap but soon woke up to find Jay and Summer poking me to wake me up. They ended up wanting to talk about how I was doing and what some details about what I've been withholding from them. Soon any and all determination I had made me give in to fear and humiliation.

Then I was scared and hesitant to tell our friend and my younger sister that I was raped. I didn't say anything and just let them support me. I couldn't bare it if they found out some other way or from someone else. Then again, if I told them. I knew I shouldn't be embarrassed as it was not my fault, but the idea of watching my sister and friends staring at me. It would make me want to close my eyes and look away as I hug myself, and want to crawl under a rock and die from the look they'd see me with. The that they know exactly what that means he did to me. So I became disheartened at the idea of telling them yet.

[ Leo P.O.V ]

The next morning, I felt Autumn woke up from a nightmare. I asked her grumbling still feeling sleepy " Autumn...?" she started to quickly shuffle out of the bed fast and next thing I know the doors to her closet slammed closed. I rubbed my face feeling confused, tired, and alarmed but she sounded scared. I asked making my way groggily to her closet and knocked the back of my hand on the door asking rubbing my eyes

" Baby, why are you in the closet?" My eyes shot up to the doors when I herd her whimpering and my wolf was awake now. I opened the doors and saw her huddled up in the corner and was holding her knees close to her chest and was hiding her head in them. I felt confused why she was hiding. I noticed once she was looking at me when I sat down in front of her she looked shook and was shaking visibly. I asked her holding my hands out to her and said gently

" Bad nightmare? Why don't you come back to bed sweety, " but then her eyes started to cry as her expression got more pained. When she started sobbing into her knees this startled me how I some how made it worse. I felt her being like this felt kinda like I was completely unable to understand how to help her if she won't talk to me. I sighed and moved to sit beside her as I had my back against the wall of the closet. I let her cry before saying

" Autumn, I can't- " I stopped myself when I felt her crying becoming heartbreaking for me to stand anymore as my hands clenched " Please, baby. Can you please stop crying and talk to me? " I felt myself starting to whimper at her trying to give her a little space in the state she's in. When she herd me whimpering she stopped crying and when I turned myself to face her to my right she lifted her head showing her eyes still had tears in them. She was still whimpering and sniffling as she was trying to rub her face with the backs of her sleeves. I held my arms out to her and said

" Can I at least hold you to comfort you? " that was when my hands being the closest thing to her my wolf did something out of impulse or instinct. ' Wait a second, lets try this first. ' I'm not sure which but he had me moving my right hand near her neck by her hair and had me brush the back of my hand on her mark. I herd a small pause between her whimpering and then I did it again after I pulled back for a moment to try again. She looked at me strangely like she had just realized I was even here but it was a moment of confusion in her eyes.

I tried to smile at her softly as I still held my arms out to her. Then in a quick second she lunged for me and was against my chest and was clenching my shirt tightly in her hands. She started to sniffle and whimper as I felt her nuzzling into me. I held her close to me and felt like I had gotten threw to her.

After a while of me just letting her calm down I asked her softly " Why when you had your nightmare did you hide in the closet? " She kept her face in my neck as she said softly and hesitant

" The dream put me back in that other pack. " I asked " Why the closet? " she sniffled slightly after a while of silence " Because...last time I was in a bed feeling what happened I hid in the closet. " I felt concerned and surprised at her answer. I just sat down and let her feel more comfortable with me starting to hold her in my lap. Her breathing was much calmer now. After a bit she said breaking the silence as I was carrying her out of the closet and getting us both into bed.

" I couldn't escape him, but after awaking up in a bed with an Alpha. " The words made me swear that she was still a little sleepy and hadn't held back talking how she normally would about her time with Alpha Andrews. I didn't push her and then she said brushing her face up and down my neck before stopping to inhale my scent.

" I remember being scared but was trapped in a room with him and I wanted nothing more than to escape to another room, but I couldn't do anything. So, I hid in the closet so that I could have my own room to escape to cry, but it didn't do much.." that was when I felt my hold on her tighten as the concept of her being so trapped and desperate to escape made me angry and scared for her. That was when I realized that what she meant by bed my heartbeat raced as I realized a horrible possibility that hurt in my chest. I then asked her softly

" Baby, why didn't you just ask me to hold you to keep you safe at first? " she didn't answer and after a bit she said faintly before starting to fall asleep in my arms.

" Because I herd and saw him in what you were saying and doing. Except, I didn't realize it was you till I could feel something when you brushed my..mark.." the way she said that made me see a view of Andrews that disturbed me deeply and made me want that to be enough for tonight. I lifted myself up, holding her gently as I couldn't wait to tuck her into our bed with the blankets. I laid beside her and watched her sleep glancing every so often at the closet with the doors of it wide open. Her nightmare gave me a foggy idea of what she meant by bed.

But I decided to let it rest for now, as I too wanted to drift off to sleep again.

[ Autumn P.O.V ]

Last night, I had another nightmare but of reliving everything from when Andrews..raped me. It was overly hurtful like the one before on Friday, this one had everything that was said and how I felt. It was in high detail and I knew that Leo wasn't going to let this go now.

Leo would try and touch my shoulder only to have me jolt away from his hands. I had been doing that EVERY TIME that someone would try and touch me ever since. I knew this hurt him at least a little, not knowing what to do to help to be able to touch his mate. In that way, I think everyone knew by how they'd try, and get the same response. It was like my body was responding to my mind not wanting anyone to touch me, again.

I started to sit on the couch a lot and tried to clear my weary mind by spending most of my time watch our boys. As I sat on the couch Leo tried to touch my arm and I flinched again, but then he did something else hesitantly.

He just held his arms open holding his hands out just enough to where they were right in front of mine. He didn't make any moves to touch me. He looked at me his head lowered as he kept a worried sweet small smile as he looked at me. I wanted him to touch me and how he was trying different things to help me want to let him touch me. I felt tears starting to form in the corners of my eyes as I shakily moved my fingertips to slide into his much bigger hands. They didn't move and just let me try and move closer letting me tell myself that I want to touch him and that he wasn't going to do anything to me. It was starting to work as next thing I knew I was starting to sob at how much I missed him and how I could barely look him in the eye. Then I felt myself wrap my arms around him and started to sob into him as my tears started to soak his shirt.

Then when I really wanted to tell Leo what happened he held my hands in his slowly. He rested his forehead against mine once I pulled away from his chest and faced him, and said gently " Do you want to talk about what's causing your nightmares? There seems to be a pattern. " since I was crying and was struggling to make the words come out of my mouth.

" I---I want to---but--I--I," I bit my lip feeling the weight of the words unable to let my mouth make the words into sound. The mere thought of saying anything out loud threatened tears.

Then he said softly as both are eyes closed " Show me, " " Let yourself knock down the wall, and let me in. Then start at the beginning, or wherever is easiest. "