20. Back to reality

~XXXXX~

Castle looked at her wide-eyed as she crushed his illusions of just dwelling in the lightness of the moment, in the happiness he felt creeping through his every being right now. The whole day had just been too good to be true and he didn't want to think about tomorrow. But of course she was right, they needed to discuss the next steps, there was a lot to think about.

"I have to tell Alexis," he stated serious, placing his now empty glass on the table, this was not negotiable anymore. He wouldn't keep Alexis out of the loop any longer.

Kate nodded slowly, but something seemed to bother her.

"You don't agree?" He asked and couldn't completely keep the edge out of his voice. Did she really expect him to wait even longer to tell his daughter and for the girls to meet?

She was quick to correct him, "No, I mean - I agree you need to tell Alexis, it's time and Jamie needs to know as well. Though I think it would be best you'd tell her." She hadn't missed the accusation that had clinked to his words, but she refrained from pointing out it had been his decision not to tell his daughter about Jamie, she had never asked him to keep it from Alexis, but she knew there was no use in starting an argument about it.

"I hear a 'but'," he still looked sceptical, the past weeks had made him cautious. He wasn't used to Kate and him being on the same page.

"No but, just a suggestion," she tried to reassure him.

"Kate," his voice was stern, he really had enough of taking it slow and now that Jamie knew he certainly didn't see any reason to keep it that way.

"Please hear me out," she stopped his protest, her eyes never leaving his, sure and open and he wondered where the withdrawn woman he had gotten to know over the past weeks had disappeared to. "I just think it would be best for Jamie to have you to herself for a week or two, before she gets to meet Alexis."

"I'm not sure I understand," he admitted, but her open nature made him more willing to listen to what she had to say.

"Look, having you, having a dad, that's all new to Jamie. She's never had a father figure or anything close to it in her life before - ."

He cut her off, not believing what she'd just implied. "You mean you never were close enough with someone to have him meet Jamie? There was never -." He knew he had no right to ask but it surprised him. He had been sure a woman like Kate, well, there would've been men lining up to be with her, take her out, sweep her of her feet. "What about your dad?" He asked, suddenly realizing she had never mentioned him.

"It's always been just her and me," she simply confirmed, sidestepping his question about her father in one swift move.

Just her and Jamie. For some ridiculous reason it made his heart jump with joy that she had never let anyone close enough for Jamie to meet. It made missing the first two years of his daughter's life easier, to know no one else had taken his place, not even for a while.

"Anyway," she continued, "this is all new to her and I'm a bit concerned she might get jealous if we add Alexis into the mix too soon. You know? Don't get me wrong, we will and I'm sure Jamie will be thrilled to meet her sister but I think it's best she has a week, maybe two alone with you to understand and to come to term with everything." She looked at him with expectant eyes, "What do you think?"

Castle just stared at Kate. She had never asked for his opinion before. So far she had called all the shots and he had obeyed. Now, when for the first time getting a say in things he realized he had to agree with her. Jamie had seemed to be okay with the developments tonight, but there was no guarantee it would be the same in the morning. It was a lot for a two year old to take in and maybe Alexis would need a couple of days as well to wrap her mind around the new addition to the family. This was probably not what she had in mind when telling him she would be okay having a sibling.

"I think you're right," he finally nodded. "I will tell them about each other, try to see how they deal with the news and when we think they're ready we bring them together." He made sure to emphasize the 'we'. Just like his mother had said they both needed to learn to do this together and he knew Kate had taken giant steps tonight to do so, it was only fair to show he wanted the same.

"Sounds like a plan," Kate smiled, before her face got serious again. There was something else she wanted to tell him. She knew she had been more than difficult in the beginning of all of this, but she wanted him to know she had come to terms with things, with him. She wanted him to know she wasn't just accepting his presence in Jamie's life anymore, she wanted him here. There was more, so much more she owed him but she wasn't ready for that quite yet. So for now she would give him this, hoping it would be enough.

"Castle," and suddenly the hesitancy he was so used to was back in her voice and in her posture. "I want you to know –;" she didn't get any further when both their heads shot around, hearing Jamie's frightened cries.

Castle was right behind Kate when she rushed into Jamie's room, gathering the sobbing girl into her arms.

"Hey baby, it's alright. Mommy's here," she tried to sooth her daughter, "Did you have a bad dream?"

She felt Jamie nod in her embrace, lifting her eyes to Castle who scooted closer, his hand running through Jamie's curls.

"Do you want to tell us about the dream?" He asked and only then Jamie seemed to notice his presence. Her small arms reaching out immediately and when Castle's eyes met Kate's he could see the hurt in them, still she gently handed their daughter over, watched her cling to her dad like she usually clung to her.

She would lie if she pretended it didn't hurt, but it was okay. She would get used to it. It was just new.

"Bad men, coming for me and mommy," Jamie mumbled into his neck and Castle heard Kate sigh. So it hadn't been the first time his daughter had had this dream, he concluded and one look at Kate confirmed his suspicion.

"Hey Jamie," he placed a soft kiss against his daughter's forehead, waiting for her to look at him. "Do you remember what we learned from Papa Bear?"

She gave a slight nod.

"He protected Baby Bear, didn't he?" Castle waited for Jamie to give another nod. "And I will do the same. I promise, I will never allow for anyone to hurt you," he looked at Kate, "or your mom." He knew very well Kate didn't need him to protect her, but he felt like he had to include her for Jamie's sake. He just hoped Kate wouldn't have his head for it later.

Kate's eyes flickered, her heart clenching at his words.

"Not if I can prevent it," he went on, "and I will do everything it takes to keep this promise. Whatever it takes."

Again Jamie nodded and Castle gently put her back to bed, pulling the covers up and tucking her in. Looking up he saw Kate watching him with soft eyes, something new shining in them he had never seen before, affection?

"Thank you," she whispered. It had been a long time since someone had made her feel safe in this way. She hadn't noticed she'd missed it. Not that she physically needed Castle to protect her. She was a cop, she could take care of herself but she had been on her own for so long, she'd almost forgotten how it could feel not to have to do everything alone. Sure she knew Royce had her back, but that was different, so different from the promise Castle had just given them. And she might not be ready to accept this gift for herself, couldn't even be sure Castle wanted or could keep this promise towards her, but she was more than ready to accept it for Jamie.

They waited until they were sure Jamie had fallen asleep again before quietly leaving her alone. Out in the hallway Castle turned to Kate, "I better get going. It's getting late and my mother will wonder where I am."

"Okay," she nodded, following him to the front door.

"Oh," he turned, "what did you want to tell me earlier?" He asked putting on his shoes.

"It can wait," she told him, feeling the moment for another big revelation had passed. Enough had happened for one day. "Hey, what are you doing tomorrow after lunch?" She asked instead as if the question had just entered her mind.

"Nothing in particular, maybe write a little. Why do you ask?" He stepped towards her.

"I thought maybe we could meet after my lunch break and you and Jamie could spend some time together. I can tell Cynthia to take the afternoon off and you just bring Jamie back here around five."

His eyes lit up, "I'd loved to."

"Good," she smiled.

"Good."

"I'll call you about where to meet us?" She suggested and he gave her another nod in reply.

"That sounds great," he took another step towards her. "Thank you - ," he looked down at his feet, suddenly nervous. "I mean for today, it has been -," she cut him off, laughing nervously.

"Quite something," she offered but he shook his head.

"It was perfect." He stared at her with those blue eyes which were doing things to her she didn't understand and suddenly the day's events came crushing down on Kate, threatening to overwhelm her.

"Castle," she stuttered, watching him close the remaining distance between them and before she knew it she found herself wrapped in his embrace.

He wasn't thinking, he just acted on the lost look in her eyes and his impulses that told him she needed a hug, looking as if no one had hugged her in a very long time, but now feeling her stiffen in his arms he wasn't so sure anymore. About to pull back and apologize, he suddenly felt her arms slowly sneak around his waist, tentatively squeezing back. And for minutes they just stood there, until he moved his mouth to her ear and whispered, "We'll work it all out, Kate."

"I know," she mumbled back into his chest, finally pulling away. "Thanks, Castle."

The smile he gave her was one of the most gorgeous things she had ever seen and then he opened the door, mumbling his goodbye and was gone.

Castle practically flew through the door and into the loft, after tipping the cabby way too much money, but he didn't care, "Mother!" He called out, jumping when she shot out of the kitchen.

"Richard," she hissed. "Alexis is already in bed. Would you please keep it down?"

He had the decency to look at least a bit ashamed, "Sorry." He whispered.

"What has you in this splendid mood anyway?" His mother asked, guiding him towards the couch.

"She knows," he just blurred it out.

His mother frowned at him, "Who knows what? Richard are you alright?" She touched his forehead checking if he had a fever.

"Mother," he swatted her hand away. "Jamie knows. She knows I'm her father."

"Oh Richard," her hand flew up to cover her mouth, before reaching out for her son, "That's wonderful."

Castle hugged her enthusiastically, "I'm so happy."

"I know you are, kiddo." Martha pulled back, her hands framing his face, "I know you are. Now tell me what happened. I found your note. Kate called you and asked you to come over?"

"Yes," he confirmed, sinking down onto the couch, pulling his mother down next to him. "She had work to do and Jamie was bored, so she asked if I could take her for a while."

"And?" As usual his mother had no patience for the built-up for a good story.

He told her, about the bookstore, about Papa and Baby Bear and how Jamie had figured out the truth about him, about them.

"She's a smart kid," Martha smiled, seeing the pride in her son's eyes.

"Well she's my daughter," he beamed at her.

"Yeah well, maybe she got that from her mother?" Martha teased, loving to get a rise out of her son.

"What?" He protested. "Look at Alexis, I make clever kids."

"Touché, Alexis certainly did not get her smart brain from her mother," she replied sarcastically.

"Mother." He was at least trying to put on a stern face.

"What? It's true." She shrugged. "So what's next?"

"I'll pick Jamie up tomorrow after lunch, spend some time with her alone," he told her.

"And Alexis?" Martha questioned.

"I will tell her tomorrow, but Kate and I agreed to give both of them a week or two to get used to the new situation before we bring them together."

"You and Kate, huh?" She raised one eyebrow at him, noticing the change in his tone.

"What?" He looked at her.

"Ah nothing, kiddo." She smiled and patted his arm. "I'm glad it's all working out."

"Yeah, me too," he sighed, taking his mother's hand and squeezing it tightly. "She changed, you know."

"Kate?"

"Yeah, tonight - I don't know, it was different, she was different." Martha had to smile at the confused look on her son's face.

"Good different or bad different?" She asked.

"Good I think – I hope," he mumbled.

Martha didn't comment on it, just waited him out, knowing there was more that bothered him.

"How am I going to tell Alexis?" He finally breathed out, his happy eyes turning dark with worry. He had wanted so badly to finally involve his daughter, but now that the time was here he was terrified.

"Carefully," Martha simply replied.

"What if she hates me?" He knew he was overreacting.

"Richard, now who's the drama queen in this family? She's your daughter, she loves you. She could never hate you. Maybe she'll be irritated, upset but just be honest and give her some time if she needs it. You've done such a great job with Alexis especially since she left," Martha gave him a pointed look, avoiding her son's ex-wife's name. "Just follow your instincts and make sure she knows that Jamie won't change what you two have. I'm sure you'll figure it out." She told him, standing up. Placing a kiss on top of his head she gathered her things. "Call me after you've talked to Alexis?"

He nodded, before getting up and hugging his mother goodbye. "I call you tomorrow evening," and then kissing her cheek he added. "Thank you - for everything."

"Anytime kiddo."

~XXXXX~

AN: Thanks so much to everyone who commented on the last chapter, the feedback has been amazing. I was so nervous about that one.

And thanks to the guys over at the 12th Precinct Blog for the Shout Out.

I'll leave you with this for the weekend.