11 Run

"So many complex, but I'm lookin' for love~"

"I think the most important love," Min Yoongi deliberated as he looked straight into the camera Jae Chan was aiming at him, "is the love you feel for yourself. Till you can't accept your own being without any inhibitions, you can't accept that of someone else's."

Namjoon listened with rapt attention as he and the members monitored Yoongi's interview. Jae Chan had commenced the shooting of their individual segments with regards to the members' thoughts on the first mini-album of the series and what their chief motivation had been for the songs included on it. Yoongi had volunteered to go first and Namjoon knew exactly why.

"I bet he wants to finish this as soon as possible and go back to sleep," So Min whispered in Ji Ah's ear and the brunette-haired woman bit back a chuckle. The past few weeks with Bangtan had familiarized the pair with the members' habits and idiosyncrasies and Ji Ah had no doubt that her colleague's observation was the right one.

And sure enough, as soon as Jae Chan announced the conclusion of his segment, Yoongi rose, stretching his arms and shooting the members a lazy grin as he ambled out of the recording studio. Namjoon laughed with the others, teasing Yoongi for his lethargy.

Ji Ah's gaze was fixed on him, smiling as she watched the rapper, happy and surrounded by the people he loved and who loved him right back. Looks like there's no cause for concern, she thought but a tap on her shoulder diverted her attention.

Jae Chan was studying her intently, his eyes roving to where Namjoon was seated. "I hope we don't have any issues here," he said quietly and the inference was implicit in his words.

Ji Ah shook her head. "None at all." The last thing she needed was her boss suspecting her of inappropriate indulgences and she realized that she'd have to conduct herself carefully around Kim Namjoon, who had somehow managed to, again, breach her defenses.

"Alright, Mr. Kim, you're next," Jae Chan declared absent-mindedly as he fixed the position of the camera.

Three pairs of eyes turned towards him quizzically. Seokjin and Taehyung exchanged perplexed looks and Namjoon's forehead furrowed as his eyes found Ji Ah's.

She chuckled as Jae Chan realized his error. "I think he means the leader," she stated as the videographer nodded hurriedly.

Namjoon strode towards the chair positioned in the middle of the room, plopping into it slowly as he faced the camera. He gulped uncertainly, his eloquence at a loss for words. This was rare, and though he knew what he wanted to say, for some reason, the syllables refused to piece themselves together. Ji Ah watched him struggle, wondering if she had mistaken his nervousness for contentment.

The noise in the room seemed to have faded into the background as the leader attempted to convey his emotions. There was so much he wanted to express; how the concept of the mini-album had been envisioned, how the songs had been written, how the title had been chosen. But in that moment, Namjoon simply couldn't utter a word.

"How about another member goes before Mr. Kim?" Ji Ah's suggestion lanced through his convoluted thoughts. "I think he needs a little more time and since he's the leader, it'd be symbolic for him to go last."

Jae Chan considered her idea and asserted his agreement. Seokjin took Namjoon's place, patting the younger man's back as he quietly slipped out of the room. Ji Ah's gaze rested on him and she leaned towards So Min. "Take over for me for a bit," she said, not giving the woman a chance to voice any objections as Ji Ah followed Namjoon.

She found him perched atop a windowsill, staring out into space, his fingers entwined tightly. So engrossed was he that he didn't notice her until she placed a palm on his shoulder.

"Are you alright?"

Namjoon jolted at the sudden contact, his head whirling towards Ji Ah. "Uh, I'm okay. I just needed to collect my thoughts."

A sudden plan sprung into Ji Ah's head, though she was fully aware of how unethical it would be. But looking at the forlorn expression on Namjoon's face, all such contemplations went right out the window he had been gazing out of.

"How about a change of place?"

                                ***

The antique bookstore was situated in a small enclosure of downtown Seoul and Ji Ah felt it was the perfect place to unwind Namjoon, knowing his love for books.

Save the cashier and an attendant, the store was mostly deserted as the pair quickly stepped into it. A hard, wooden oak door served as the entrance leading into a serenely lit foyer. An ancient staircase decorated with frilled handrails spiraled upwards and Namjoon followed Ji Ah as she climbed it.

The first floor housed a number of elaborately carved bookshelves, rows of volumes arranged in neat lines. In the centre of the room, miniature tables with chairs placed around them offered a welcoming respite for customers and avid readers.

Ji Ah led Namjoon towards a booth obscured by a particularly tall shelf, a perfect cover against prying eyes. His eyes roamed over the intricate infrastructure of the place, awed by the homely feel it exuded. The leader pulled out a chair, plunking into it as Ji Ah scrutinized him.

"Like it?" she asked, hoping he would answer in the affirmative.

"Love it!" he exclaimed and Ji Ah grinned at the childlike excitement which twinkled in his deep eyes.

"Well then, how about we prep you for what you'd like to say?" she offered carefully, not wanting to pressure Namjoon in any way.

The rapper met her gaze, smiling softly. "How did you know this would help?"

Ji Ah beamed, leaning forward, her head propped up on her palm. "You just confirmed that it has," she replied in a low voice. "Well, where would you like to begin, Mr. Kim?"

Namjoon pondered her question, his eyebrows scrunching in thought. "So, as you already know, I'm the leader of BTS, RM-"

"I'm more curious about Kim Namjoon."

His eyes widened at Ji Ah's words as he processed them. The rapper couldn't decipher the look in her eyes, mysteriously unnerved by the intensity with which they seemed to be gazing at him.

"You can't really separate one from the other you know," he began, trying to comprehend what the woman was getting at.

"Maybe you can't. But I want to know what Kim Namjoon feels, how he produces his music, how he deals with this life," Ji Ah said, waving her hands towards him in vivid gestures.

"I, uh," Namjoon scrambled for a response, his head turning away, "I dredge up my innermost emotions and feelings."

Ji Ah snapped her fingers as she nodded. "That's what I'm talking about! There's no doubt that being RM is a part of you, but it's imperative for you to know that being Kim Namjoon is just as important."

"I've never really thought about it," he said slowly, her words beginning to sink in. "For me, RM and Kim Namjoon have always been the same entities. I never thought it was possible for both to feel different emotions."

"The emotions aren't different, Namjoon," Ji Ah replied and he felt like she could see right through him. "What's different is how they are perceived by both."

Namjoon considered this, wondering if that's where his music emerged from. "The songs I write, they're an expression of amalgamated emotions and feelings, what I've experienced as RM and what I've experienced as Kim Namjoon," he mused out loud and Ji Ah's probing eyes observed his clouded ones. "Lately, I've realized that they aren't just restricted to rap."

For Namjoon, rapping had always been a way to purge the negative emotions festering within him. And he had succeeded, maybe not completely, but he had to a good extent. Now, he wanted his music to assume a freer mode, a mode which allowed him to explore what it was really capable of doing. And that didn't necessarily mean confining it to rap.

"I want to try new things," he admitted, meeting Ji Ah's gaze for the first time in minutes. "But I'm afraid people won't like it."

And all at once, Ji Ah knew what was crippling Namjoon: his apprehension that a new way of creating music wouldn't be appreciated. She didn't know how she could allay his fears but she did know how to assure him that there was nothing wrong with trying.

"I think you should," she said, looking Namjoon straight in the eye.

"But what if not everyone likes it?" he demanded and Ji Ah took his hand, squeezing it as she smiled.

"If your music touches even one person," she said, the warmth of her skin seeping into Namjoon's, "then it's worth it."

He stared at her and Ji Ah quickly let go, running her hand through her hair as she grinned nonchalantly. "And since when have you let external factors direct what you do?"

Namjoon laughed at this, about to reply when Ji Ah's shrill ringtone resounded within the space. She glanced at the caller id and sighed. "We need to get back to Big Hit."

He nodded as they rose to exit the store, their conversation still lingering in Namjoon's memory as the luminous lights of the city cast a glow over the sidewalk Ji Ah and he hurried across.

"Crap, we should've probably asked for the van," he lamented as a man bumped into him, apologizing as he strode away in a hurry. A few glinting flashes caught Ji Ah's attention, her eyes widening in terror as she realized that some paparazzi had spotted them.

"Namjoon, you're going to have to walk a little faster," Ji Ah warned, starting to grab his elbow.

But the rapper was frantically feeling his pockets, seeking his phone when a sinking feeling descended over him, recollecting the man whom he had knocked into earlier. He had most likely swiped it, Namjoon realized with dismay.

"What?" Ji Ah exclaimed when he informed her, Namjoon's eyes raking the street for any sign of the perpetrator. He spotted him a few yards away and pointed as Ji Ah looked in the direction he was indicating. They obviously had to get it back before the thief realized who the owner of the phone was.

"How fast of a runner are you?" she asked, pulling her hair into a bun and turning to him.

Namjoon's face paled underneath the mask he had donned as he realized what Ji Ah was about to do. Before he could stop her, she took off in the direction of the pickpocket, sprinting at full speed. She glanced over her shoulder and Namjoon began to follow her, aware that the paparazzi were close on their heels. They were in double trouble.

Why didn't we bring the damn van? he lamented anxiously.

"C'mon Namjoon!" Ji Ah yelled in a frenzy, motioning for him to increase his pace. 

"Run!"