Prologue/Chapter 0

Back when I was still a little kid, I always sought attention from those around me. The doctors told me it was a disorder, my family said I need to get my shit together and the people around me answered my calls by making fun of me.

I'd spend every waking moment resenting myself for it, yet somehow, I couldn't stop seeking attention and making a mess of myself for the enjoyment of others. I think, that I was just so afraid of being abandoned, that I resorted to losing myself if it meant, I could at least spend some time with my 'friends'.

I guess, eventually, that resentment i felt transformed me into the person I am today.

Those are the sort of thoughts rushing through my head daily, as I enter the sunbathed and practically boiling classroom. In the distance, chattering can be heard from some of the girls in class.

Oh wait, she's approaching me. What's her deal?

„ Hey Vill, My friend over there has a crush on you…"

{Vill}: „Wha- huh?"

I panic and start frantically looking around the room, trying to make sense of the situation.

Oh wait, this must be one of those scenarios. I bet they're making fun of me. Damn how do I answer, I never talked to any of my classmates before.

{Vill}: „Uhmm, cool."

„ You don't have anything to say to her? Would you go on a date with her?"

{Vill}: „Eh- probably not… I guess. Y-You see, I barely know her at all, ha~."

„ Oh gosh, he rejected you, haha."

{Vill}: „Ah…"

Their little group starts breaking out in a humiliating laughter as a shiver runs down my spine and I start to sweat. I pretend like I have to go to the toilet, but in reality, I just want to escape from the situation. I end up being so scared of returning to the classroom, that I visit the school office and tell them, that I'm sick and have to go home.

On the way home, I start breaking out in tears at the sheer dread created by this one interaction. I don't want to keep living like this…