My mess
POV
Millie
It's Sunday night and I'm told I can leave in the morning. Nurses come in and out of the room every so often. Steph sits on a chair in the corner of the hospital room, she hasn't left my side since she first came here other than to Uber to the house for Mia's car and my phone, the store to grab us some things, oh and the book store to buy another book. She's reading yet another dark romance novel. She insisted on reading me some chapters and although they make me question my morals and I won't tell Steph this, I already ordered her recommended books on Amazon.
I pull up on my light green hospital gown that keeps falling off my shoulder and adjust my position on the uncomfortable bed. My lower stomach is cramping a bit but the pain meds are helping. I stare out of the window at the dark sky, the same darkness I feel in my heart. My emotions have been varying every hour. Sadness, anger, numbness, rage. I laugh sometimes, cry others, and attempt to make peace with my reality.
Last night Steph insisted on telling the guys about Dani giving me a drink but I refused. I'll talk about it when I'm ready and if I'm being honest, although I dislike Dani, I don't want her head on a stick if she wasn't the one responsible. I'm 99% sure it was her but the 1% is to still be determined and when the 1% is in fact determined, she will pay. I'll find out even if it takes me my last breath to do so.
As for X, I haven't spoken to him yet. I just need my time before I face him again. I know I was in the wrong for how I reacted but when it comes to my grief, I just can't explain it and why I do and say the things I do. I'll text him soon to see if he wants to talk tomorrow. I called Marlene earlier to inform her I'm in the hospital, reasons not explained. She's letting me have tomorrow off and told me to take as much time as I need to regain my health. I'll be going back into self-destruction mode if I have too much time on my hands so I only intend on taking tomorrow off.
The baby, my sweet little gummy bear went to be with my mama. I guess my dad too, let's just hope he's the better version of himself up there. My heart hurts more than anything else for my baby. The only tears shed are for him/her, the only tears deserved. I really don't give a shit about what happened to me, I'm fine, I'll live but my baby was taken away before I even had the chance to know them. Justice or karma, call it what you will, will certainly be served one way or another in due time. In the meantime, I will cherish the little time we did have together, and until we meet again my little gummy bear.
Last night, I physically lost a part of me, a part of us, at the same time I lost a part of my mentality, my mind has shifted on how I see the world. The world I once saw as beautiful is now tainted with evil.
Steph breaks my deep, dark thoughts with a different set of deep and dark, "I gotta read you this chapter!" She shrieks.
"Go on," I roll my eyes.
She reads me several chapters and I confess to my Amazon order, which makes her ecstatic because now we can share our thoughts on the story. She explained to me why she never texted me back last night because of her role-play with Julian and his stupidity for not giving her a heads up. She insists that X and I need to try it out and that it's a whole new experience. We'll see…
It's nearing midnight now, Steph has fallen asleep on a cot but I'm unable to sleep. I hold my phone in my hands, palms sweating because I need to text X. I'm unsure how he feels towards me after accusing him of putting me in the hospital.
Me: hey X
No response, it's now been a half hour and I feel my anxiety rising.
One hour later, one in the morning.
X: hey
Me: how are you?
I'm treading lightly.
X: been better, u?
Me: same. I'm getting out tomorrow, do you think we meet up and talk?
No response after fifteen minutes.
Me: X? I'm sorry about last night. I'm sorry for accusing you of all this, I know it wasn't you.
X: it's fine, working out. Talk to you later
Me: oh ok
He never confirmed whether or not a talk tomorrow is going to happen. I'm sure I've broken him to pieces and it's my mess to clean up now.