One Piece: Reborn as Satoru Gojo

You know you're having a bad day when you wake up floating on an endless ocean.

"Well at least there is a beautiful sky," I muttered. Not a cloud, not a star—just these faint, shimmering streaks, like the universe had decided to try finger painting, but there was something majestic in this.

My name is Allen. Or it was Allen. Hard to say what counts when you might be dead.

Last thing I remembered? Falling asleep in the passenger seat of my buddy's car on the way to a concert. Next thing I know—bam—floating on the world's flattest waterbed.

Am I dead? Probably. Abducted by aliens? Not impossible. Or after death my consciousness was digitalized and now I am locked here forever.

In such a situation, out of desperation, all sorts of crazy ideas appear in my head, and I have to hope that everything is not so bad.

But wherever I was, it sure wasn't Ohio.

Floating there, I had plenty of time to think, which is the worst thing when you're dealing with an existential crisis.

My mom was probably a wreck—ugly crying, snot and all. She always had a flair for dramatics. My dad? No clue. He walked out when I was nine, so I doubt he suddenly developed a conscience. As for my friends… well, I'd like to think they miss me.

And me? I thought about the little stuff. The books I'd never read. The places I'd never seen.

The movies I'd never watched because I was too busy saying "I'll get to it later." Well, later had come and gone, and here I was—floating on the cosmic equivalent of "too late".

And then I heard a voice.

"Hey! You! Get up!" a boy's voice rang out.

I blinked and turned my head. There, standing—yes, standing—on the water, was a kid. Or at least he looked like a kid. Flaming red hair, eyes like molten amber, and a grin so smug it made me want to punch him on principle. His outfit was... peculiar. Ribbons, a crop top and Baggy shorts? strange outfit, but in such a situation probably not many things can be strange.

"Get up," he repeated, placing his hands on his hips.

"How am I supposed to stand on water?" I shot back. "Physics doesn't exactly—"

"Just do it," he interrupted with irritation on his face.

Annoying, that stupid kid...

But I followed his advice.

After one awkward push-up, I was waddling on my feet like a baby giraffe. And it turns out that standing on water is surprisingly easy. Hmm, but I guess that only works here. 

"Good," the kid said. "We don't have all day. Name's Peon. I'm a demon. You're dead. Questions?"

I stared. "Wait, what? So I'm..."

Peon groaned like I was the dumbest person he'd ever met. "Yes, you died. Souls like yours—wandering souls—don't just disappear. You're eternal, which means you get a second chance. Lucky you."

"Lucky?" I asked, still trying to wrap my head around the demon part.

"Don't interrupt," he snapped. "You're getting reincarnated. New world, new body, new chance to mess it all up. Your job is to survive. Most of you don't. But hey, that's not my problem."

Before I could argue, the water around us began to ripple. A shadow rose from the depths—a massive, towering figure. For one brief, horrifying moment, I thought it was a Kraken.

It wasn't.

It was a slot machine.

Yes, a slot machine. Thirty meters tall, chrome and blindingly shiny, with flashing lights that screamed "Vegas on steroids." Peon hopped onto the lever with the enthusiasm of a kid at a theme park.

"Behold! The 'Heart of Fortune,' arbiter of your destiny!" he announced, yanking the lever with dramatic flair.

The machine roared to life, reels spinning and clinking like the universe had just discovered gambling. I held my breath as the slots slowed, one by one.

First: a pirate hat. Then: a compass. Finally, the words: One Piece.

"One Piece?" I blurted. "You're sending me to a world full of sea monsters, warlords, and pirates?"

Peon shrugged. "Could be worse. Last guy got dropped into a dystopian wasteland where it rained acid, food was a myth, and the only law was enforced by a gang of cannibal cyborgs."

Before I could protest, Peon yanked the lever again. The machine spun faster this time, clinking and chiming until it revealed a single face.

My jaw dropped. "Wait. That's... Gojo Satoru. Like, the Gojo Satoru? Infinity powers?"

"Yep," Peon said, smirking. "Looks like you hit the jackpot. Don't screw it up."

I didn't have time to bask in my insane luck, because that's when the shadow appeared.

A wolf. No, not a wolf—a hulking, inky beast, its fur rippling like liquid darkness. Its eyes glowed with a cold, predatory light. And it was big. Big enough to make me feel like a snack.

Before I could even scream, it lunged. Its jaws clamped around my torso, and—well, let's just say it was quick. One second, I was whole. The next? I was wolf chow.

The last thing I heard before everything went black was Peon's voice, casual as ever.

"Just don't die too fast"