WeiMoZhiEr
Great premise, certainly a first for me in this platform! Wonderfully done to make you feel for the MC, not too much and not too little. Character's are mostly fine, although the whole conflict between the MC and the royalties really did sell me on the whole thing. Great descriptions and certainly a nice flow of writing, a style which I can day I like. Now onto things that could be improved: 1) Usage of long paragraphs really need some re-editing. Don't overuse them, make it so that when they do come, they come with am impact. Having more than one every now and then makes it hard to follow. 2) You make the narrator as being its own character... Now this, is a bold move. Not to say it's necessarily a bad thing, but it certainly come off as jarring at first. Maybe that's one thing you can tinker about. But anyways, that's mostly what I got from these first five chapters. Solid start, now it's all up to you to follow up. Just do your thing, and keep on striving for greatness.
I can’t really say much about the characters and world building since we’re only six chapters in BUT so far it’s been really good!! ♥(ˆ⌣ˆԅ) I really like how the beginning was set up and how we started with the other characters POV where we see them on their way to meet the mc! ♡ ~('▽^人) I also like the premise!! I’m really curious to see how things will turn out! (Also it’s pretty funny how they react to the littlest things the mc does-)(*≧▽≦)ノシ))