The Defective Detective

I lived in a big ass town called Idio which, historically, was named because many of the people were idiots then and are idiots now. Smart people existed too, of course, but they were hard to find. I was one of them.

"Mr. Habitat?" A man infront of me asked, he wore a suit. "Do you still want this boring job?"

"What? Oh, hell yes, of course!" I managed to snap out of it.

"Well sir," he replied "You just need to answer one last question, or more accurately you need to prove your skills. You say you want to be a detective, yes? Please, may I see your deduction skills? in my ordinary office, what out-of-the-ordinary shit can you perceive?"

I started looking around with my head. Yes, indeed, his office was ordinary. But nothing is ever perfectly ordinary. Finally I scanned the wall behind him. "You graduated from a university that only allows those with the highest marks" I said. He looked shocked.

"Indeed, but how could you possibly know that?" he asked.

"I deduce that the paper behind you on the wall is your fucking diploma" I explained. The man gasped with excitement.

"How did you know?"

"It says so on the front with your name on it" said I. His eyes widened and asked if I could deduce more. I looked around and pointed at his ID card "I perceive that that is your ID card"

"Oh-em-jee! How did you know?" he shrieked

"It says your stupid name and phone number in the front" I pointed out.

"You sir," he slammed the desk "Have the job!" he shook my hand then fainted in amazement.

I never thought I would actually do it.