17_evolution3
"Dr. Tony really is amazing! It seems like he managed to suppress it well," Dr. Ban exclaimed in admiration. A week had passed since the incident with the whale, and it appeared the voices doubting Gracia had vanished, presumably due to some method employed by Dr. Tony.
Dr. Ban praised him as if boasting, and I observed this with an indescribable feeling. Dr. Tony hadn't told me anything.
Dr. Ban turned towards me and asked, "By the way, what's the matter? It seemed like you had something to discuss."
Not even understanding myself, I had been forcefully swallowing something vast and distorted. I felt that with just a little trigger, everything would collapse from the ground up.
It's during times like these that I seek out Dr. Ban.
"What is it really..." But overwhelmed with questions and not knowing how to articulate them, I finally blurted out, "Why are we living, really?"
"Is that about the meaning of life, or the reason for living?" he queried.
"Well, not about finding it... What I mean is, more fundamentally, why do humans live?"
Dr. Ban poured himself some warm coffee, filling the room with its bittersweet aroma. He took a sip and then said, "Meaning is a fiction. It doesn't exist in the first place. What exists is just the reason why a phenomenon occurred. In your case, the 'Life Tree' underwent a mutation, creating a human body, and you have lived up to this point. That's why you're alive."
His words flowed seamlessly, a merciless stream of words.
"How should one live after giving up on finding meaning?" I asked, my tone resigned.
"You can't give up. Even knowing it doesn't exist, we still keep searching for it. It's the price we pay for human evolution," he replied.
"Human evolution's price...?"
"Do you think other animals seek the meaning of life?"
I shook my head.
"That's right. The reason is our brain, which has evolved uniquely. Thanks to this, humans alone possess the power to imagine, to create fiction. This was a significant advantage. It allowed us to form complex societies, develop intricate language systems, and create social orders and cultures—fictions that prevent breakdown regardless of the human population. That's why we have thrived to this extent."
I listened intently, captivated by Dr. Ban's words.
"But that also led us to seek fiction in the very act of living. Evolution is not always about benefits; it comes with drawbacks too. Hence, searching for the meaning of life is the price of evolution. It's not something we can give up on. We can only accept it. That's what I believe."
Evolution, turning full circle to torment oneself. Images of the whale, plants evolved to kill humans, and a tree that sacrificed its body to preserve other species, all flashed through my mind.
Dr. Ban's words resonated profoundly with me.
Alone with my thoughts, I would just be gently enveloped by a sense of despair. But talking with Dr. Ban, the despair seemed to materialize and strangle me. Yet, his words contained a sense of understanding that somehow distracted from the despair.
That's why I sought out Dr. Ban.
After a while, I would be exposed to despair again, but for now, understanding provided a distraction. Finally, I felt calm enough to breathe.
Noticing my state, Dr. Ban didn't press for a response and resumed his work.
Suddenly, a document Dr. Ban was working on caught my eye. It was a report from our last visit to the impoverished district.
"Were those people also bound by fiction?" I asked. They knew they were suffering, yet they returned to the place they lived.
"They too were probably bound by fiction," he replied.
"…What is evolution, really?" I murmured quietly.
After all, there's probably no meaning to it, just reasons.