The New Nursery: 3

Phoenix's P.O.V.:

Phoenix was at a loss for words and felt a myriad of conflicting emotions as he was very touched but the little dragon's words, but his heart also ached as he watched as tears pooled in Solaris' big periwinkle eyes making the gold flecks look like dancing stars as the tears magnified them. Like I said I am just being silly." Solaris could not help but blush and look away.

-Solaris - "I am just very happy you see. Like I said I am just being silly." Solaris could not help but blush and look away." (*^_^*)

 Phoenix was stunned by Solaris' words and his actions. 'Oh, My Galaxies, Solaris is shy, and he is blushing what in the heavens? I never once thought that one Solaris was a dragon not a phoenix dragon, sentient yes but a phoenix dragon no way. I never considered that one day I would get to see him blush or act shy. He is too freaking cute and adorable! That is, it, no matter what this little guy must never leave me!'

*A/N Me too Nix, me too! Solaris really is too adorable! =^_^= <3 I wonder if can have a phoenix dragon as pet in my next life. On second thought, to go through anything close what Phoenix has and will experience then am good with regular fur baby! :o3 >

He asked Solaris about the orb but unfortunately, Solaris told him that he could not answer that question just yet, leaving Phoenix a bit agitated. 

Solaris got out of his master's arms sensing that he was upset that yet again he could not answer one of his master's questions. It kills Solaris not to just explain everything to his master when he asks his questions, but he cannot no matter how much he wants. He has a direct order to not tell his Master Phoenix certain things until the right time. The timing is vital to his overall mission, and he hopes that in due time Phoenix will no longer be annoyed with him and even be happy that he did not tell him when he asked. This is for his master's own good, though Phoenix may not know it, yet his wellbeing is vital and without his Master Phoenix's help, his creators... Well Solaris did not want to think of the ramifications at all. 

Solaris flew to the white glowing orb and circled around the it as he began to explain what he could to his dear master.

-Solaris- " Well you see dear master this here is..." 

Solaris abruptly stopped talking when he realized what he was almost about to say. He could not tell him about it yet. He was dreading telling his master this, but he had too or else it would make things a lot worse. So, with a heavy sigh, he made himself look as pitiful and adorable as he could before landing at Phoenix's feet. He looked up into his master's eyes, his own as wide and large as he could while they filled with unshed tears. He knew his master has a secret love for all things cute and adorable so he hoped this would soften the plow he was about to give his dear master.

-Solaris - "You see dear master; I want to tell you so bad, but I cannot. Please, do not be upset with Solaris master. It truly is not my fault, if I could, I would honestly tell you everything right now, but, but... (he sniffled for dramatic effect), Master please don't be angry with me!" He cried as he begged.

Phoenix's annoyance vanished in an instant as he stared down at the little phoenix dragon begging for amnesty. 'Damn it all to the underworld, I knew I would be in trouble if he learned that that face, eyes and tone would break me...When did this little devil learn to be so smooth in manipulation? I am royally fucked, aren't I?'

Resigned to his fate Phoenix just scoffed, crossed his arms and told Solaris to get off the floor and to just tell him what he could. If he let on how much he affected him then Solaris could be lead him by the nose! That must not, nor absolutely cannot happen!

'Nix don't you dare fold... don't do it, don't do it, stand firm don't give into those eyes, they are maybe pitiful and adorable, but you must remain strong and steadfast!' Phoenix had to keep chanting to himself to remain strong and not sweep Solaris up and cuddle him against his chest until all those blasted tears dried up from his eyes. 

Solaris, who had been keenly watching his master the entire time, could only speculate as to the thoughts of his master as Phoenix had not permitted him to know his private thoughts. Solaris is powerful enough he could easily tap into Phoenix's private thoughts without the other ever being aware of it, but he would never do that. Trust is a precious thing and once it is earned it should be eternally cherished not utterly broken. He was a good boy, so he just sat there and waited for his Master Phoenix to respond.

Phoenix who was still lost in trying to hold himself back from scooping up the little cutie and cuddling and spoiling him to his hearts content lost track of his inner monologue and before he realized what he was doing he had already let his inner thoughts slip through his lips.

"Maybe it is a good thing I have nor ever will have any children of my own..." Phoenix stopped immediately once he realized he had said that out loud. He was struck by the amount of devastation he saw in Solaris' eyes. 'What the hell... why is he so upset?'

Phoenix was at a loss for words, and it took him a moment to react but not before Solaris burst into tears.

Those harsh words were barely a whisper, but Solaris heard them as if Phoenix had screamed them right in his face. The poor little guy could not hide the devastation he was feeling any more than he could stop the big fat tears that were steadily falling down his cheeks from pouring from his eyes no matter how hard he tried to fight them. 'Did his Master Phoenix really not want any children, like at all, not even in the future!?! Does this mean Ma... Master Phoenix does not even want him? No, that absolutely cannot be the case! He is determined to change his Master's mind if it is the last thing he ever does!' With this thought in mind, he was able to slow the tears down but could not stop them completely.

'Oh. My. Fucking. Galaxes! What the actual fuck did I just say out loud? How could I be so stupid! Solaris is just a baby, and he probably sees me as his parent figure! I just basically told a toddler that they were never wanted! I am so fucking stupid! Gods Damn It! What if I can't fix this? I will never forgive myself for this, even if Solaris forgives me'

Phoenix who looked calm and collected on the outside was having a major internal anxiety and panic attack. His chest was so tight he could not breathe. If that weren't enough, he felt his heart might give out at any moment as it hammered against his chest so hard he thought it was trying to escape and run to Solaris in hopes undoing the pain he had just caused him.

Though Phoenix was internally panicking he kept his face schooled but he could not the tumultuous emotions swirling in his eyes as he scooped Solaris up in his arms cradling him tightly to his chest. He was not sure who was more devastated Solaris or himself. Honestly, the only thing that mattered to him right now was to comfort and soothe Solaris and then he would beg his forgiveness and do anything he can to reassure him that he was indeed very much wanted by him and that he does truly love him.

Solaris had been crying so hard his little body was wracked with violent shakes, resulting in Phoenix feeling even more like shit then he did previously. 

'Fuck! I really hate myself and my stupid mouth right now!'

 "Solaris, sweetie I need you to take a deep breath and hold it for the count of 10, alright? Take a deep breath for me and release it when I say so. Can you do that for me?" Solaris could only weakly nod his head in agreement. "Ok Sweetie, take a deep breath... 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... 8... 9... and 10..., now slowly release your breath. There is that better?"

Solaris just nodded again in response. He was not sure he was cable of speech at the moment, but he knows he should probably explain himself to his master after all he understands why Phoenix does not see him as his baby, but it still hurts.

Before Solaris could say anything, Phoenix beat him to it. "Solaris, can you please look at me?" He waited until Solaris was looking him in the eye before he continued speaking. "Listen to me, I need you to understand that, that statement was in no way about you! I am aware that I am eternally fucked up and I was just thinking about that and all the ways I fall short. I do not deserve to have children..."

Phoenix was choked up and struggled to continue "I am not worthy of being you mama but if you will have me, I would be honored to be your de facto parent or in this case you de facto mama. Solaris I am sincere when I say I truly love you and that is not something I use to think I could ever say but I can, and I do. Is... is...is that... is that something you want?" Phoenix waited for Solaris' answer as if soul itself was at stake if he said no.

Solaris never thought those words would come out of his mouth. He took a deep breath and then shakily answered his Master Phoenix. "No, that is not what I want at all."

Phoenix could not hold back the flood of tears that rushed to his eyes. His heart had never hurt this bad before. Looking away trying to hide his tears that were now falling Phoenix shakily answered, "I understand."

He felt like he was about to vomit but what did he expect after hurting Solaris this badly? Honestly, he knew he did not deserve Solaris' forgiveness, but he would do everything he could to earn it!

Solaris never thought those words would come out of his mouth. Is that what he wants, for Master Phoenix to be his de facto parent or de facto mama? He had a lump form in his throat, and he felt like he would be sick any moment. He knew in his heart is answer without a doubt. He took a deep breath and then shakily answered his Master Phoenix. "No, that is not what I want at all."