Chapter 9: Unlovable

The village folk have been getting more and more excited after the news came that our Emperor managed to escape the claws of the Jin from Bianjing (Kaifeng).

He isn't the only one. 

I listen keeping my lotus position as Pei Ling approaches me.

She managed to escape as well. I actually wonder how. But knowing that she escaped and she doesn't seem to talk about her mother much. I have a feeling that her escape story isn't as clear cut as she might make it.

She plops down beside me with ShuangLin in her arms.

She shakes me lightly.

"A-Shen. See ShuangLin can you say diē die" (díeh not dye 💀)

"Where is Daiyu?" I ask.

"How long will you be meditating?" She asks.

"I asked where Daiyu is." I respond again. I try to restrain my temper and finally open my eyes.

She has a frown on her face.

I could tell from the beginning that this was going to be the start of a sad period.

"She is so dark and a twin at that! She is a bad omen!" She complains.

"She came out first, that reasoning is off." I argue.

"I will not take care of such a peasant-looking, demonic child."

"But what about Wenrou? She is way darker than her. What about me? She has my skin tone." I challenge.

"So? You came from two parents with the whitest skin in town and if you didn't work you too would be pale. She naturally came out dark. And there is no reason to even bother about Wenrou seeing how black her family is."

"She is only a child. She shouldn't have to deal with this. Wait you met her family?"

"If I have would that change anything? Why can't you just let me have something for a change, you're so selfish!"

She looks upset that I do not share her opinions about her least favored child.

I take ShuangLin into my arms and walk back into the house to find Daiyu.

_________

"Has anyone seen Daiyu?" I ask. 

Hua Li looks up from her pot and Wenrou shakes her head.

"There is crying, but I thought that was normal." Hua Li says.

She walks to a room and inside is my mother holding a wailing baby who was unable to be quelled.

"She is really hungry." My mother says passing her to Hua Li whose face lights up when handed the baby.

I pass ShuangLin to her grandmother and look at my other baby's face.

She was screaming so much that her tan skin turned red.

I tenderly massage her soft skin and run to the yard.

"Get over here! NOW!" I yell at her scaring her while she is looking at the flowers.

"What?"

I probably shouldn't have yelled, but I don't think I should wait.

I drag her to the room.

"Feed her." I say pointing to Daiyu.

"But." She says looking at me.

"Feed her. All you have to ever do is feed her as much as she needs and I will do the rest."

There is nothing I can do to get her to love Daiyu. So I will give Daiyu all of my love.

The next week of Daiyu's life goes off without a hitch as I spend more and more time focusing on how to raise my child while I work.

I put a hat on her head as I take her to the fields with me and Hua Li and we take turns watching and playing with her. Hua Li seemed the most happy help.

Wenrou would try to help but would then be whisked away by Pei Ling to do some sort of task for her or care for ShuangLin in some way.

"Why don't you play with ShuangLin?" Pei Ling suggests.

"Sure when Daiyu goes to sleep." I say looking at the baby. She's in the throws of finding out what her hands taste like.

She tilts her head at her mother. She doesn't seem to yell or cry much anymore either so this much silence is something one of great relief.

But seemingly Daiyu doesn't even know how to feel about her mother.

"Just let Hua Li take care of it."

"Hua Li is busy."

"Just take it and come see your daughter."

She walks me to the room where ShuangLin is surrounded with gifts and wearing a stunning dress.

Talking about pretentious.

"What a chi-chi outfit."

"It's not weird."

Compared to Daiyu's rough outfit that Wenrou sewn up for her, ShuangLin's was not for playing around in.

"Why is she wearing that? Isn't that a bit much? Babies grow quite fast."

"Why should I not let her. She is going to become the most revered palace woman."

I look at Daiyu in my arms with a sardonic look and then back at Pei Ling.

"Sure, and you just made this decision yourself?" I ask slightly amusing myself with whatever foolishness she might spout next.

"I will have her become the wife of Crown Prince Yuanyi and she will live a life of luxury and honor as his Empress. With skin as white as pearl he would see that she is the most spectacular of women. Then the Gao clan will rise again over the others."

"Lovely speech, but as her father I want her to know humility. Because she isn't getting anywhere as an empress if she isn't pure minded, clean of heart and kind. And I hope you don't want our daughter to be a consort, because that is probably all she will become as he is probably already promised to someone."

"She has a chance." Pei Ling says.

I look over my shoulder and click my tongue.

"No heart!"

I rest Daiyu beside me and begin to take off the heavy articles of clothing.

It has been a bit too silent.

When I look to my side I see that ShuangLin is gone.

"Ling!" I call out. "Where is Daiyu!"

I grab ShuangLin and rush out the room.

Pei Ling sits at the dinning table eating something that Wenrou is making.

"Where is Daiyu?"

"I handed her to Lady Li." She says seethingly. "Wenrou, make more of this."

Wenrou sadly walks over and starts to cook again.

I put ShuangLin down and rush outside.

Please be with Hua Li, please be with Hua Li...

Hua Li is still out. Hua Li is still shopping.

I run down for a while until I make it to the yellow river.

I can see Daiyu's blanket discarded by the water. But Daiyu was nowhere to be found.

Inside I felt my chest tighten as if I had lost the ability to breathe and my heart pounding in my chest. 

Daiyu my sweet baby. No animal would be able to resist a defenseless baby.

I take the blanket and gather what is left of my baby.

When I return Hua Li runs up to me and asks where Daiyu is.

"Oh." She looks down at the muddy blanket.

She holds onto my hands and brings the blanket to her face.

"Ling did this?" She cracks a smile.

"She said she gave her to you." I tell her.

She walks up to Pei Ling who was conversating with Wenrou.

I follow her movements curious of what her next move would be.

*Slap*

"Why did you do that!" Pei Ling screams from the floor.

"How could you do such a thing." Hua Li scolds.

Wenrou looks agape at the situation before picking up ShuangLin who was crying now.

"Who are you to hit me!" Pei Ling scoffs. "You have no status to hit me. I am the wife!"

With that Hua Li bends down to her level.

Wenrou leaves the area immediately, sparking my curiousity further.

This isn't exactly what I was planning for my life.

"I am older, that counts for something. And as your elder sister and the type of house we live, if you ever bring your status up around me. I will see to it that you will personally—"

"So? It's cursed! It stole ShuangLin's father away! How could you even love such an ugly thing?"

As I walk closer to the argument my mother screams.

I run outside and there in the mouth of a tiger is my baby.

The vermillion tiger saunters inside the courtyard and steps over the body of my passed out mother. The tiger then lies down in front of me.

"What the absolute hell." I turn around and see Hua Li looking on fearfully and Pei Ling confused. "Stay over there." I tell them.

The tiger then kneels down and rests my baby in its arms.

I edge in close. Finally I begin to try and take Daiyu out of its arms.

When I finally have Daiyu in my arms I back up slowly and move to the door.

The tiger's golden eyes widen and green light emits from its eyes.

It walks back out and as it does several small birds land on Daiyu's head.

"Daiyu. You are alright?"

I finger through the shoulder length waves of hair on her head and hold her tightly scaring off the birds.

"Daiyu!" Hua Li cheers coming up to hug her.

But I knew that Pei Ling would need to have a talking to.