How to Train your D*ck
Maxie Langford isn’t your typical heroine—she’s thirty-two, emotionally allergic to monogamy, and currently ghosted by a guy who once moaned his own name during sex. After one tequila-soaked night of frustration, Maxie stumbles upon a dusty old self-help book titled The 100 Steps to Sexual Enlightenment—allegedly written by a bisexual monk with a foot fetish and poor impulse control.
Naturally, she decides to follow it. All of it.
What follows is a ridiculously hot, hysterically chaotic journey through sensual soul-searching and sexual misadventure. From attempting seductive eye contact at yoga class, to accidentally joining a nudist drum circle, to discovering her vibrator may be haunted—Maxie’s pursuit of “sexual enlightenment” takes her through 100 steps of absurdity, awkwardness, and explosive orgasms (some emotional, some battery-powered).
But this isn’t just about pleasure—it’s about power, confidence, and finally learning how to train her dck*… whether it’s attached to someone else or hidden in the drawer next to her tax returns.
Featuring a cast of deliciously inappropriate sidekicks—including a sexologist with a kink for TED Talks, a dominatrix barista, and a talking dildo named Harold—this is the most erotically unhinged and laugh-out-loud memoir you’ll ever read.
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Warning: May cause spontaneous blushing, uncontrollable giggling, and sudden urges to buy a velvet whip.