Best Irish Joke Stories: Share Some Hilarious Ones

Answer 1

Here's one. Paddy and Murphy are working on a building site. Paddy says, 'I'm going to the doctor. I'm not feeling well.' Murphy asks, 'What's wrong?' Paddy says, 'Every time I stand up quickly, I get a dizzy spell and see spots in front of my eyes.' Murphy says, 'Well, you'd better hurry up then or they'll be all painted over.'

Answer 2

One more. An Irishman is walking along the beach and finds a magic lamp. He rubs it and a genie pops out. The genie says, 'I'll give you one wish.' The Irishman thinks for a moment and says, 'I want a wall around Ireland so that no one can get in or out.' The genie is a bit taken aback but says, 'Your wish is my command.' The next day, the Irishman is walking along the new wall when he hears a crying on the other side. He looks over and sees a man sobbing. He says, 'What's wrong?' The man says, 'I'm an Englishman and I'm stuck here because of this wall.' The Irishman says, 'Well, don't worry. I'll ask the genie to put you on the other side.' So he rubs the lamp and the genie appears. The Irishman says, 'Genie, this Englishman is stuck here. Can you put him on the other side?' The genie says, 'Do you want me to take down the wall?' The Irishman says, 'No, just put him on the other side.' So the genie picks up the Englishman and throws him over the wall.

Answer 3

Another Irish joke. An Irishman goes into a pub in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the corner, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender says, 'You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it, and it would taste better if you bought one at a time.' The Irishman replies, 'Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other is in Australia, and I'm in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.' The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: He orders three pints and drinks them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, 'I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss.' The Irishman looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns and he laughs. 'Oh, no, ' he says, 'Everyone's fine. I've just joined the Baptist Church and I had to give up drinking. But it hasn't affected my brothers though!'