webnovel
GoblinSlayer
GoblinSlayerLv55yr
2019-02-03 19:28

In a fantasy land far away.. Appears a group of shackled slaves and injured mercenaries were surrounded by bandits.. But suddenly.. *glorious heavenly music plays as clouds split apart and shines a dazzling light as MC slowly descends from the heavens* "STOP!" shouted MC-Sama.. *thud thud thud thud sound effects as bandits drop dead one by one* "It is I, Ben!" the heavenly one spoke as he waves his hands as shackles of slavery were broken, color returned to the faces of impoverished slaves, as wounds were healed to the battered and injured mercenaries.. "Be-be-Ben-Sama!" screams of shock were heard from the slaves and mercenaries. "Follow me and receive salvation" said the heavenly one. The slaves nodded while the mercenaries shyly hide their boners from the delight of being healed instantaneously. Ben-Sama hovered in the air and guided the lost sheeps towards their new home. As they approach a dangerous forest.. "Be-be-Ben-Sama! These forests are dangerous!" said by the shaking slave no.01. Ben smirked, raised his hand and then all of a sudden, the forest was split apart revealing a clear path towards salvation! "Hmph!" Ben-Sama hovered towards the Holy City, the home of the free, the City of the Blessed as the slaves and mercenaries followed the hovering Ben towards the center of the city. "From now on, you are my people" said Ben. Cheers and sobs of joy were heard from the crowd.. As well as grumbling stomachs.. Ben smiled, waved his hand ang BAM! Automatic farm and ranch appeared! Shock and awe were seen on the slaves faces. Ben waved his hand once again ang BAM! BAM! BAM! Automatic mining, automatic power plant, automatic water system, automatic trash system and furnished houses appeared! "Ben-Sama.. Food.." said slave no.02 Ben-Sama kept waving his hands as mighty stone walls appeared! A gym! A reasearch facility! Public bath house! Automatic Blacksmith! "Ben-Sama.. P-p-please.. Make us work for food" said slave no.02 as he/she collapsed from hunger. Ben-Sama was shocked internally from the scene, then he waves his hand and then, BAM! Automatic Restaurant! "My work here is done." said the glorious Ben-Sama as he ascends towards the heavens to the next town to sell stuff leaving the shocked slaves with nothing to do.. To be continued..

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Replies1
Walking_The_Path
Walking_The_PathLv1

It's just beautiful what you wrote it made me laugh many times it was glorious

Other Reviews
Erlking
ErlkingLv10

Just_a_person
Just_a_personLv5

So, overall the story is good, but there are some complaints I have. First, this is minor, but please title the chapters, even if it’s something ******, cuz it’s annoying to see unnamed chapters, not knowing what it contains. _ Second, spirit food. I have no problem with spirit food at all, but selling it like normal grocery would produce many problems. For example: Spirit food isn’t a natural thing in the world, according to the system. So, many people would be suspicious about this, maybe even some old monsters would be interested Supply and demand. If the amount of supply increases, then the demand decreases, meaning less money. You gotta keep a balance, so u can get the most benefits. However, this is not the only problem. Merchants and other businesses that includes selling spiritual plants and stuff like that will most likely get less profit due to him selling spiritual food and attracting their customers. This will cause enmity between him and powerful people, as people that could sell those are probably powerful. _ Third, monetary circulation. Many people miss this in their novels if they include monetary exchange in systems. He is taking out money from the world and giving/buying things from the system. This may lead to a disaster in the economy if this continues. Money usually doesn’t disappear from the world. Money is circulated through buying and selling generally. The gold coins in the world is probably not unlimited. If he keeps sucking away those coins without giving any back, then it will lead to an imbalance. _ Fourth, the autonomous buildings. These are nice, but can provide problems too. They practically render the humans useless, kind of. Well, he doesn’t need farmers, miners, blacksmiths, researchers, etc. There are few jobs available for the people. One of em is a guard, but there might be something in the system that can guard his kingdom, so thats probably occupied too. These should be a bit limited to prevent freeloading people. _ Well, those are all the major ones I could find, the rest doesn’t really affect the story that much. Well, u don’t have to change ur previous chapters, just do stuff that can fix these in future chapters, if u want. It is your story, so do what u want. I’m enjoying it so far.

Shogun
ShogunLv4
Xaact
XaactLv14

As i read latest chapter i found out that what i read are: 15% status there is almost one in each chapter and it take a lot of lines and word 10% skill level up notice. Mc gain skill level fast 10% skill description 45% building description 15% item description 5% connecting words aka bull**** Give me a story I do not care about stats word padding who ever read stats anyway? One every 10-20 chapter is good to know character growth once every chapter is not good heck there are some chapter that have 2nd stats spam. I dont really care about 10001 kind of production building it’s meaningless at your story mc can build stuff so easy that it really does not matter what kind of resources or tech tree or research required to build em, author need make them meaningful. This story have an interesting concept but bad implementation, mc have no purpose no soul mc is not human at all there’s no meaningful human interaction, what kind of kingdom building story that have zero human relation? everything is automated might as well build a robot kingdom, everything is so easy might as well have everything unlocked from start and be done with it. Everything is essentially free since mc produce stuff from void (and automatically with zero effort) Mc cultivation system feels to be forced, even random stranger, beast or small fry encounter is bland. It is not engaging enough. MC base is essentially a public relief center aka bum base, only at later chapter they’re working to dig a trench. And finally there is no story. I build a house is not a story, but i build a house for my young mistress without my wife noticing is a story. Stable boy marries is not a story, but stable boy marries village flowers againts all odds is a story. I fell in love is not a story, but i fell in love with my younger sister is a story. What your chapter so far essentially is “i build stuff” no twists no turn no ordeal no intrigue! Nothing nada nil. You can still salvage this story, My advices is to read more books there’s some good kingdom building out there. For example there’s safehold series by david weber or if you want lighter reading there is daniel bLack by e. William brown even stuff like destroyerman or silvership or troy rising, if eastern fantasy is more of your cups then release that witch its premium already on qd heck even bringing the farm in other worlds or all hail the king or world of warcraft domination is a good read to find your basic. Kingdom building is one of the hardest genre to write, you need soo many elements and each interacting witheach other. Tl;dr its like playing starcraft with ai turned off using “operation Cwal” , “ there is no spoon” and “power overwhelming” Add “showme the money” times 100.

Ayman97
Ayman97Lv4
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