webnovel
Wakanda42
Wakanda42Lv46yr
2018-11-05 12:25

So I actually really like how you built up this story plot wise. Compared to a lot of fanfics this one is one of the better ones. Now first it’s being limited by the quality of writing. Although it’s not bad enough to stop it from standing out from other fanfics it does hinder this story from being great. Second your doing the same stuff that people hated from the original story where your time skipping almost everything that happens in aincrad but I guess this may be because your not trying to do a full 300+ chapter but still this is hindering your story. Third your character depth and development is incredibly shallow and of this wasn’t a fanfic this would be incredibly hard to read. Finally this is more of a tip than a flaw but I would like to see you add your own story in this fanfic and not make a carbon copy of the Original work. SAO especially the aincrad ark has so many gaps that you can fill without messing up the story. This fanfic lacks imagination which I believe is one of the most important qualities and author should have (even the system is kind of bland). Also although it doesn’t retract from the story the stats and leveling makes no sense whatsoever and I recommend cleaning that up a little bit. You also took away all the sword skills that normal sao players get and never explained why (horizontal, horizontal arc, horizontal square, etc) now that I think of it the MC also doesn’t have any actual sword skills whatsoever. Anyway like I said earlier this fanfic has potential and if you fix it up a little bit I could see it becoming one of the best OC fanfics (anime wise).

Op System

Kid_Speech
4.3
91 Chs

被23人贊過

贊
回復2
Kid_Speech
Kid_Speech作者

Thanks for the review im really bad at writting it can't be helped ahaha

5yr
3
Monarch_Lord
Monarch_LordLv3

.........

3yr
Other Reviews
Kid_Speech
Kid_Speech作者

No one is reviewing so i shamelessly review myself Xd my writing quality i know its really bad so many wrong grammar or wrong spelling thats all thank you for the one who read this novel~~~~

6yr

AldiXanana
AldiXananaLv6

an interesting novel the story so far is good, the mc reincarnate to the sao world with an op system and have a beautifull maid and a potential harem member too, hope the author will release more chapter in the future and improve his writing style (*⌒▽⌒*)(*ゝω・*)ノ(*ゝω・*)ノ

6yr
Siegfrized
SiegfrizedLv6

5 star for nice story u have there,, just dont drop it or atlas w/o notice , but ofc hope u can finish/cmplte this novel,,

6yr
Hunter_101
Hunter_101Lv13

Was going to read it but after learning the name of the MC "turtle" kinda lost interest in the story and why the FUCK &#^@* words in novel if it has a FUCKING harem tag If your not mature enough don't bother to write a fucking novel

4yr
MastersgtJames
MastersgtJamesLv10

Just skip. Like the first 43 chapters are ALL in SAO. story feels more like a failed Slice-of-life attempt. The System is basically non-existent for what it does. like, as of chapter 43, there were the same number of skills and stuff as chapter 5. The System is one of those where EVERY mission/quest has a death penalty for failure. As well as impossible/stupid randomly assigned quests. That have barely any progress, then in just like 2-3 chapters they are somehow completed. Story is called OP System. MC does not really feel OP. Just above average and worshipped for it.

5yr
Xining
XiningLv13

Great Story but the plot has not much depth much of the storyline is covered VERY lightly. Would be a bit nicer if you include more fillers that could make us have a reaction to the story like the fillers in Sword Art Online.

5yr
pandabanana
pandabananaLv5

First-chapter-drop, like why the FUCK is a USELESS maid girl in the harem, and why the FUCK is there a harem at all, like the inconsistencies are gay as ****, like is the mc that much of a horny bastard? After all sao still takes place on planet EARTH not a gay wuxia novel.

5yr
Mr_GentalStrangler
Mr_GentalStranglerLv12

Every morning I wake up with a smile anticipating the new chapter. I pray to the gods and hope that it has been released. Only to be disappointed every time. Yet, I do not give up I repeat this proccess every day. And so will you. Just like the one after you. This is an amazing work of art, if not for the fatal flaw of the 'non updating' dieseas this would have made the world burn. But saddly it has stopped for around a month now don't know if it will update since the only thing auther sama messaged people was " not drop" and that is not a time saddly.

5yr
dying_immortal
dying_immortalLv2

hey you evil author ..how dare you leave this fanfic in between!!! i curse you with truck-kun without isekai..... Muahahahahahhaha.....!!!...

2yr
Related Stories

Path of the Goblin King (On Break)

Long ago Monsters of all shapes and sizes ruled the world causing early humans, dwarves and elves to live in only small communities hidden from the world ruled by monsters and beings of darkness alike. But with the creation of those three races gave birth to the gods that they worshipped and seeing the plight of their believers, they gave them the power they needed to fight back against the never ending hordes of monsters around the world. As time passed more and more monster races either died off completely or hid within the Monster Mountain Range, but the three races would have to deal with constant monster stampedes coming from the Monster Lands when their numbers got to high. This went on for centuries, until the humans, who took the brunt of the stampedes had enough and had the one only known as The Great Sage and his 10 disciples to cast a magic that effected the entirety of the monster lands, a curse placed upon all of monster kind. Monsters would have reduced birth rates, all children would be 9 times out of 10 females, and many other curses that varied from monster to monsters, but the weaker monsters had it the worst of all. The Goblins were most effected of all, Male Goblins could no longer get human females pregnant anymore to be used as BroodMothers, and 99 out of 100 pregnancies between goblins gave birth to female goblins, and to make it even worse still the males would always die to impregnate another goblin, effectively bringing the entirety of the goblin race to extinction. Worse still goblin women for the most part we’re great sex slaves for humans as their looks were attractive enough for it, but just barely for human standards it seems. But the god of monsters won’t let his children to go extinct that easily, The last male goblin was born, Blessed by the God of monsters, this marked the beginning of the Greatest Goblin King! ***** cover art made by artist Rapscallion ***** Forewarning later down the line their will be Futa’s added into the mix to give you guys a heads up

OneMoreScore · 其他
4.8
91 Chs

Awoke As A God After Auto Battling For 1000000 Years

When the rifts between worlds opened, countless monsters flooded through, engulfing human cities and plunging the world into chaos. Faced with this apocalyptic crisis, humanity was forced into a new era where every individual had to choose a profession. Nations now compete to cultivate elite practitioners, striving for supremacy in the rankings of alternate world conquests. But as the world teeters on the brink, the first and greatest champion awakens after a million years of slumber—armed with untold buff amassed from his millennia of AFK grinding. The bosses of the otherworld tremble in fear. Global T0-ranked powerhouses bow down, offering their loyalty... [Disclaimer: Here countries fight against each other and this is adapted into a Manhua.] ﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌ Raw: 网游：挂机百万年，我醒来成神 Author: 亦晨 ﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌ Support the translation and help me— patreon.com/AmbitiousTranslator

AmbitiousTransltor · 其他
分數不夠
70 Chs
Login