RaiyAkumu

No?

Really good read, there is only one area of concern for me, but that is personal preference and doesn’t affect the quality of the story. I wish the author luck and good fortune on their journey of writing.

I appreciate you reading up to this point, do you have any questions or anything you would suggest I fix?

Yeah, a dream that is her reality.

Yeah, is it confusing? If it gets too hard to follow just say :)

I know, the author is very strange :) lol

Thank You :)

Just going to say this right now, this person left an honest review, and I feel like that is all that matters, not whether or not it was positive or not, sure 99% of the other people who posted reviews loved the story but there is still that 1% who just don't. If you are going to insult someone for being downright honest then you have gone too far. I haven't read the story yet so I am saying this with no bias on whether or not the story is good or not, but what really makes me mad is not when someone insults mine or someone else's work, but when someone gets insulted for being honest. I am positive I will get hate from this comment but I am just being honest and trying to stand up for someone who was being honest.

Thank you for the feedback, I would normally ignore the "write more formally" part because I feel that since the Main character is 12 it doesn't need formality but since that same statement keeps appearing in various comments I will try to incorporate that in later chapters. Character details are intertwined throughout the story, I felt like it is more natural to introduce the appearance of the Main Character in a slow and balanced way than all in one go, I hope I can keep the reader's attention long enough. I am thankful you didn't start hammering me for run-on sentences. I might end up making this into an entire novel if enough people enjoy it, but if I do that I would write a new one from the beginning. Thank you for the review.

I am glad you enjoyed chapter one. If you have any suggestions on what I might need to fix or add, please let me know, I am always willing to accept criticism. I hope you continue to read my story, I am trying to give it a unique articulation of details, and really bring out the first-person perspective. Thanks for the review.