cluelessauthor

man that was one hell of a cliffhanger 😮‍💨

I don't need you, you forgot the word need in this paragraph

the second behind him is redundant, if he look behind himself the scenery he sees could only be within his line of sight. loving the story, just a small thing here

Building, not Nuilding.

loved this little twist, I totally didn't see that coming at all. the arc overall took a good amount of leeway, but it all fit well within the confines of the story

These small filler bits make this story so good; add them in whenever you feel they're needed. :)

as a dispute between purebloods could this not be elevated into a blood fued between families?

this is great. a bit cheesy because it feels so out of place when the entire story was taken into context, but if you keep this level of detail it'd be great. or you should be more selective when you dive into the vivid details, the stop and go flow of this gets very jarring and annoying

it's so funny to me. you have bits of gold that has been weaved together beautifully and then just blocks of brick randomly placed. it reminds of the image of a horse that starts as a life like rendition and then the opposite side is a child's drawing. if you can work on smoothing out interactions between characters and individual actions it'd be so much better. your strengths definely lie in you general descriptions even if they are a bit too flowery for what the reader expects.