Ruben_Lopez_1453

I lost a lot of time on this. The author should have added the INCEL tag, the mc is a pathetic little s***t. ****************************************************************************************************************************************************

Good story, the development of the MC is a little on the cracky side, but is a good story nonetheless, I mean I'd be lying if I were to said that I didn't like the story, I did like it, however, I find the lack of periods and commas... Disturbing to say the least. I can proofread for you if you like.

+1

Hey, FictionOnlyReader I just saw your response, thanks for taking time for your readers. Also, keep up the good work, about point five, here are some examples of reluctant characters, Neo from the Matrix, Sarah Connor from Terminator 1, Frodo Baggins from The Lord of the rings, Katniss Everdeen from Hunger Games, Han Solo from A New Hope, etc, those are great reluctant characters, the trope is difficult to pull off, mostly because it must have a slow boil to really pay off. About point 6 maybe a close friend that years later evolves into a romance, you write good fluff, and above all, it's your story, this is only the take of one of your readers, so do your thing man.

So what? fantasy especially fanfiction is meant to be unrealistic and fun, you seemed really touchy about women's feelings and stuff, perhaps you should seek professional advice, instead of being a party popper. :)

I write this having reached chapter 55, I have mostly liked the story thus I'll try to offer my honest review, hopefully, some of the constructive criticism will be seen as what it is. 1.Your writing skills, structure, and pacing are great and clearly superior to most fanfic writers. Keep that way. 2.The world-building is solid enough for an AU. No change needed there. 3.Some comic gags have a weak punchline but most reach their objective. No change needed there. 4.The Story development although good enough miss the point of what fanfiction should be, the interactions between the main characters and your original character almost don't exist, or at least in any meaningful way. 5.Sometimes the OC plays the part of a reluctant character, a modern trope that many find redundant. Fortunately, this doesn't happen that often and it's mostly at the beginning of the story. 6.A romantic interest is needed to give your OC something besides his love for magic and Machiavellian plans, cause, to be honest, it gets kinda boring, like modern children's cartoons boring seeing a guy plan and scheme so much.

Extremely preachy, if this trends continue I might drop it, this chapter will affect my review, is childish naive and stupid.

Good writing, with an average understanding of the canon, too little interactions with characters from Rowling, and way too much interaction with OC, it's well written but not my thing, from one side you had the horrors of the death eaters and from the other, the naivety of a child story, the idealistic points of view and hero complex of the MC are a bit over the top for my liking but that's only my point of view I stick around until chapter 67 and couldn't go further. I gave you 5 in writing quality even when taking into account some misspells because you deserve it, but 2 in story development and character design, as I said too much contrast between a gritty reality of the horrors of the death eaters and the "fluff" you presented, anyway keep going in your projects, although it wasn't for me, I see why many people liked it. I wish you success in your future endeavors.

I have liked it so far, although there are some incongruencies about how the magic of the Potterverse works it is not really a problem. I'll be waiting for more chaps.

The characters from Konosuba are written to a tee, the chapters have good structure, and although there are a ton of typos is perfectly readable, etc etc, ad nauseam. However, the story development is a joke, MC is a eunuch just like any other generic Japanese MC, even Kazuma had his moments with the girls, writing a story about a harem party without any interaction is the recipe for a blue-balls story I read about 33 chapters and now I'm done with it, honestly is a shame I really like the premise and the comedy.