Seventeen

Toya

I wake up in the middle of the night gasping for air.

I run out of bed and Astrid is giggling at the dinner table.

I close my eyes and bite my lip so hard it bleeds.

I open them and they're still here.

Rei is throwing up again.

I swing as I turn and walk into the bathroom, "You okay?"

"Are you?" She asks flushing the toilet. She closes the seat and rests her head on it, "I haven't slept in weeks, every time I close my eyes for even just a second I am just looped in a different version of a nightmare where I lose my kids. Each one worse then the last. Kai won't let me see Kaiya either, and that's just making me more anxious."

I sit beside her and she throws up on my shoes, "Any reason you're throwing up so bad?"

"I'm a healer, my body treats stress like it's as physical as blood, the more stressed I get the more sick I get. Happened once when my father died."

I sigh, "Rei you're pregnant."

She throws up on me, and I know it's on purpose this time, "I'm stressed."

"No, I know what I did. I also have your period app on my phone, I can access it with your email, so I am fully aware of your fertile days. You're pregnant."

"Really Toya, just when I thought you couldn't disgust me any further, what a fucking pig you can be." She stands up, and I guess she's no longer stressed. She leaves me to clean up the bathroom.

Way to screw up Toya should be my middle name.

I just didn't want her walking out with the kids, now I think I'm turning into Kai. An overly paranoid crazy. I haven't had the nightmares as worst as Rei though, maybe I'm just in denial thinking I can protect my kids.

For once I think Kai has the right idea. The kids will never step foot outside this house ever again.

I walk into the kitchen and Rei is sitting with the kids. I sit beside her and she looks the other way.

"If you want me to say I'm sorry, I'm not. I don't want you walking out on us, I don't want my kids growing up in a broken family."

She scoffs looking me in the eyes, "Broken family? Did you seriously say that you don't want this family to be a broken one?" She stands up and grabs the car keys, "Toya, you are really screwed up in the head, there is no family to break. Just me and you co-parenting three kids."

"Soon to be more?"

"Yeah, I don't think I'm gonna go through with this one." I grab her by the throat and she glares at me, "That's right, show your daughter how she deserves to be treated."

I turn facing the kids and the boys cry.

Astrid is just looking directly at me like I just betrayed her.

I feel Rei's breath brush up on my cheeks, "I will be at Kai's, good luck explaining that to your kids." She leaves the room and my heart shatters when the boys run after their mother.

Astrid is still frozen in her chair. Eyes wide, the shock is evidently visible.

"Princess, I swear I wasn't going to hurt your mother. Come here." I stretch out my hands and she shakes her head, "Hey, are you scared of me?"

"Mommy said, always runaway when someone is doing something very bad to you. Just like that." She points a finger at me and I sit beside her and she screams.

Rei opens the door, "Astrid! Are you okay?" Rei glares at me and my heart breaks, "What the hell are you doing to my daughter?" she's looking at me like I dared to raise a hand to Astrid, "Come on honey, we're going to see your big sister."

Astrid runs away and jumps into her mothers arms crying, "Mommy, are you okay?"

"Yes honey, let's just leave."

I exhale and I can't believe that I did that. I swear it on my mothers grave I would never hurt my family, but I hurt Rei.

What the hell is going on with me?