Perception Is Belief (Part Six)

Dinner ended and Mister Rasputin went back to campus. Laura had no reason to stick around, and Ruth was her roommate, so they took a shuttle back to the school. That left Hisako, Eddie, and I to knock around Salem Center for a little while longer. We would have gone back as well, but someone was in need of a caffeine bump.

Eddie and I found ourselves standing around inside of the Grind Stone Cafe waiting on Hisako's coffee order, "We just ate," I complained, "Why do you need coffee before we go back?"

Hisako leaned against the counter, fingertips drumming off of it, "It's a latte. And I don't need it, I want it. So shut up, Bel."

"If you didn't train so much, all the sugar you're having them put in that thing would go straight to your ass," Eddie interjected, a stupid grin on his face as he continued to clutch the Field Day trophy in his arms, "I'm sure Bel wouldn't complain about that."

Of course, he had to drag me into it, "Why? Because I'm black?"

At that, Eddie paused and considered his options for replying, "...If I said yes, would that be racist?"

"Yes, because who doesn't like-?"

"-You're both morons," Hisako cut in before I could really get going. She sighed in exasperation, giving us both a half-hearted glare, "You didn't have to come. Neither of you had to come."

Eddie wagged his finger, as though he were chiding her, "No one goes off-campus alone anymore. We roll at least two deep anytime we step foot outside of Xavier's."

I nodded in support and agreement, "That's right. That's a Paladins rule, in case you didn't know."

Hisako scoffed, "Since when?"

"Since ten seconds ago when it came out of Eddie's mouth," I replied, giving Eddie a thumbs-up, "Good idea, Wingman!"

Eddie stood at attention, trying to cut a serious figure, despite the fact that he was desperately clutching onto a trophy half his size, "It's what I'm here for, boss."

No, it wasn't. But we would ignore that just this once, because tonight was a night for relaxation and celebration. To that end, Hisako could drag us to a goddamn coffee shop that Eddie and I didn't want anything from. The evening was young, and we didn't have anything else to do.

Eddie and I wandered over to the counter where Hisako was chatting with Noriko at work. She greeted the two of us with a wave before including us in the conversation, "Hey, have you seen Jay?"

Eddie and I looked at each other strangely before he answered, "Earlier. Like, during Field Day. Why? What's up?"

Noriko huffed in frustration, "He's always been kind of spacey, but he's been really hard to find lately," She said, throwing her hands out, "Like, right after scores were announced he just up and disappeared. He didn't even stick around for the ceremony."

He didn't stick around to see me gloat? Now that was inexcusable, "If we see him, we'll shoot you a text and tell him to get in touch," I assured her, trying to make a joke, "If anyone knows about teammates flaking out, it's me."

Hisako rapped me on the arm, "I thought you weren't mad at Laura about that."

"I'm not," But that incident ended up in my relationship crashing and burning, so if I were a little salty, I hoped it was understandable, "But there's nothing else I can call leaving to meet her psycho half-brother, or whatever Daken is, without saying anything."

"Fair enough," Hisako muttered, taking a moment to say thanks when Noriko passed her finished drink over, "We'll keep an eye out for Jay, okay Nori?"

Noriko smiled gratefully, "That's all I can ask for. Thanks, guys."

We headed out of the cafe with Hisako a latte richer, and new things for me to think about. Something that caught Hisako's attention as we eventually made it back to school and headed for the dorms.

"What's with that look on your face?" She asked in between sips of the latte she'd been nursing since we boarded the shuttle, "Be careful. Think too hard and something in there might overheat," She said, tapping my head.

"Nothing," I said, swatting her hand away, "It's just weird seeing some kind of dysfunction on someone else's team instead of mine for once."

"Other teams have problems too, dude," Eddie said matter-of-factly, "And I wouldn't say we were ever really dysfunctional. We always liked each other well enough."

"I didn't like Bel for months, remember?" Hisako replied quickly.

Eddie quickly amended his statement, "...We always worked together well enough," He said, before yawning and giving the Field Day trophy a loving pat, "Well, I'm gonna head in and find the perfect place to display this baby."

Hisako and I watched him leave, "He's wanted that trophy ever since Field Day has been a thing," She said.

"He's gonna sleep naked with that thing tonight," I commented, "He'd better not fuck the trophy."

Hisako's face twisted in disgust, and she gave me a good shove, "Bel, gross!" Her imagination was clearly vivid enough to weave that picture together, "I don't want to think about that!"

"I wouldn't put it past him!" I argued in return, keeping my balance, "He needs to save that shit for Cess if he wants his dick on something metal."

Hisako did her best to give me a stern look, but I saw her lips twitch, "If she heard that, she'd punch you in the face."

"I would deserve it, and I would argue it was worth it for the reaction," I said in return.

Hisako let out a chuckle and shook her head. By now, she knew what I was about. If I really offended her sensibilities with any of the stupid things I said, she wouldn't have hesitated to let me know about it, "Well, I'm turning in for the evening. Don't piss anyone else off until tomorrow."

"I didn't piss off anyone today."

"You pissed off half the school when we won."

"I don't count people's reactions to our being great," I argued, "They should figure out how to beat us, or they can bask in my glory."

Whether she heard my blusterous remarks or not, she didn't turn back around and dignify me with a response. That was fine. She'd been playing this game with me for almost a year now, and I amused myself well enough with the things that came out of my mouth, even if there were some around me too savvy to react to everything.

My team dismissed from having to deal with me for the night, I took a moment, hanging around outside, to think about how my imsomniac self was going to pass the time. Video games, a workout, getting a jump on some school stuff. I could even find Saberwolf and help him patrol for a bit. I had options.

I saw a shadow fly overhead and land on the roof of the dorms. If something that wasn't supposed to be there was trying to sneak around, Wolf would have been on it already, but with my paranoid self, I had to boost my way up there to see what it was anyway.

"Jay?" I said upon seeing the red-wings and red hair before he could find a way to slip inside the building, "What the hell? Doors and stairs exist, you know."

A smart-ass question received an intelligent, logical out answer, "I live on the top floor. Why walk all the way up when I can just land here and get to my room?"

"That's fair," I admitted begrudgingly, before remembering the request from an hour or so ago, "Your team's been kind of worried about you. Nori came to me of all people. She should know better than to count on me for anything," I grumbled.

Jay, to his credit, seemed properly shamed at putting his friends out, "I know... I know. I'll set things straight with them tomorrow when we meet up," He said with a sigh, "...By the way, I just wanted to say, thanks, Bellamy."

"Don't mention it, Jay," I responded automatically, before realizing I didn't know what he was referring to, "...Especially since I have no idea why. What'd I do?"

Jay chuckled, "Remember before? You told me to talk to someone about how I was questioning things."

Oh yeah. That time with Reverend asshole Stryker on TV. I remembered that conversation being really tense, "Yeah, I do. I take it you reached out like I said to get some things off your chest?"

"It was something I really needed," Jay said, with what sounded like a sigh of relief, "All this stuff was just swirling around; my place at school, who I am as a mutant, God's will..." He trailed off and shook his head, "Just too much."

"I'll bet," It was definitely out of my wheelhouse. Definitely uncomfortable. That was why I pointed him in the direction of the goddamn therapist, "I'm glad Dr. Garrison could help you, Jay."

At that, he seemed a bit skittish for some reason, "I wasn't really talking about him. I went to someone else."

I hadn't been expecting that, but it wasn't a reason to be scared. What I told him the other day had just been a suggestion. That didn't mean he was obligated to follow my words step-by-step, "Oh. Well, as long as they were able to help, that's all that matters," Anyone but me. Take that shit elsewhere. I had my own problems to work through.

He seemed more at ease than the last time we'd spoken, which was good, "Yeah, I just had to hear things from someone else's point of view," Having spoken his piece, he nodded my way and headed inside, "Anyway, just... thanks again. Have a good'un."

Sometimes, that was all it took to leave you feeling content. You didn't have to punch your enemies in the face to get a warm feeling. What a fulfilling day. The Paladins won Field Day, and my half-assed advice actually wound up helping someone out. A much-needed win for Bellamy in 'rebuild mode' after taking a hit from getting dumped.

My mood improved, I went inside to my room to relax for a moment, only to unlock the door and find Laura there. She sat on my bed, watching my TV, shoes off. I wasn't too terribly surprised, as she'd left with Ruth earlier and she never hung around their room very much. I didn't expect to see her anywhere near mine though.

When she saw me come in, she looked at me for a moment, only to acknowledge my presence, as if I were the one intruding on her safe space, "Yeah, sure, make yourself at home," I muttered, kicking my shoes off and emptying my pockets on my desk, "So, did you need to get away, or were you just waiting on me?"

"Only for a moment," Laura said, switching the sound down on the TV, "I just wanted to tell you to be careful around Jay."

Jay? I was taken aback somewhat by Laura's statement, "Okay... but if Icarus of all people tries anything shifty, I'm pretty sure I could take him down," All the guy really had on me was mobility because he could fly, and I trained with Eddie, who was definitely faster and able to move better. If I could hit Eddie, I could hit Jay, "Where's this coming from anyway?"

Laura winced, trying to think of a way to word what she wanted to say. She swung her legs over the side of my bed onto the ground, "He just... he smells of death."

"I didn't smell anything," I quipped. Laura didn't crack a smile, or so much as blink. The girl was dead serious, "I don't know what you mean, but I'll take your word for it. I promise I'll be careful. I don't even hang out with the guy."

"You and I both know that doesn't matter," Laura deadpanned, "You're a magnet for bad situations."

I jumped past Laura and landed on my bed, head on my pillows. She didn't flinch, "Oh, I guess you of all people would know," Definitely a case of the pot calling the kettle black, "At least we dodged one today."

Laura drew her knees up to her chest, "Why doesn't it feel like we did?"

Not a bad question. Indeed, nothing felt complete, "Because nothing happened, I guess," I tried to explain, "We were expecting something bad, so when things work out, it's anticlimactic."

All of that thinking, speculating, precautionary measures, and it was all for nothing. To be fair, that was why precautions were taken, so that things wouldn't go wrong or that they would at least be minimized. Laura had plenty of reasons to feel the way she did though. Things didn't have a history of working out smoothly around Xavier's.

I wasn't going to say that Ruth's vision had been wrong, because we'd acted on it and probably changed the outcome. But Laura had a point. This was all too clean. It didn't feel right; didn't feel resolved.

"If it's not over, we just have to keep an eye out," I said. Laura nodded in quiet agreement, "I'm counting on you. You're the only person on the squad more paranoid than I am."

Laura huffed, as though she'd taken offense, "My paranoia is grounded in past experiences."

"What a coincidence, because my paranoia is grounded in insomnia," I joked in return. Again, no reaction. No smile, no snide remark, "...What else is wrong, Laura?"

Laura's head whipped over to me suddenly, her expression turning more downtrodden, "Is it obvious?"

"Not to everybody," I said, pushing myself up to sit next to her properly, "But I spent the summer with you, so I know when you're being extra moody," I nudged her, trying to get her to open up some.

To my surprise, she actually did find it in her to share, "Homewrecker."

Unfortunately, I couldn't tell what her problem was from that alone, "Say what?"

"That's what I've heard people say about me for the last few days," Laura said, "People don't seem to understand how good my hearing is. Or, maybe they do."

It took a moment for what she said to register, because to my knowledge she hadn't slept with anyone at school, let alone someone in a relationship. But then, my stupid brain realized I was overthinking, and that the answer was right in front of me... or, more specifically that the answer was me, "I'm gonna need some names."

I must have spoken in a tone that let her know that bad things were in the future of whomever she named, so she didn't, "Please, don't get upset."

Fuck that. It was too late for that. The annoying situation in the common area jumped to mind, "Who's saying it? Is it those fuckers from the lounge the other day? Wait, it was Trance, wasn't it?"

"I have heard it from several people behind my back."

"You didn't say she wasn't one," I jumped up from the bed, my mind already turning on how I was going to ruin at least one person's evening, "Oh, man. I was looking for something to do tonight, and I've been waiting on an excuse to wild out since Sunday. I'm gonna-."

"-Anything you do will just make things worse for both of us!" Laura growled.

She was right. Lashing out hastily had never solved any of my personal problems. Worse still, I wouldn't be the only one affected if I mucked things up further. Laura had skin in this game, the same as me, "Fine. But if I actually hear anyone say anything like that about you for myself, all bets are off. You aren't stopping me."

"That will just make everyone think it's true," Laura mumbled, "...That you cheated on Megan with me."

I sat back down with Laura on the bed, a little closer this time to provide friendly support, "Lots of people believe that now, and if they do, it's because they wanted to in the first place," The same went for Megan in my mind, "We didn't do anything. We know that. That's all that matters," Not really. But if I repeated it enough, it would mean something, wouldn't it?

Laura sighed, her hands folded in her lap, "This was one of the reasons I left this school the last time," She looked over at me, her emerald green eyes beseeching me for some kind of answer, "What do you do when your words don't work, the truth doesn't matter, and lashing out isn't allowed?"

"Go to the teachers," I replied, breathing out a laugh through my nose at my own joke, "Nah, I'm kidding. They can't do shit."

Laura held up a hand and popped her claws, staring at the metal-coated appendages for a moment before letting them slide back beneath the skin of her knuckles, "I was never prepared for this. All of my training never extended to... this. High school," She said 'high school' with complete distaste.

"Try going to a regular school," I said, offering a grin, "At least this place is kind of lax. I've shot kids in the face and didn't get anything worse than a slap on the wrist. I'm pretty sure you could nick someone on the cheek and get away with it. A little warning cut."

Finally, I managed a little smile from her, "You're a bad influence."

"Eh, only if you listen," I shrugged, leaning in closer to whisper, "If I were you, I would ignore 30 percent of the things that come out of my mouth. The trick is picking which 30 percent."

She tried to hide it, but I saw the shiver roll through her when I got close to her ear. At that moment, I stopped. I looked at where I was, at where Laura was, for once read the situation, and realized that I needed to tread carefully.

I had been flirting. I hadn't even meant to. It was just so easy.

Laura was usually so chill, it always seemed like there was no consequence for it. Most girls would flirt back or tell me to buzz off, but I could be as cheesy as I just was around Laura, and it wouldn't even register... or so I thought. Here, she was... receptive. In fact, she seemed to be waiting on something from me.

Lips slightly parted, eyes half-closed, she was waiting on me to kiss her. Had I not stopped to think, I probably would have. As Laura had said before about me hounding her detractors, this would just make things worse for the both of us.

But why did it even matter?

As I had said before, people were going to believe whatever they wanted to in the first place. All that mattered was what we thought and how we felt. So, how did I feel? I'd always thought Laura was gorgeous, and I liked her as a person, but I was just coming off of a rough ending to a relationship, and this felt a lot like the start of that – as something I was falling into and going along with because I didn't mind it.

In the end, I stopped myself. I had to. It wasn't fair to either one of us, no matter how much my hormones were screaming at me to go for it. Sorry, I'd burned my hand on the 'just go for it' stove before.

When I moved away, Laura opened her eyes, looking at me confusedly, "Bellamy?"

"Shit," I said, conflicted and frustrated at not taking the chance to make out with the hot girl who had already let slip that she was into me, "I'm sorry, Laura. I can't. Or more like, I shouldn't."

Laura looked like a scolded puppy, "Right. We just talked about making things worse, after all," I wanted to give her a fucking hug.

"I don't give a crap about that," I said, nipping that line of thinking in the bud before it could take root. She had to know my real train of thought, "I first got with Megan out of indifference. I didn't have a reason not to, so I just went with it," She was a nice girl who wanted a piece of me. I had no reason to say no, "...Hisako says I didn't do anything wrong, but in hindsight, it feels like a dick move."

Mister Rasputin had tried to help me out of a dilemma before by asking me if I loved Megan. At that time, I'd danced around saying no, but that had definitely been the answer. I did have a soft spot for her, and it grew into affection over time, but indisputable love? No.

The same went here. I liked Laura a lot, but love? No. I hadn't even thought of being with her romantically until two weeks ago. And doing the same goddanm thing with her that just got Megan and I burned not even a week before this would be doing a good friend a disservice. Repeating your mistakes did not lead to healthy growth.

But what could I say to make it better? Some cliche like, 'It's not you, it's me?' No way. Or, 'You deserve someone better?' While that was true, as far as I was concerned Laura deserved whatever she wanted.

Before I could think of anything to say, Laura beat me to it, "I understand," She said with a sigh.

"I just-. Wait, what?" Now I was confused, "You understand? What do you understand?" I sure didn't understand. What was I not understanding?

Laura's expression shifted to one of pity, "Cessily advised that I should wait, because you would be emotionally vulnerable. I didn't know why I would. It seemed like a strategic advantage. But here in the moment, it doesn't feel... right to take advantage of you."

I was stunned. I never figured those words would be associated with me, "T-Take advantage of me?"

"I believe Cessily called it 'being on the rebound'," Laura confirmed, paying no attention to my stunned reactions, "She didn't tell me not to pursue you now, but she warned me that things might go poorly later if I did."

I narrowed my eyes at her, "...I'm still stuck on the you taking advantage of me part," That was what was important here. No one took advantage of Bellamy Marcher.

Laura gave me a wry smile, "I was a prostitute for a time, and I am well trained in seduction techniques."

I raised an eyebrow, "And?" After Ruth's little crash course on Laura's life from months ago, I knew she had been a prostitute. Not that it had ever come up.

"Having been around you for months, I am well aware of how to tempt you."

I looked around at our proximity. We were way closer than we had been when I'd started the conversation. I didn't even notice it. I looked at how our meeting had gone since I'd walked in, how I'd gone from taking her advice as a confidant, to supporting her, to flirting. I looked at how and where I'd found her when I'd walked in, lying comfortably in my bed, waiting on me... invitingly.

The girl hadn't just watched the Bellamy Marcher movie, she'd read my fucking book and wrote her own plot.

How I overlooked the fact that an assassin trained to be the best in the world could be subtle was a mark against my general awareness. If she'd been out to kill me, I'd have been dead ten times over, "You manipulative little... was any of that even legit!?" I was starting to question our entire conversation.

Laura nodded, almost offended, "Yes. All of it was. You don't respond well to dishonesty," She said, with the astute observation, "I really do want you to be wary of Jay Guthrie."

I felt a loss when Laura brushed off her jeans and stood to leave, "Where are you going?" I winced. Goddamn, did I sound needy.

Laura stopped and turned, blinking owlishly at me, "To my room. Like I said, I would feel bad establishing relations if I didn't wait until you were in a more positive frame of mind."

"But... but..."

"-I will see you tomorrow."

Leaving no room for further conversation, or whatever one would call my stammering, Laura closed the door behind her, literally and figuratively. The girl left me by myself on my bed, staring at nothing. I was flabbergasted, and at a complete loss for what to make of everything that had transpired.

Wow. What she'd done had been extremely effective, and I didn't know if she knew just how effective it was... or if it would be worse if she did or not. For some reason though, I felt like prey, and the predator after me let me go to play with its food.

"Okay, what the fuck just happened!?" As usual, I received no answer from the world around me and was left to figure out the answer on my own.

Omake: Gracious in Victory

"I've been waiting for this day my entire life," Eddie declared to the rest of the Paladins as we stood gathered together on the stage.

The New Mutants had just received the second-place prize for this Field Day, which only left the award for top honors.

"It's beautiful," Eddie said in reference to the trophy. I could swear I saw him wipe a tear from his eyes.

Hisako didn't have much patience for hijinks after the work we'd all put in today, "Your whole life? Sure. You've only been at this school for two years."

Eddie turned his nose up at Hisako, "Are you kidding? My life started when I got my powers, Armor. Read between the lines, jeez."

"Field Day wasn't even a thing until last year!"

"I saw it in a dream. I was destined to hold that trophy."

As fun as it was to see Hisako getting a headache over something unrelated to me for once, I deescalated the conversation, "Isn't precog Ruthie's thing?" I said with a grin. We needed to be a united front for when we were called on, "Ruthie, did you ever see a Field Day trophy in your future? Is that why you got me a spot on the squad? Am I your ringer?" I teased.

Ruth laughed, "Yes. No. Laura is the ringer. Sorry," She said, patting me on the head sympathetically.

I winced, as though hurt by her words, "Ouch. That's fair," I spared our quiet fifth teammate a glance. Laura didn't seem to care one way or another about winning, "How you feeling over there?"

Laura's attention was taken from Mister Summers droning speech (did the man ever love to hear himself talk sometimes) to me, "We performed adequately."

"Adequately?" Eddie seemed offended at the pedestrian outlook on our victory, "Sister, we won this thing. I'd say we performed kickass, above the bar, shattered the mold-ingly."

"And the winners of today's Field Day competition – the Paladins!"

Having been given our cue, we all started to walk up to the front of the stage as the applause started. All but Eddie, who ran up and basically snatched the trophy out of Mister Summers' hands as he went to pick it up and present it.

To be fair, he always really wanted to win a Field Day, and Mister Summers let it slide. Good, because for what was going to happen next, he probably wouldn't.

I stepped forward to the microphone to say some words. By the time my hands were on it, Eddie was already chanting at my back.

"Do it. Do it. Do it."

I didn't need the reminder. I remembered what I'd promised him and didn't need anyone's prompting to get started. All I needed was to clear my throat before I began, "Ahem. Friends... they say all men and mutants are created equal. But you can look up on this stage right now and see firsthand that statement is not true."

"It's false!" Eddie shouted, backing me up.

"Oh my God," Hisako held her head in her hands, mortified, as she realized what was coming, and how powerless she was to stop it. Laura looked confused, while Ruth just giggled, having already read out the speech as it came up in my mind, "Mister Rasputin, stop him now," She asked, leaning over to our advisor on-stage, "I mean it."

It was too late for Colossus to do anything. My train had already left the station, "-Because the Paladins are the best. Even one down from a full squad, we're still the best! And as the leader of the Paladins, that makes me the best of the best."

I gestured out at my 'adoring' audience, likely a combination of people who were mad that I'd won and people who still saw me as a philanderer. If they wanted me to stop, reacting in any way was the worst thing they could have done. That just poured more fuel on the fire. Now that I knew I could get a response, I wasn't going to stop.

"Now, I see a lot of angry faces out there," I pointed out with what felt like the biggest shit-eating grin on my face, "Alright, show of hands. Who here thought they could actually beat us?" Many a hand went up, "Huh. A lot of you are either liars, or just ignorant. But that's okay! That's okay! That's why we're at school, children – to learn! And the next lesson all of you jabronis need to learn is that you don't beat Bellamy! Fucking! Marcher!" I punctuated, beating my chest.

"Bellamy!" Mister Summers snapped, presumably admonishing me for my vulgar language and my less than gracious speech.

"Sorry!" I apologized for the profanity at least, walking the stage to avoid him as he tried to approach me. All the while, I never stopped talking, "Some of you are slow to learn that lesson, and that's okay too! We have remedial classes for you. That's gonna be called winter Field Day when I whoop all of your asses again!" By now, boos were cascading from all over the crowd of students, "Hey, I'll tell you what. To save me some time, come January, why don't you all just line up, turn around and assume the position so I can-," By this time, Mister Summers had taken some hefty strides to catch up to me and take the microphone. Eddie grabbed me and flew me into the air, out of his clutches, "-Hey, I'm not done yet, Cyclops."

If it didn't take the press of a button on his visor to blast us, I was certain the intensity of his stare could have shot us both down, "Wing, Solaris, how much detention do you two want? Bring the microphone back to the stage."

Eddie wasn't about to let a little thing like detention ruin his victory lap, "I was promised an obnoxious winner's speech. I want my obnoxious winner's speech. To the victors go the spoils," He said, before looking to me, "Out of steam yet?"

"Absolutely not," I assured him, before getting back on the mic, "I mean come on, people! I'm just the best there ever was. I wake up in the morning and piss excellence. I'm just a big, glowing American winning machine," I pointed a glowing finger at the crowd, "Look at all of you starter-ass Pokemon down there. I see a Bulbasaur, I see some Treekos and some Tepigs and some Oshawotts. You're a fucking Mudkip, Julian."

"Fuck you, Marcher!"

"I'm a goddamn LEGENDARY!" I bellowed, "You bust out the fucking Master Ball if you want to catch me!"At that point, the sound system cut out, "Hey, don't cut my mic! I'm not done yet!" I continued to yell over the sound of booing, "You will listen to me gloat! That's the price you pay for losing! I could do this shit all da-!"

I was cut off by a well-aimed red concussive blast that clipped Eddie enough for him to drop me from ten feet in the air. I hit the stage belly down with an awesome thud and didn't move.

Mister Summers calmly walked over, finger still on the button of his visor as he reached down and took the microphone from my hand, "You are in so much trouble."

"Whatever I get... totally worth it," I said, turning my head to the side so I could be heard, "You have no idea how much I needed that."