Vestigia Nulla Retrorsum

“I worry there is something broken in our generation,

there are too many sad eyes on happy faces.”― Atticus Poetry, Love Her Wild

Gulf's POV

Do you know the feeling of loving someone but getting tired eventually? It's like you don't know which one do you love, the person or only the memories left? Is it really like this when loving a person, it makes you lost your love and be tired?

I took a glance at the kid that was embracing me while sleeping. He's sleeping peacefully, breathing freely like he's ready to conquer the world tomorrow.

The bad thing is he doesn't know how cruel the world is. I hope it'd be like this forever.

I hope that someday, I will not hide him anymore.

How I wish I could give him all the things in the world.

But, I cant.

As much as I want to, I can't bear to lose him. I can't imagine that a day would come and someone will take him away from me. I smiled bitterly and looked for the time.

It's already dawn.

I slowly moved out of my baby's embraced and went out of the room to stay on the balcony.

Here I can see the beauty of stars and the moon. I suddenly remember Tong's conversation with me a while ago.

"Hey, are you okay?" Asked Tong. He must have noticed my spacing out.

"I know that he's still there and I know what you've been through. But you know my parents, they'd give everything to Mew. I can't change the fact that they still want Mew to handle our business even though he fucked up many times. That's why I wanted a separate business, too. I'm sorry, Gulf."

While he's saying that, I felt his sincerity of worrying about me.

It's true that their family had a favorite son. Eventually, I felt the same as him. Maybe that's the reason why I'm comfortable with him. Because even though you can't guarantee that they will love you for doing the things they wanted you to do, you'd still do it. Why? Because you love them.

When I finally had the time to process things. I said, “It’s okay. Don't worry. I think I can handle it." And smiled.

But deep inside, the feeling of seeing him again.

I don't know if I should be happy or should I just move on because the reason why he's coming back is work.

"Can't sleep?" Just hearing that voice. I already know it's Mild.

"Yeah. Maybe because of the coffee I drank earlier." I reasoned out.

"Huh! You have the guts to tell me excuses, not the truth? I know you, okay? Don't try to lie and tell." I smiled bitterly.

They really know me.

They worry over small things connected to my feelings, and that's what I love about Tong and Mild.

I have a lot of friends but I only trust both of them.

Actually, before I met Mew, I only have Mild as my friend but then I met him and he was a kinda extrovert, he introduced me to his friends that became mine too.

"Tong told me that he's engaged," I said.

"Oh my God! I need to congratulate him," His voice went on a high pitch so I had to cover it because Deimos might wake up.

"Can't you lower your voice? And please let me finish talking,"

"Okay. So, what's the catch? Why are you sad?" Asked Mild.

"He said that he wanted to build his own business, for his future family."

"Oh, that's good! So, what's the problem?"

"Are you in a hurry? Why are you always not letting me finish talking?!" I said and told him to go talk to Tong if he wants. He just gave me an awkward smile.

"It's because you're saying a lot of things! You don't go in a straight line."

"Mew will be back and he's going to replace Tong as the CEO." I hurriedly said out of nervousness.

"Ah, he'll come back already? Wait, what? He'll be back? When though and why? Is that real? Why is it all of a sudden?" He asked a lot which made me lose my nervousness. Instead of being nervous, here I am being done because of Mild's overreaction.

"You ask a lot! I just knew that he's going back and you'll ask me tons of questions. Are you crazy? Do I look like a person you can ask when someone is lost?" I asked him and prevented myself from chuckling.

"Someone who left, you say."

"Love, look at the moon. Isn't it beautiful?." He said and pointed to the sky.

Instead of looking at the moon, my gaze went to his eyes and it stayed there. His eyes look like it's telling a story.

It's magical.

I saw how beautiful the stars looked while staring into his eyes.

"Beautiful indeed, " I softly whispered and when I felt that he's about to look at me, I averted my gaze and looked at the sky instead.

I startled when I saw him move and seconds after, he was hugging me already.

Hugs that could always take away my sadness and replace it with peace.

"If you think that life has been tough already, always remember that I'm here to welcome you with a hug." He said while smiling.

I smacked his shoulder lightly and giggled at what he said.

He really knows when I'm sad or anxious, he would always comfort me.

I love this man.

"Hey!" I came back to reality when Mild tapped my shoulder. I wiped the tears that I didn't know were flowing.

"I said, is it okay with you?" Mild asked, worriedly.

I just gave him an assuring smile so that he'd stop worrying. I'm sure they're tired of my issues already. Besides, it's been years already. Sometimes, I've forgotten about him already because of my son.

"Of course. That's not my company to decide who's the next CEO! I got this." I assured him.

We talked for a few more minutes and I was about to return to my room when he asked me,

"Will you tell him?" He said. I immediately knew where this will lead to.

I didn't turn around to face him. Instead, I said, "If it's worth the wait, then maybe I'll reconsider. Besides, he deserves to know."

"But he hurt you." Yeah, I know.

"Yes. I can never forget that, Mild. But it'll hurt me more if I keep a secret he deserves to know. That's not me, Mild. You know that."

When the time comes, and when I'm ready. I'll tell him.

"Aren't you afraid?" He asked.

"I am. Extremely afraid. You know that it's not only an object we're talking about here. It's my life. If he tries to take it away from me then I don't know how I'd feel. But,” I'm starting to shed tears again and my voice became hoarse.

I don't like this kind of feeling.

"But, you know that it's not mine, to begin with. I have to accept it." I said with finality.

"Okay, I understand. You need to sleep now, Deimos will surely wake up early. Goodnight! Love yah! I'm always here, okay?" He said and so I went inside the room, kissed Deimos forehead, and slept.