YLLAC

YLLAC was generous. Too generous, according to his mother. At sinisisi nito ang sarili dahil doon. Noong bata pa raw si Yllac, bago siya matuto ng Abakadaegaha, itinanim sa isip niya ng ina na huwag maging madamot. Matutong magbigay. Sharing is caring. It's better to give than to receive. Things like that.

His mother was proud, dahil nakikita nitong isinapuso't isip niya iyon. But it was backfiring now, said his mother. Because Yllac gives too much, shares too much, helps too much that it became his flaw, his weakness. Sa sobrang generous niya, naaabuso na umano siya, nauuto, nagagamit.

"Hindi ka mamamatay kung magdadamot ka minsan, Yllac," naalala niyang sermon ng ina minsan--noong matuklasan na ibenenta niya ang motorbike na iniregalo ng Ate Luan niya para ipautang kay Arlo, his college friend, at idagdag sa processing fee para makapag-abroad na ito. It turned out, isinabong lang ni Arlo ang pera. "Hindi ka mapuputulan ng kamay kung hi-hindi ka. Matuto ka namang tumanggi minsan, 'nak. Iyang pagiging sobrang mapagbigay mo, iyan pa ang magpapahamak sa'yo. Mamukat-mukat na lang namin, pati atay at kidney mo, ipinamigay mo na rin."

Tinawanan lang niya ang ina at sinabing hindi mangyayari iyon. May trauma siya sa karayom, scalpel at surgeons. His dear mother knew that. Umismid lang ito at sinabihan siya na ipapa-tawas na kapag nagpauto na naman sa mga kaibigan niya o kamag-anak nila.

Mas natawa siya. Ano ba ang tingin nito sa generousity niya? Sapi? Gawa ng engkanto o ng nuno sa punso? For his mother, his generousity was like an illness that got to be cured. Parang bacteria na kailangang sugpuin ng antibiotics or else, he'll get infected and die. Die. Death. Deadly. That's how his mother sees his..."flaw". At mukhang tumpak din ang isang kasabihan: that mothers knows best.

Because at that moment, while he was thinking of home and his mother, and how it'll break her heart once the news reach her, Yllac was staring at the star-filled sky, his breath was ragged, his body was starting to get numb...from pain and cold. Like a thirsty monster, the ground seemed like sucking his blood seeping from the deep wound on his chest.

Yllac was dying.

Because he's too generous. And too trusting. His mother was right after all. His generousity will be the death of him.

Pinanatili ni Yllac na nakabukas ang mga mata dahil natatakot siya, na kapag pumikit siya, hindi na niya magagawang magmulat muli. Death was inevitable but he doesn't want to die yet. Not tonight, not in that place.

It was in the middle of nowhere, huge trees were surrounding him. It stunk there, too. Or was it himself he's smelling? Did he shit his pants?

Ah damn, Yllac thought and winced. Even thinking hurts him--a lot. Napaubo siya, may tumilamsik na likido mula sa bibig niya. Dugo niya. He was really dying.

Tears blurred his vision and he cursed inwardly. Ayaw niyang pumikit dahil gusto niyang titigan lang ang langit, ang mga bituin na parang kay lalapit lang. Pero panira ang luha niya. Now he can no longer see. There weren't stars anymore, just a dark void. And it seemed like sucking him.

Sabi nila, kapag mamamatay na raw ang isang tao, liwanag ang makikita nito. Pero bakit kadiliman ang natatanaw ni Yllac? Nasaan ang liwanag? Ang liwanag na susundo sa kanya patungo sa...saan nga ba? Saan ba siya pupunta? Heaven, hell or...sa kawalan. Maybe he'll just simply vanish, like a bubble.

The dark void, he's still looking at it. He felt sleepy. Sinikap niyang labanan ang antok. He needed to stay awake. He needed to stay alive. He needed to go back home. Help. He needed help. Tinawag na niya ang Diyos, ang lahat ng santo at anghel na kilala niya, ang mga kamag-anak niyang pumanaw na.

Anyone...please help me. Don't let me die here...

The darkness was getting thick, the numbness was getting worst. Walang darating ngayong gabi. Hindi maghihimala ang langit. Walang anghel na bababa para sagipin siya. It was the end for him.

Isa lang ang magagawa ni Yllac--ang sumuko. He stopped fighting and surrendered himself to the darkness.

He closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.