38.

Loneliness eats you alive, especially when you're so used to having someone to turn to.

Sam was there for me every time - with my parents, with my school struggles - and I couldn't give him the answer he wanted. No, needed, for us to get past this.

It wasn't an answer someone ever wanted to hear - but it was the truth, and knowing the truth hurts, but not as much as being kept in the dark, and knowing it.

I slid down the length of the dorm room door, and finally allowed the tears to come rushing out, the tears I hadn't even realised I was holding back, because I was so angry at the world, at Theo, at myself, to focus on the pain.

But that's what this was - I hurt Sam, and that hurt me.

Because even if you no longer love a person, or you find yourself questioning if you ever even did, the guilt still resides within you.

And so I did the last thing I ever wanted to do, but the harsh reality was that I didn't have a choice.