63. The End of the Nightmare

"Looking good, Grey."

Meredith offered a small smile to her resident. "Does that mean I get to come back to work?"

"You can come back Monday morning," Bailey conceded. Meredith was in for her check-up, almost two weeks following her near drowning incident.

She smiled wider. "Good."

"You sound too eager, Grey."

Her eyes found Derek's form. He was across the small exam room, examining her latest chest x-ray as if it were a complicated CT. It was quite obvious to even the untrained eye that there were rib fractures, but it was obvious to the trained eye that the fractures were beginning to heal, and that no fragments had subluxed or migrated. But, apparently, Derek was not taking anything for granted. It was as if he were looking for a problem.

"I think it would be good for him, if I come back to work," Meredith whispered to Bailey, motioning her head towards Derek. He had been better the previous day; no more desperate marriage proposals. She hadn't been able to make him go into work, so they had driven out to spend the day at the trailer. It had been therapeutic, but not all-healing.

"He does seem tense." Miranda shook her head at her superior's upright posture. "Dr. Shepherd, do you plan on joining our discussion, or does that x-ray require another ten minutes of analysis?"

Derek sighed and turned. "I just want to make sure everything is okay."

Bailey shook her head. "It's a very simple x-ray and it's fine. I see that, and Grey sees that. Now leave it alone and get over here."

He hinted at a smile. "Worried I don't trust your medical expertise, Miranda?"

"Just get over here."

"Be nice to her," Meredith chastised when he stepped up beside her, his hand finding the small of her back. "She's letting me come back to work."

"That's good, as long as you feel up to-"

"I feel fine."

He nodded, his expression still apprehensive, but believing. "Just making sure."

"Don't harass your girlfriend, Derek. She's right. She's healing perfectly, and is completely ready to come back to work."

Meredith nodded her agreement, grateful for her resident's insistence; knowing she was doing it for Derek's benefit.

"I would hardly call that harassment..." He said lightly. The light was slowly coming back on in his eyes. He was gradually beginning to trust that she still was (and would continue to be) there. The humour inside him was slowly emerging once more. And Meredith was grateful. She missed the humour; especially the banter.

"Do you have any other questions?" Bailey asked her intern.

"Just one; what time do I start?"

Bailey shook her head. "Come in for rounds, but I don't want you staying late. No extended shifts for at least a week, and if you're getting tired, take a break."

"Okay," she agreed quickly, shifting off of the exam table to stand on the floor.

"Grey, I need your word."

Meredith rolled her eyes. "I promise."

Derek felt he was breathing easier than he had all week. After Meredith's check-up, they had stopped for a bite to eat at one of their favourite restaurants before heading home. And even though he could tell she was lagging a bit, she was happy and animated about going back to work.

His chest no longer constricted painfully at the thought of being away from her for even a short time. All of her results were as positive as could be expected; he had double and triple checked himself. She was healing, and she would be back to normal soon; no permanent effects.

He hadn't lost her, and though he still had dreams of losing her, he was beginning to think to the future again. The overwhelming need to marry her right away was dissipating. He still wanted to marry her, but could see the merit in Meredith's words two days prior. They needed a better start than a 'what do you say' proposal and an impulsive Vegas wedding. They deserved a memorable proposal, wedding and wedding night.

"Anything else you want to do with your last few days of freedom?" He asked lightly as he followed her in the front door.

Her laughter was music to his ears. "My last days of freedom, huh?"

He nodded. "The hospital owns you again first thing Monday morning."

"Only for another month."

"I hate to tell you this, Mer, but becoming a resident doesn't make it any better."

"At least I won't be the bottom of the pile anymore."

"That is true."

"Izzy's on call until midnight," she said, going back to his original question, "So we've got the house to ourselves. We could crash on the couch with a movie?"

He stepped in close to her, his hands finding her hips. "Mmm, sounds like a plan. And, let me guess, you want to order pizza?"

"What would make you think that?"

He chuckled. "Because you always want to order pizza."

She pursed her lips in the adorable way that always made his heart flutter. "That's not true..."

He sidled closer, brushing up against her. "It's very true," he whispered, before closing the small gap between them and kissing her. One hand left her hips to find the back of her head, his fingers threading through her hair. "But I love you anyway."

She scrunched up her nose, her hands resting on her shoulders. "What do you mean 'anyway'? Pizza is good."

"But not good for you."

She sighed before changing her tactic. "You know, most guys would be happy to have a girlfriend that liked to eat real food. I could be obsessed with calories and exist off of salad with fat free dressing..."

"No, you couldn't," he retorted, pecking her lips. "Because then you wouldn't be you."

She beamed at him, and he swore he felt his heart melt. "Thank-you for loving me."

It wasn't the first time she had said it to him, and though he knew it probably wouldn't be the last, he hoped it would. "Meredith, I will always love you for you. You're perfect. Unique, maybe a little crazy, but perfect."

She mock glared at him, before sobering, her upper incisors capturing her bottom lip.

"What is it?" He furrowed his brow, knowing she was debating telling him something. And it always broke his heart to see her so vulnerable, so afraid to open up. She trusted him, he knew it, but her mother had instilled deep-seated insecurities that she was struggling so hard to overcome.

She sighed again, resigned. And her eyes flickered away from his. "I was afraid...after the other day...that you wouldn't..."

"That I wouldn't what?"

She opened her mouth, but quickly clamped it shut once again, locking it with her incisors.

"Hey," he chastised, hooking two fingers under her chin to lift her eyes back to his. He brushed his thumb across her chin and lips, afraid she was going to bite down so hard that she would bleed. "I went crazy that day, Meredith. I was desperate and irrational and a whole host of other things you didn't deserve."

"That's not true."

"Yes, it is. Now, tell me what's on your mind."

She tried to look away again, but he didn't let her. "I was afraid that if...that if I said no...that you wouldn't want our future anymore."

"Oh, Mer..." He murmured, wrapping his arms loosely around her. Analyzing her x-ray that morning had made him feel more comfortable holding her. "That's crazy. Nothing will ever make me not want you anymore."

She sniffed against his chest as she clutched at the fabric of his shirt with her fists.

"And let's get one thing straight," he added, a much lighter tone in his voice, "you didn't actually say no, remember? Something about me not actually asking?"

She nodded again, and he could feel her holding back laughter.

"But you are going to say yes one day," he couldn't help but add. "When I actually ask, you're going to say yes. You promised."

"I promised," she agreed, lifting her head. Her eyes were damp, but her cheeks were dry.

He pursed his lips, before continuing to banter with her. "Unless of course, you were just saying that to calm me down..."

She rolled her eyes, knowing he was baiting her. "Of course not."

"I think I'm going to have to ask for some form of confirmation..."

It was her turn to kiss him. "When you ask, I'll say yes. I promise."

He smiled before kissing her back. "Good to know."

She pursed her lips, "Like you weren't overly confident enough already..."

Derek chuckled. "Not true."

"Very true," she said quickly, turning the table on him.

"Hmmpf," he muttered, releasing her. "Seeing as I'm going to lose this one, why don't we get started on that movie? You want to order the pizza, or should I?"

Meredith giggled, but shook her head. "I want to have a shower first."

"Do you need a hand?" There would have been a time, not long ago at all, where he would have said it with a certain tone in his voice. But right now, he honestly meant it in an innocent way.

Meredith however, raised an eyebrow with a smirk that bordered on dirty. "What kind of hand did you have in mind, exactly?"

"Meredith..."

But she shook her head, cutting him off before he could argue. "Because I seem to remember a certain hand of yours being quite helpful."

"Mer, we can't..."

"We can," she insisted. "You saw my scan."

He stepped in close again, trying to block out the smell of her hair. There was no lying when he told her she was irresistible. And the fact that she was so eager made it twice as hard to resist her. "But you're still healing."

She lifted his hand and placed it against her chest, right over her heart. "We both need this, Derek."

"I don't want to hurt you," he found himself whispering, wanting her so badly, but loving her enough to say no if that was what was best.

"You could never hurt me," she whispered back, echoing the words she had spoken to him months ago, after she had been caught in the blast of a bomb.

"Are you sure?"

"I've never been more sure of anything..." she continued to whisper, and he wasn't sure whether she was speaking of their soon activities, or of being with him. The look in her eyes told him it was both.

"I'll be gentle," he said, as way of agreement, before pressing his lips against hers.

Hours later, Derek half sat, slouched against the arm of the couch, Meredith curled up against him, snoring softly. The second movie of the night played quietly on the television, but he paid it no attention as he concentrated on running his fingers through the silky strands of her hair. It was times like this that he wondered how he could ever want to be anywhere else.

After she convinced him out of his hesitation, he had led her up the stairs to their bedroom, and they had used the bed for more than just sleeping for the first time since her accident. It had been calmer than normal, slower and quieter, but no less intense. And when it was over, they had laid together for almost an hour before getting up and showering together.

"You sure you're okay?" He had asked as they headed down the stairs after their shower.

She had rolled her eyes in good nature. "Other than being a bit hungry – which the pizza you promised me will solve – I'm great."

"I don't remember actually promising any pizza..."

But they had, of course, ended up ordering a large pizza, of which Meredith ate more than half. And when she had finally eaten her fill, she had snuggled into his chest and closed her eyes.

Derek had lost track of the time he had spent simply revelling in the truly having her back in his arms. She was still healing, but he felt like he could touch without breaking. Her chest expanded rhythmically against his, calming any lingering fears he had. She was breathing easily now, her body warm and healthy.

And she would stay that way for a long time.

"Mmm," she mumbled something incoherent against him, shifting slightly, before returning to quiet breathing.

Derek smiled to himself. He had never actually heard her talk in her sleep, but she did mumble on a regular basis. It had startled him the first few nights he had spent with her, but now it comforted him. He doubted anyone had ever known her this well, this intimately that had nothing to do with sex.

Even though he knew he should take her up to bed, Derek couldn't bring himself to move. It didn't seem all that important that he too was going back to work the following day, or that Izzy would be home soon. He was exactly where he wanted to be. The last two weeks had been a nightmare; a terrifying sequence of events and feelings and desperation that he couldn't stop. But now he felt like things were getting better, like there truly was a light at the end of the tunnel.

The ring hidden in his desk at work was still there. He had debated getting it earlier that day when he had been at the hospital for Meredith's appointment, but had eventually decided against it. He would propose; soon. But he needed to plan something. She wasn't one for huge displays, or public displays, or long speeches, or...a number of other stereotypical scenarios many girls would love. But she did deserve something memorable; they both did. He needed to come up with something better than over pizza in the living room. And he had time.

He stilled his hand against her back for a moment and held her tight. "Soon, Mer," he murmured, his nose buried in her hair.