35

He entered the door of his wife's room and listened carefully, nothing was moving. Hesitantly, he knocked on the door. Silence knocked again. Silence carefully felt the doorknob and it wasn't there. He opened the door, but the room and the bed were empty. He shouted as loud as someone

Nothing moved, he tried to go to the kitchen, he struggled, a terrible feeling of abandonment was starting to claim him, the man trembled, not knowing what he wanted to do, he left to say goodbye or to prevent him from leaving. But there was no one here yet, not even a trace of the loyal dog, everything left him. Loneliness surrounded him. He consumed the last drop of my eyes. He went back to the room in the empty house and took his bag. Heeding the urge inside him made him feel free from the burden he had on him. It was his fault. He said to himself. It's his fault. Why did he leave? He should have kept me here. He must have gone to Bursa with his family on his son's duty. He could have protected me from himself, but He didn't want it. He hates me. He doesn't love me anymore. He abandoned me. That's why I will abandon myself too. My blood on my hands will make me uncomfortable. It's his fault. It's not mine. It's all his fault. While he was out of the house, he came back once again. A call from somewhere, a word of love. Wouldn't someone come from inside this place? Wasn't he going to raise his fist to the obedience mechanism out of honor and give it to me, but there was no one speaking, there was no sound, nothing showed itself, he was leaving everything to him alone, he was already starting to feel like he was falling into the depths, a thought came to his mind, wouldn't it be better if a man threw him into the lake, fell off the bridge, and had my life in the clock tower? The clock ticked and the voice rang. Once upon a time, it was clear. The call in the sky that he loved so much provoked him like a whip. After 10 minutes, the train would come and everything would finally end hopelessly. 10 more minutes. But he no longer felt that these were free moments. He rushed forward like a hunted person. Everyone said, he hesitated. He kept running, he got caught up in the crazy fear of being late, he got faster and faster, and finally, just before he reached him, he almost hit someone standing at a barrier. While he was not in a rush, the backpack in his trembling hand fell down. With his wife waiting there. It was a robbery as if he had never slept. It was painful enough. His eyes were automatic again. I knew he would come. Send the result. I knew he would do it. But I'm not abandoning you. I've been waiting for me here since the early morning. Please, since you came and if it's the last one, I'll wait until you leave. As long as I'm breathing, they won't be able to give you life. Remember, you said it yourself that there was still time. I left you before. I remember when you got off the school buses, I said I couldn't do it with you and turned around and went on my way. You will hit me from behind, I was looking at me, I ran and waited for you to come, beg me, please don't leave me, I beg you, but I didn't do it and I don't want to leave you a second time, the man said, if he calls, if he picks up, they are waiting for me. Who is waiting for you? Maybe a record, but no one else is waiting for you, wake up and see that you are completely free now. Let him see that no one has any sanctions on you and no one can give you orders, you must be conscientious, you must petition or you will not receive a report due to your psychological disorder or I can tell you that you should not go ten thousand times, every hour, every minute until you feel it to me, you are free, freedom is too important a value to lose, please. said the man. Because the person passing by was looking at them with curiosity. Please don't shout so much. People are looking at us. The woman shouted angrily. "People are people." Who cares what people think? Why should I care about them? You or I will be shot and killed. What good will they do to me? It's nice to have mercy on people. Why should I care about their mercy? Do people care about each other, even for months? He doesn't kill children in Israel. Eminoğlu has his own. In our country, the generals and soldiers who serve this country are rotting in prisons, most of their diseases are dying. Cemil cares about the journalists, they are away from their families in prison, only because of their ideas. And again, for whose sake do I want you as a human being? As a free living person, I want you free. As a free person should be, the man tried to calm his wife's anger, the woman left him, leave me alone, you too are your ass, scared without a plow, I am here, I am a free person, I can say what I want, I am not a servant and I take you to the slave. I won't sacrifice myself. If you leave, I will throw the man and woman in front of the locomotive again. Captain. But the woman's eyes wandered a little more, but I won't lie with surprise. I can be a coward to do this. Millions of women acted very cowardly while their husbands and children were taken away. Nobody did what they shouldn't have done. Your cowardice is poisoning us. People lose their lives because of cowardice. In Sivas in July 1993, 33 people were burned to death due to the cowardice of the government. Cowardice is alwaysIt brings loss. If you leave, what will I do? I'll cry and tell my secrets. I'll go to the cem's house and get acquainted with it. I'll burn for a light duty.

Then maybe I'll make fun of the steps that don't go Anything is possible these days The man held the woman's hands Why are you making it hard for me when you know it has to be done I'm supposed to make it easy It must be hard for you, very hard, as hard as I can Here I am You've got to get enough in your best way You've got to use your fists and pull me when I fall Ask you to I'm not giving up, I'm fading or the cheerful man delegated to Serkan and reached for his backpack, but the woman grabbed the bag before him and stood in front of him with the door. The man was worried, "Give it to me." The woman, breathing hard, said never. They were surrounded by loudly laughing students who turned around. There were shouts rising from the honorable audience, pitting the husband and wife against each other. They were provoking the children, they stopped their games and came to watch, but with the power of love and desperation, the couple pulled the bag as if they were fighting for their lives. At that moment, the sound of the locomotive was heard as Kara entered. The man suddenly left his backpack in his backpack and started running without looking back. Look, he hurried to catch up with him, saying Peker, between the rails to relax. The students were running with joy, laughing, they knew, you have to jump again, sir, the lady won the fight, they were shouting, their rude laughter hit the man's embarrassment, and here the train was leaving the station, his wife was standing with her backpack in her hand, amidst the laughter of the crowd surrounding him. He was looking at the train, which was speeding up and disappearing from sight. The man did not wave from the window, did not give any sign. The woman's eyes suddenly filled with tears and she didn't see anything. The man squatted in the corner of the carriage, while the brakes were picking up speed. He didn't try to look out the window. Outside, everything he had was shattered into a thousand pieces by the speed of the train. He was passing by. The little house on the top of the hill, where his books, his desk, his chair, his bed, and his dog were happy days, shone often. The freedom to watch with your eyes, the wide view, along with your whole life, was passing away there. He felt the blood in all his veins draining. In his pocket, Işıl Reyhan was nothing more than a white decision paper. He was now being moved forward by the evil will of fate, thanks to that piece of paper. He let the events flow with a dull astonishment. The conductor asked for his ticket, there was no message. But the other one said the name of the town he went to with a sufficient tone. More precisely, the place that was once a town is now the central district of Izmir, in a huge city. Bornova, the city taken over by young people. book sellers, or rather cafes where people sit for good deeds or tea, of all things, who was making the mechanism? It didn't hurt him anymore. Why did they want to see his papers at the entrance? He showed what he had, that single piece of paper. The soldier on duty called out to him slowly. He said, "Come up the hill and come to the hut." From time to time, the human remains inside him were in a dream. Murad was trying to think for a while while the message was coming, he was still saying "You are free, you don't have to go", but I started to climb the hill. The big thick stick that stopped the vehicles at the entrance of the Nizamiye started to slowly lift upwards. On the woman's stick, there was a red hexagon written "Stop". Above the entrance of the Nizamiye, two tanks raised their guns upwards. He was waiting But the one in his blood that doesn't talk still moves those ways And moves on his nerves If I don't pay attention to him, the inclination was saying it was enough, mercilessly, every Turkish soldier is born The homeland is a whole, it can't be broken Martyrs don't die The homeland is indivisible He can stand on the platform at the transfer station, where he will get on the train he needs to get on again to go to his country, and a little further on like this spoon Pay a raise to the dog that crosses the river that he can clearly see inside. He could have turned back at that moment. But he didn't, you saw he was trying to understand the meaning of the poisonous word. They can survive on this side of the Nizamiye. They can breathe and talk freely. They can act as they want. They can do anything useful. But when you step into it and cross that bridge. When it passes, our will is almost taken away. An animal was being destroyed as if its internal organs were ripped out. It obeys strangers and other strangers are planes from death. That little bridge there was made of hundreds of tree roots and draws. It expressed all these things in life. So colorful, God, what are the bad jerseys? Two men are at the entrance of Nizamiye. They were waiting with guns in their hands behind the long stick used to stop cars A pessimistic feeling hurt him I knew he couldn't think straight anymore he kept going up the hill but the thoughts kept going around in his head what exactly were they protecting inside were they preventing someone from going from one country to another they were leaving the country where people's will was ripped out to the country on the other side of the border They were making sure they didn't go. Well, that village.Was he going to cross the river? Yes, but were you going to leave the freedom towards the other side and continue on your way? He stood still, absently, hypnotized by the idea of the border. When he saw his true face, in military uniforms, inside a physical object guarded by two citizens. An authority awoke that he could no longer fully understand everything. He tried to think. The war was only going on a kilometer ahead in Greece. Or less than a kilometer away. Or maybe it seemed to him that the distance was maybe even shorter. It was a strange desire to find out if there was a war in those last meters. Why did Greece even extend its borders to 12? For years, this limit had been set at 6,000. When it was suddenly increased to 12, it actually occupied the cities in the places where the sea ends, for example, cities on the border such as Izmir and Muğla. In fact, it was now considered to be under the control of the Greek soldiers. Taking one step to 6 miles was actually a reason for war, and they increased that limit to 12 liras. Suppose his humor cheered him up a little, then One step left, one of your feet is on the guardhouse and the other is on the ground. Then, what will happen to you? Are you still free or are you already a soldier? You will have to wear a civilian citizen's boot on one foot and a soldier's boot instead of the other. His mixed thoughts are becoming more and more childish. Let's assume that You were on the mechanism attached to that long wooden stick that stopped the vehicles at the entrance of the Nizamiye, then you came back running. Would you be a deserter then? Oguz's asphalt flowing under the wooden stick. Is it the burn of war or are you going to make peace? Is there a marsupial horse somewhere with the colors of the country? What about fish? Are animals allowed to go towards the war zone? I thought about his dog. If his dog had come with him, they would probably have called him to war. He would have had to shoot and smear the wounded men under the rain of bullets. Fortunately, he stayed at home. Good luck with this thought. He is sick and the man was shaken in physical form. Since I saw it as a bridge between the death that happened, the thing that started to work inside me felt that it was not that mechanism and that its resistance started to find life again. The one who brought it here was still standing on the rails, only the locomotive had moved and the wagons sent it back to Eskişehir, its eyes are ready. I will hang the cure. Its eyes were now looking in the other direction. He gave a sign that it was time. The longing he felt for his lost home was numb. He felt a painful life returning to his nerves. There was a time. The man began to come to life again. There, at the other end of the bridge, I saw a soldier disguised as asking for a strange person. He saw his reflection, now he could see his destiny more clearly, now that he understood it, he knew that death meant being destroyed. Life in his soul was screaming, then again the markers cracked, the voice destroyed his still undecided emotions. He knew that he had lost everything. If he got on this train, we would spend 3 minutes in it. We would go towards the bridge and cross it. He knew that if he was going to pass, he would be safe for another 15 minutes. He waited in a lottery for a train in the distance. He did not enter the train business. Over the bridge. He walked slowly from the other side. Suddenly, the station hall became active like this. People threw themselves out of the waiting rooms. The women came forward, shouting. The soldiers lined up. The man was listening in surprise, but there he was. Eskişehir was waiting in front of the train. The doors of the wagons opened. Men with epidemic faces, whose eyes were shining with joy, came out. He said, "This must be a dream." In this dream-like environment, he realized that there was an exchange of wounds in the war. A few exchanges had been made before. It should have been the 1923s, during the time of Atatürk and the Order, how were the soldiers? He was waving, shouting and laughing, even though laughing hurt many, a self-sacrificing man staggered out. He was granted a wish and shouted Greece is great Greece. Women ran from window to window in tears until they found the love they were looking for. The music rose inside her, disappeared and for a while nothing could be heard but the sound of these people at the right point of their emotions. Then slowly they calmed down, in a quiet happiness she couldn't come together. The people who were talking to the girl formed groups. A few women were still walking around, calling out the names they were looking for. The nurses had brought gifts. They were in white bandages. They were pale and their colors. Those who were in very serious condition were carried out with gifts, they were immediately cared for, all the destructiveness of pain was intensely visible in these people. Recep, among the unexpected stampede of these new arrivals, was alone with a paralyzed person and his heart under the piece of paper in his breast pocket. While standing, hear a loved oneHe saw the hesitant men slowly walking towards the injured man who seemed to be forgotten in the joy of these strangers. The man's eyes were white as paper, the injured man was hanging down on a chair, his eyes were closed, his lips were pale, he barely lifted the swinging arm and placed it on the injured man's chest. Then the stranger opened his eyes, looked at him or said hello with a smile. Why did this movement seem like a flash of light to the still trembling man? Was he going to do such things too? Was I going to take part in the crime of the law with his own free will, looking with the hatred felt by the eyes of people who would take advantage of people like this? The reality of what he felt came alive again with great power, he broke the mechanism inside me 100 years ago Why was the war being repeated a hundred years ago? The Greeks had been caught up in their big dreams a hundred years ago, and now they were caught up in big dreams again. This broke him down. He knelt down next to the stretcher, sobbing. People always thought that the electrician was having a crisis, they ran to him in a hurry. The doctor came to him, but he had already started to stand up. He did not ask for help. His face was calm and calm. He was cheerful, he found his wallet, I took out the last money in it and left it on the injured man's level. Then I took out the call sheet and read it slowly and carefully once more. Then I threw the paper in half on the ground. People looked at him like he was crazy. But he wasn't ashamed anymore. I thought I was healed. He went back to Eskişehir late that evening. It was as dark and closed as any coffin. He knocked on the door. Footsteps slowly approached the door. His wife opened the door. The woman came in surprise when she saw her husband. But the man gently held his wife's arm and guided her back to the donkey. They stood without saying anything. He was shaking with happiness. When he went to the living room, he saw his books standing there. His wife took all the books down. She tried to feel close to her husband through her work. She felt an endless love for him in response to his sign of love. She understood what she had saved. The dog silently squeezed her hand. Did he run? He even jumped on her. It was as if everything was waiting there for her, as if she had never left there, and at the same time, someone from the time of her death. They didn't talk again, but the woman held her husband's hand and brought him closer to the window. The endless world that went crazy outside, untouched by the self-destructive torture of humanity, was ashamed. Fire had been opened on the Palestinians waiting for help. 300 people had died. Under the endless sky, the endless stars shining for her had taken their place. When she looked above, she saw with a diminished holy spirit. that there was no law on earth other than what people had made for humanity, nothing could truly unite people except their own togetherness, the distance that was near, the throne of the breath, and it was sacred, sometimes the two bodies felt from being side by side, they had mouths and period, yet they did not speak, hearts made a person out of their words in the infinite freedom of everything that surrounded them. He was free from the laws, he was floating freely, suddenly sirens sounded, they had to leave immediately with a Greek air attack, they started to go faster, holding hands.