The Way You Felt

I SIGHTED Thomas's black SUV some metres away from the cafe and slowly strolled over to it.

Fucking bad timing.

I finally pulled open the door. The cold AC blew on my head and I knew I would never forget that AC. I settled in the front seat and closed the door.

It's time.

He drove off without saying a word. I stared at him a couple of times and on each occasion, his eyes were completely focused on the road. I could see his grip on the steering wheel tighten whenever I turned towards him.

"Tom-" "There's no need," he tightened his grip on the wheel once more.

I sighed loudly and looked out my side of the window, silently watching how the buildings swept by the roadside. The lamp posts slowly transcended from giving off a pale radiation of light as it the sky was now dim-dark.

I touched my dried hair.

I'm grateful I've got puffy hair. That coffee would have burned my scalp to ashes.

I turned to Thomas once more before returning my gaze to the street.

All I wanted was a nice dinner with you, Tom. How we got to this, I have no idea.

After minutes of glass silence, Thomas pulled over by the roadside- for my hostel building was situated deep in the alley upfront.

"Wendy," he started, shattering the glass into tiny little pieces.

He kept on staring at the steering wheel like he did nothing, "I'm not even going to hold anything back right now cause- fuck! Words can't even explain how hurt I am."

I swallowed saliva, not daring to interject. Instead, I fidgeted with my fingers.

"I passed by your workplace a couple of days ago on my way to J-Jake's place."

I frowned at him.

Jake?

"Yeah, Jake. Well, I saw you laughing your heart out with that same guy that last left the cafe before I did. I didn't find the need to ask you who he was because I fucking believed that you won't cheat on me and that you were just friends. I trusted you, Wendy."

His words broke into me. Not because he didn't know the truth, but because he had given up already. I knew it. He couldn't even call me babe anymore.

"I went over to Jake's place yesterday also. Do you know how hard I prayed that I wouldn't see you with the guy again? Guess what? I did. I saw you with him. Funny how I still trusted you and waved off every shitty thought."

I thinned my lips, slightly bowing my head.

"The guys have been telling me that they've been seeing you a lot with some guy I assume is this same man. Do you know how deeply it scarred me for the past few days? But I still trusted you, Wendy," he tilted my face so I would look him in the eyes, "Because I fucking love you!"

"Even with the rumours, even after seeing it myself, even after you cancelled our outing, even as I was damn annoyed! I fucking dressed up to come to surprise you, so we can be together even as our plans for today didn't work out."

A tear slipped down my eye as I stared at him. I bit my lip, silencing myself from screaming my heart out.

He let go of my chin, "And how do I meet you? I meet you getting bullied by that asshole's bitch for riding with her man."

"If you were in my shoes, what would you believe? How many times have you brought up foolish excuses as to why we can't meet up? Yet, every fucking day, you're kissing that guy's ass. You should have come clean. You should have told you that you no longer loved me, you're no longer interested. You should have told me you've found someone else."

I sniffled as more tears dripped onto Adrian's hoodie, "Thomas, I swear, I didn't do nothing with that man." "Oh! So that chick accused you of trying to steal her man by mistake?" "I'm serious, believe me. It's all a misunderstanding." "It's all not. There's no other logical explanation for this shit. If there was, you'd have spat it out instead of keeping quiet and just babbling. It really isn't a misunderstanding," he retorted.

"It really is. Why are you being a dick right now? Just calm down and fucking listen to what I have to say. I'm so confused right now I don't even know where to start. Let me just cool down and explain to you! At least I listened to what you had to say when you cheated!" I immediately covered my mouth and stared, awaiting my armoured fate.

Thomas shot a bloody glare at me, "And what does that mean? What the fuck does that mean, Davis? That since I cheated, you're permitted to cheat whenever you feel like it? And why did I even cheat in the first place? Wasn't it all down to your stupid excuse that made the guys holler a last-minute chick for me? What the hell are you trying to point out?"

I breathed heavily.

You don' done it, Wendy.

"Thomas–" "I want a break."

I sighed. He was always like this, running away from his problems.

"For how long this time then? One week? Two? A month?" He fixed his gaze back on the steering wheel, "I mean it's over between us, Wendy. I'm breaking up with you."

My eyes widened in sheer dismay. His words seemed to have crashed into me hard as my heart began to ache with every beat.

Like a church bell restricting a perfect sleep, I never wanted to awaken to reality.

"It was awesome while it still lasted but since you want to be smart, you can go suck up to your fucking misunderstood friend. Get out of my car."

Tears streamed from my eyes without constraint as I clung onto my chest, "Thomas, please don't do this to me," I held onto his lap with my free hand as more tears trickled down my cheeks. "And don't do this to yourself either. Leave my fucking car before I do it myself. And I promise you, I won't be nice," he slapped my hand off him.

With whatever was left of my dignity, I slowly got down from the vehicle. I stared at him one last time with my watery eyes.

"Fucking dimwit," I heard him say as he slammed the door shut himself.

Knowing that it would be the last time I'd ever see him, pierced spears of anguish into my heart. I didn't want him to leave just yet. I didn't want him to leave at all.

I watched in despair as he zoomed off and left me with the wind of the monochrome memories we made.

Like a dead man walking, I trailed down the alley. I tried to be strong. I tried not to pour my heart out. The forming tears in my eyes dared not take a step further.

I held onto the building walls and walked like I was a toddler who had no idea how to use its legs. As I got into the house, I rested on the door and pulled out my phone, sliding over to Annabel's inbox to narrate my ordeal.

Someone had said that a problem shared is one half-solved.

"Well, this doesn't solve anything!" I screamed as I stared at the sent message.

I switched off my phone and sank unto the couch, covering my mouth. The tears didn't dare come.

My stomach rumbled and I sniffled. Grabbing my purse, I took out my handkerchief and wiped my face of all the snot and wetting pre-tears.

I walked out of the house to take a quick stroll in the course of finding what to eat.

I didn't want to live in the truth. I didn't even want to believe it.

We had started from our teenage years, Thomas. How could you let go so easily?

You didn't even think twice. You didn't think of how I'd feel.

I approached the end of the alley that fused into the darned road.

Or do I go to his hostel? Maybe I can plead with him to take me back. Just for a month.

My lips pressed thin as I tried to swallow the lump in my throat.

I must have mistakenly pulled it out instead as I lost control and fell on the floor mid-way out of the alley, wailing my heart out.

Today sucks. Everything sucks.

I'm so useless. I couldn't even go out with my boyfriend without feeling insecure.

Why did I come to the earth as Wendy Davis? Why didn't I come as Anna who had a good fashion sense? Or Clara who has a pretty face? Or even Scar, who's got the perfect hourglass shape?

I'm just different. Odd.

I sniffled and dug my face into my knees.

"What's wrong?" A huffed masculine voice went through my ears.

I looked up to meet the face of a young man who was totally turned anonymous by his black attire; face cap and nose mask. He crouched right in front of me and I could see his eyes glisten from the radiation of the only lamp post in the alley.

I clutched at my purse, "Who the fuck are you?"

"Oh, I'm sorry but you need not be weary of me. I was just on my way to the hotel nearby when I saw you and decided to come to check up on you. Is everything alright?" I eyed him, "Yeah. I just had a bad day, that's all." "Oh. Sorry about that. Just don't be too hard on yourself, okay?" He ruffled my hair and squinted his eyes.

"I had better get going before I get scolded," he chuckled.

"But I really would love for you not to cry anymore. Whatever it is, you'll be fine. I just hope that talking to someone has made you feel better, even if it's in the least." "It kind of has. Thanks," I forced on a smile so he'd go away and leave me be.

"Alright, then. Let's get going with life, shall we?" He stood up and stretched his hand towards me.

I placed my hand on his and he pulled me up. As I stood upright, I noticed the lamp shine light passed his eyes and illuminate the ocean-blue pigment.

Just like Thomas's.

"Maybe we'll meet here again if destiny pleases. But I want you to promise me one thing. That when we do meet, I'm not going to see you like this." "Sureee," I looked away.

He tilted my face back to face him, "I want you to say it." "Okay, okay. I promise that when next we meet, you won't see me like this," I laughed softly, astonished that I wasn't creeped out by his action.

"I'll take your word for it. Alright, then. Bye," he walked out of the alley and was engulfed by the vanishing point of my perspective.

I sniffled as I stared down the path he took.

Maybe he isn't so bad after all.

...

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