Your First Murder

I tried telling myself I could make it through work the next day, I really did, but I didn't get a wink of sleep and spent the whole night panicking and thinking of possible escape plans. Around 7 AM, I knew there was no chance I'd be able to focus at work so I called in sick and headed straight to Nick's.

He opened the door bleary-eyed and not wearing a shirt. "Whaddizzit?"

I slapped a hand over my eyes, embarrassed. "Put a shirt on!"

That woke him up. He looked down then back up at me, face flaming. "Lori! What are you doing here? Don't you have work?"

He crossed his arms over his chest but it was too late. The image of Nick shirtless was seared in my brain. Sure, I saw the occasional guy without a shirt at the gym but somehow it was a lot more embarrassing when it was someone you actually knew.

"I couldn't go," I said shakily. "I needed to talk to you about…you know."

His eyes widened and he looked around to make sure none of his neighbors could hear. "Come on, sit down. I'll go find a shirt."

I sat down on the couch and played with my hair, trying to calm the nervous energy that had been bouncing around inside me since Faye's revelation about my case. When Nick came back in, he eyed me strangely.

"You do realize you're wearing cat patterned pajama pants, right?"

So I was. I hadn't bothered changing before coming over here in my panic. "At least I'm wearing a shirt," I said crisply.

"So why are you here?" he asked impatiently. I did feel kind of bad for waking him up without warning. I really hadn't thought this plan through.

"If I ran, would you come with me?" I blurted.

That wasn't what I'd meant to say but it came out anyway. I had thought about it all night and running seemed like it might be the only option. I had to get out of here before I became an actual suspect. I could change my name, dye my hair, and move somewhere completely abandoned like Wisconsin where no one would ever find me. Although the thought of dying my hair pained me because I wouldn't look like Cindy anymore.

"Where's this coming from?"

I dug my nails into my thighs, took a deep breath, and let everything out in a whoosh. "Faye's made the connection that all my victims are child abusers. She's going to get a warrant for the files at my work and she'll see that my name is connected to most of the cases and I don't have alibis and even if I do everything right I'll still be under suspicion and they'll dig deeper into everyone at VDSS and find out about my past and then they'll know it was me.

"Who else in my office could it be? I want to run before I get caught but I can't lose you and if I disappear Faye's going to be all over you with questions anyway and you'll be in danger so will you come with me?"

He ran his hands through his hair, agitated. "Of all of us, you were supposed to be safe! Now you're the closest to being found out? How on earth did she come up with that? I thought your victims weren't connected!"

"They aren't!" I wailed. "I don't know how she figured it out but they're going to come for me soon enough and I—I—can't—be—alone—again!"

I broke into hysterical sobs before finishing the sentence. After all my hard work, I was going to get caught and end up on death row. Who would help the kids then? And if I was gone, would anyone remember Cindy? I was all that was left of her in this world. If I was gone, it would be like Cindy never existed. That didn't sit right with me. Her memory deserved better.

Nick sat silently at my side, rubbing my arm in an attempt to comfort me. It was the worst kind of crying. The kind that freezes your lungs and squeezes your brain and makes it so you can't breathe because of the unending waterfalls of snot and tears. When my sobs quieted to hiccups, he finally spoke up.

"I don't want to leave Virginia. This is where my family is and where I can remember them. But if you absolutely had to go, I'd go with you. I don't want to be alone either." He stood up with determined look on his face. "We'll make sure that doesn't happen! I'll be your alibi if I have to. We're both going to make it out of this, Lori, I promise."

I looked up at him and wiped at my eyes and nose. "But how? If they look into me…they'll know about Cindy. They'll know her killer ended up dead. It won't be hard to put the pieces together, they're not completely stupid."

Nick stopped pacing and looked me right in the eye. "We'll figure it out. But to do that, you need to tell me everything about your first murder."