Chapter 2

As I paced up and down the entrance of the hotel, I wondered what people might think of my disappearance. Firstly, he called me out of the crowd, then he pulled me aside, and to top it all he followed me to the ladies room. He would be leaving in two days; and irrespective of what he might say, I would be left here to deal with my reputation. I looked around, I was all alone but I had a feeling… that creepy feeling, as if I was being watched. I held my dress carefully around my body—the wind was too fast for my silky swirl.

I immediately called Rohit and informed him about my departure. He was very concerned at first but when he found that Daksh was picking me up, he calmed down. Just before hanging up, he shocked me with a question, “Did you say something to Mr. Malani?”

“What? No?” I could hear the lie in my own voice. The urgency in my tone gave me away, or so I feared.

“Well you both disappeared for like good ten minutes and now he won’t leave the window and looks really grim,” he finished. Now I knew the source of this creepy feeling. I froze at the spot. I wanted to turn and face him or give him a finger or something but I just could not.

“Are you there?” Rohit enquired.

“Yes, yes. I am here. No Rohit, I did not say anything to him. I am not that stupid. Daksh is here, I gotta go,” I spoke hastily and disconnected the phone. Next moment a car stopped in front of me and my dear husband stepped out.

“Are you okay? What happened?” he asked finding me awry.

“Nothing. I am glad you are here,” and instantly I hugged him. Slowly he hugged me back. This hug always made me feel comforted and protected, however lately I didn’t know why, but I never found it around me.

“You sure?” he asked.

“Yes. Let’s go,” I whispered and we drove away.

*

The whole way back, I had this nagging feeling that I hugged Daksh only to show it to Shaun as if I wanted him to be jealous. The treacherous desires of my heart were taking surface. No, I cannot do this. I scolded myself. I wanted Shaun to back-off. Yes, I have a perfect marriage and I don’t want any intruder in it. But did I? Or did I just do it to get his attention? The corrupt thoughts were filling in my head when Daksh enquired.

“What happened suddenly?” He was always so caring.

“Everyone was pounding on me. They were complimenting and some men were even trying to seduce me,” I blabbered.

“What?” he was shocked.

“Yes, you won’t believe the way men were behaving tonight. It felt like I was naked or something. It made me nauseous and light-headed, so I called you,” I finished. I could see resentment on his face.

“I wish you would behave that way,” I sighed and he smiled. Seeing him smile always made my heart blossom but now it was not enough. Ever since our relationship changed, I never knew when but it just did, I have a hole in my heart. I long for his touch, his love, his intimacy and his affection. So many times, I don’t want sex or any kind of physical activity; so many times I just want him to be there, just to say the right words but...

“Well, you do look good,” he complimented again after a long pause, breaking my internal hole-hearted pity talk.

“You know out of all the compliments I have received today, that is the worst,” I complained feeling disappointed with his lack of vocal affection.

“Really?” he eyed me with his funny expressions. These expressions always made me smile.

“Yes. And I hate you for it,” I chuckled and he laughed with me. We were so comfortable with each other that we were best friends.

*

When home I called my girlfriend, Simi, and narrated the whole incidence. When I was talking to Daksh I desperately kept Shaun out, but with her, I opened up. For the whole fifteen minutes, I gave her blow-by-blow details and all she did was say, ‘aww’, ‘wow’, or ‘geez’.

“Pill before sex, quite balls he has got,” she commented.

“My sentiments, hey!” I agreed.

“Some playboy!”

“Oh, not just playboy, he is a genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist,” I quoted Avengers.

“Ooh, Iron Man.”

“Only better,” I sighed.

“Hey watch out okay. He seems like a big flirt. Good thing you bailed.” My mind and heart were not in harmony with each other… my heart wanted to run back to him but mind said otherwise. She just confirmed what was right.

“Yes, I also think so,” I heard bleak sorrow in my own voice.

“By the way, did you really feel that hot and everything around him?” she inquired and I knew she was the right person to talk about it. She was the sex-master who knew everything inside out.

“Tell me, why did I feel that? My knees buckled, I could hardly stand, my heart felt a warming ache, mouth full of saliva and a massive throb you know where,” I whispered. I was standing in my bedroom’s balcony and I feared Daksh might overhear.

“Where?” I heard the glee in Simi’s voice.

“You know, down there,” I hastily finished.

“Boy, you are married for seven years and you don’t know what ‘being horny’ is?” she exclaimed, her laughter echoed in my ears.

“I know sexual desires but I have never felt like this for any man before, well not outside television at least,” I explained. She knew my sexual fantasies for a particular Hollywood actor.

“Really? Not even for Daksh?” she asked curiously.

“No,” I replied simply.

“What kind of sex life you guys have?” she continued.

“What?” I asked alarmed.

“You were horny and this Shaun guy took you to the next level,” she pointed.

“Oh God! What do I do?”

“What else babe? You need to get laid,” she spoke finishing her diagnosis and Shaun’s face flashed in front of my eyes. The moment his seductive look came into focus I felt the strong pounding feeling down there, again.

“Please God help me.” I prayed mostly for myself.

“You don’t need God to do anything babe, you have a husband for such moments. Go and climb that man like a tree,” and she burst into laughter. I knew I have given her reasons to mock me for a lifetime, irritated, I disconnected the phone. I always told Simi everything because she was like my lifeline. We have been friends for two decades and we never hid anything from each other. Well, anything except my martyred sex life.

Hoping things to be rekindled again, and because I really... really wanted to, I stepped into the room and started to undress.

“Daksh, do you know what I was thinking we should do tonight?” I spoke in a slutty tone as I unzipped my dress. I reached slowly for him but he was already asleep.

What the fucking hell! My mind exploded. I was on call for like twenty minutes and he was snoring now... There was a time when his snoring was a lullaby to me; it gave me immense peace to watch him sleep like this but not anymore. How could someone do this every night for the past couple of months? Wasn’t unconditional sex kind of a reward of getting legally married? I kicked him as I got into bed. He woke up for a second but drifted back to sleep. In moments like these, I really wished… never mind!

My heart was pounding with anger and it took all of my strength to control the urge to drive off to Shaun and have a hot sexy night with him. I thought about anything and everything which did not concern sex however it was getting difficult. I usually thought about work as it had nothing to do with sex but now work had everything to do with it. I worked on Shaun’s account and now my every work-related thought was ending with him. I knew it was helpless so I picked up my favourite book, which revolved around mystical land and no element of romance and started reading it. As my libido got under control, all kinds of thoughts started to cross my mind. The first one to be, maybe I am not desirable. As the hole in my heart got deeper, my eyes got foggy and I slipped back under the blanket. How hideously undesirable I must be for my husband to sleep like this? I wondered. However, if that was the case then why all men in the party were crawling all over me today? Maybe I overthought it in my head. Then why did Shaun follow me to the bathroom? Maybe he was just concerned, like genuinely concerned. Yes. He was just concerned and there was nothing more. After crying my eyes out for almost an hour I concluded the same thing I did most nights – well every night these days—Yes Kaya, you are unattractive and not at all sexually desirable. If your husband rejects you and does not want you then no other man will. And just like that, I fell asleep in tears again.