Unfortunately, there is no medicine for regret

I wanted a lot of things in life.

I wanted to succeed, I wanted to make a lot of money so I could live my life however I wanted, I wanted to have a family; a wife that loves me for who I am, and maybe have a couple of children, if the thought of having kids didn't put an unimaginable amount of stress on me. But above all else, I wanted to make my parents proud.

However, the fact of the matter is, I am extremely lazy.

A difficult project that will be due in two weeks? Relax, it's two weeks away, I'm sure one week is enough to finish it. Midterm just days away? I can just cram the night before, in the meantime, let's start grinding to Diamond rank today. Stop procrastinating? Relax mother, I won't be this way when I am in university. Trust me, I'll change.

I wish I did change.

I knew, deep down, that this can't continue, that it will undoubtedly come back to bite me in the ass.

And it did.

Four years of university. Four fucking years and I don't think a single thing sticks in my head. I've grown complacent; arrogant, thinking that I could breeze through university just like I did in high school.

Truly, a slow and insidious killer.

Why did I become like this, I wonder? Was it because I never had to study to get good grades? Was it because I always ranked relatively high in class? Was it because my grades throughout three years of high school were good enough to get me into one of the best universities, without having to take the entrance exam?

Have I always been like this?

I've asked myself time and time again, yet I do not know. Or rather, I don't want to know.

Where did I go wrong?

I never did know what I wanted to do. I never put any serious thought towards my future. Does any choice I make throughout my life, my own? I felt like I was wandering aimlessly through a desert, searching for an oasis that doesn't exist.

…where am I anyway?

Is this what people call the afterlife? Though with the endless darkness that stretched beyond the horizon, I suppose calling it purgatory is much more fitting, isn't it?

Wherever I am now…

…and wherever I may end up, please, someone, anyone…

…give this wandering soul a purpose to call his own.