I Want A Life With You

I place the girl in a room on the opposite side of the castle from Kassian and me, giving her over to one of the kitchen staff for safekeeping. I'll of course have to make more permanent arrangements later, but for now, I'm utterly spent.

Lady Zervas and Lord Vasco are in separate cells of the dungeon. I finally managed to shoo away the nobles and their questions and congratulations.

Who was behind it? Was my drink poisoned as well? I think I better see a physician.

Let's see the ring, Lady Kensington!

You two are a smart match. Of course, my Clarissa would have also been a good choice for the king.

I shut the door to my rooms and lean against it for a moment, rubbing at my temples.

Managing people can be tiresome, but there's still nothing more satisfying than watching people do exactly what I say.

"You look how I feel," Kassian says from my bedroom. He sits on my bed, one foot crossed over the other.

"I had to assuage the worries of the nobles."

"You're already a fine queen." I kick off my boots, wincing as my torn feet hit the floor. Walking on my heels, I make it over to a cushioned chair and collapse.

"You're hurt."

"Nothing that a long soak in hot water won't fix."

"I'll draw you a bath." Kassian moves methodically to my washroom. I hear him fiddling with the faucets and soaps before the sound of heated water filling a basin can be heard. He pads over to me on bare feet, scooping me up in his arms and carrying me over to the tub.

"It was Zervas," I tell him when he doesn't ask. "She was working with Vasco. The girl from the club confirmed his treachery and named her as well. We've got them both in the dungeons."

When Kassian moves us to the washroom, he's careful to position me so my ass can sit on the edge of the tub, my back leaning against him, and my feet dangling in the water. I wince once the cuts on my feet make contact. The hem of my now-dirty gown soaks up the water, but I don't care. It's already ruined.

It feels so nice to wiggle my toes in the warm water, and Kassian's hands start kneading at the knots in my shoulders. I'm a little worried by his silence at my revelation, but I give him the time he needs to process everything. I don't say anything. Just let him focus on me if that's what he needs right now.

"I'm relieved that it's over," he says at last. "I really am. But I'm also done with this."

I swallow, and I'm certain Kassian must feel the sudden tension in me. "Done with what?"

I don't know what I'll do if he says me.

His hands are in my hair now, letting the strands sift through his fingers. "The whole night, I watched you from afar, save at the end, when I couldn't stand it any longer. And just now? I stayed hidden from a little girl for fear that someone would be able to touch me." He gives one shake of his head. "It doesn't matter what precautions I take. I could lock myself up in a concrete box so nothing could ever hurt me, but that's no way to live.

"Being king comes with risks. I'm willing to take those. In the end it's worth it." He looks at me now. "You are worth it, Loralie. I'm done living separately from everyone else. My parents' murderers will finally be brought to justice. But even if they weren't, I would still make this choice."

"What choice?" Is it what I am fearing?

His hand comes down to the side of my face, and he turns me, tilting my mouth upward. I draw in a startled breath, and Kassian uses that parting to place his lips around my lower lip. He licks lightly at my skin as he gently pulls upward.

Forgetting my injured feet, I stand and shove him so hard, I nearly fall over in the almost-full tub. I take the time to shut off the water before stepping out on the other side, keeping the basin between us.But it's already too late.

"What did you do?" I yell.

"I kissed you," he answers simply.

"You touched me."

He stands straight, unafraid of this fight, it would seem.

"Weren't you listening to me? I'm done with it all! I'm not my father. I'm not going to spend my life alone so I can reach a hundred. Three hundred. A millennium. I don't care about a long life anymore. I can't stand being alone for one second longer. I can't stand being apart from you for one second longer." His face falls as something occurs to him. "But if you don't feel the same way, I'm sorry I accosted you."

Water pools around me on the floor from my dress, but I ignore it. "The same way," I repeat. "How? How do you feel?"

Kassian reaches into a pocket of his dress pants and pulls out a folded parchment. "I wrote it on paper." He opens it, looks at the words, and shakes his head. "I can't read it aloud. It's for you to read. Later. Really, I just wanted to prove I could write a better one than Eliades. But I'll leave it here and go."

He turns around and places the letter on a nightstand before heading toward his room.

"Kassian Ashton, don't you dare leave me right now." He pauses and manages to find my eyes.

I feel a certain heat inside me, as if my powers are returning.

"Tell me," I say. "You don't need to read a letter. Just tell me."

He closes his hands into fists at his sides. "I want you." I wait for him to say more. When he doesn't, I say, "Surely you can do better than that."

He narrows his eyes at the challenge. "I'm done watching you flirt with other men. I'm sick of it. I don't want you kissing or touching anyone but me."

I keep a straight face as I rub one hand up my other arm.

"That's awfully selfish of you."

"You be quiet now. I'm not done talking. You wanted me to say it. So I'll say it all. Selfish or not. When I first saw you, it infuriated me that you never looked at me. Not once during that inane ball. It wasn't until I approached you that you deigned to meet my eyes. And then you insulted me. You mocked me every chance you got. You didn't bow and roll over like every other human alive. You challenged me.

"That's when I first knew I was doomed." He takes a step forward. "And then we spent all those meals together, separated by a damned table. And you told me about your dreams. About your fears. And I wanted nothing more than to grant your dreams and remove your fears."

He takes another step. "You asked to spend more time with me. It was the one thing I thought I could not give. Because if I spent more time with you, I would fall for you even harder.

This girl who didn't care that I was a king. But then you spent that evening with Kastien, and I realized the one thing worse than not having you was not having you and watching you be with someone else. So I tortured myself by spending more time with you.

And you let me talk about my mother. You helped me challenge the council. You put a stop to nearly every problem in my kingdom. You were not only perfect for me, you were perfect for Dragomir. So then I knew that marrying you was what I had to do. For the good of the kingdom. Even if it meant I would be miserable every day having you near and not having you.

But the most exquisite torture of all was the night at the gentleman's club, when I could feel your reactions to me touching you. I didn't know if it was because it was me touching you or if it was just because you hadn't been touched in a while, as you'd mentioned before.

I want a life with you, Loralie, one without the shadows between us. I want to be the dawn that you have always dreamed of. And I don't care about being vulnerable. That's what my guards are for. I'll get a poison taster. I will live as other kings do. I don't need this centuries' old gift that is really just a curse.

And even if you don't want me in return, I am still going to remove the law about people touching me. I don't want this anymore. I'm tired of living a shadowed life."

By now, Kassian's knees dig into the other side of the tub, he's so close. I can't move. I'm both terrified and desperate to believe him. To let him be what he wants to be. To marry him for real.

Because there was Jason.

But—

Kassian knows I killed Jason. He knows all my secrets, and he doesn't care. He wants me in spite of them. Because of them, even.

"Please say something," he says.

"You made this decision before the attack tonight?"He nods.

"You've wanted me … from the beginning?"

Another nod.

And I realize that if I tell him no, I'll be just as he was. Alone because I'm terrified to be vulnerable. But I can get past that, as he is now, and I can have it all.

The power.

The kingdom.

The man.

"Come here," I say, because my feet still ache slightly, and I also don't know if I can move with the way he's looking at me.

Kassian keeps his eyes on mine as he removes his gloves and lets them fall to the floor. I swallow.

Between one blink and the next he's before me. He raises one hand, cups my cheek. I lean into that touch. The one I've been craving for so long.

Then Kassian lifts me, holds me with one arm at my back and the other beneath my knees. My arms go to his neck, and I draw his face toward mine.

"I wanted to do this the very first time I saw you," I say before our lips touch.

And then I'm aflame.

There is no softness or patience to this kiss. For Kassian, it is one he has waited a whole year for. And for me, I feel as though I've waited my whole life. He stumbles slightly as he tries to veer around the tub without breaking the kiss, and I laugh against his lips before he silences me with his mouth.

I don't know how he manages not to drop me. But he makes it all the way to my bed. All while giving the utmost attention to my lips. I'm flat on my back while he holds himself above me, his mouth moving to investigate the slope of my neck.

"Promise me—" I start, and then I lose my train of thought as he finds a spot at the base of my throat and runs his teeth across it.

I put my hands on his shoulders, pushing him away for a moment, just so I can collect my thoughts. "Promise me you won't send me away because I'm the one making you mortal. Promise me you won't change your mind later and decide I'm not enough for the price of mortality."

His breathing is ragged, but he manages to focus. "I swear it, Loralie. You're not going anywhere. You're mine."

He sits back on his knees and starts unbuttoning his shirt. I follow his fingers with my eyes, watching as each inch of his beautiful skin is revealed.

I don't like being on uneven footing, so I sit up, too. He draws his shirt away from his chest and tosses it to the ground, and I understand.

I place the palm of my hand flat against his chest, and he closes his eyes. He hasn't been touched in so long. And what he wants right now—what he needs—is to be touched.

My hands do a thorough search of his chest, and then I replace them with my lips, feeling every muscle, every slope, every smooth and coarse surface.

I lay him back, climb atop him, let him feel the weight of my body. My hair slides against his cheeks as I kiss the stubble at his chin, and then I move to his neck, up to his ear, grab the lobe between my teeth and tongue.

And then, as though he can't stand it anymore, he rolls us,effectively sliding me underneath him. My dress hitches up, and one of his thighs goes between mine, nudging upward—

And then I'm gasping, but he covers the sound with his mouth.

I can't think. I can't breathe. I can't—

Kassian slows the kiss. Draws each connection of our lips out almost lazily, as if he has all the time in the world. My senses return, and I just enjoy the feel of him, the heat of him, the way his clever lips move across mine.

The Shadow King is the most patient man in the world. He kisses me for hours. He plays with me, speeding the kisses up for a time and then slowing them down, as if to see how close he can bring himself to the brink of control before calming back down.

He never takes off his pants. He never takes off my dress.

He doesn't even let his hands stray to fun places.

And I'm so terrified that he'll change his mind. That he'll send me away. That he'll decide he doesn't want me anymore —as Jason did—that I don't try to push anything. As badly as

I want him, I let him control the pace and speed at which we go.

Just for tonight. When things are new and terrifying.

Perhaps that is what he needs. To ease himself back into remembering what it is like to feel.

Maybe he is the light, the dawn that I've craved for almost my whole life.