All The "Sorry"'s I Never Said (11)

A heavy scent filled Joon-woo's nose as he, Mi Yong, Jung Hyun-Ok and Reggie walked further into the apartment. Ryeo Hyun stood listlessly at the door and watched them march further into the stench that Joon-woo recognized as a man-made mesh of grime. 

And there he was, Bo Jaesang, sitting on his couch with his thin legs pulled into his body. He wore a hood that covered his expression from the side. But from the two empty soju bottles and the half drinken one on the coffee table in front of him, Joon-woo knew he was in bad shape. Hell– there was even a broken shot glass left uncleaned and littered along the floor. Joon-woo motioned for the others' to be wary of it. 

"Hey guys." Bo Jaesang greeted bluntly. The usual hype in his voice was gone. 

Joon-woo looked around the apartment. It was about three times the size of Joon-woo's, but was also about ten times dirtier. The sink was overrun with dirty dishes and a basket of unfolded clothes sat untouched in the corner. The trashbin's lid was slightly lifted from it's closed usual as if the bag it held was overflowing. The TV played Producer10's newest episode that had come out just an hour before. 

The theme song played over a silent apartment. But instead of the usual cheery mood the theme song exuded, it was somber. Joon-woo remembered this episode would cover the end roommate introductions and the first part of the vocal challenge in teams of four. In other words, Joon-woo's team with Rank 26 and 21 would be covered here. 

Bo Jaesang patted at the medium sized couch that he currently sat alone in. 

"Let's watch this together. Don't just… stare." Bo Jaesang's voice was hoarse. 

Joon-woo took the initiative, sitting about half a foot away from Bo Jaesang. It wouldn't be counted as weird, if Joon-woo put distance because he always did it for anyone. The others', even Ryeo Hyun followed. 

The theme song played over short clicks of contestants smiling and conversing in the dorms, stage room, or in the practice rooms. They clearly cherry-picked among the clips to find the most cheerful ones. No one said a word about it. 

A clip of them, their little group, meeting up after practicing in the dorm of Joon-woo, Bo Jaesang, Jung Hyun-Ok, and Ryeo Hyun was played for a few seconds longer. They were laughing. They were laughing and they were happy. 

Joon-woo waited for someone to break the silence that engulfed the apartment. No one did. 

Joon-woo remembered the moment being played as he being made fun of for sleeping in too much again. People in a depressive episode liked distractions. People in depressive episodes needed distractions.

"You know, Hyungs," Joon-woo began, Reggie seemed a bit surprised at the casual tone Joon-woo held. "I only ever sleep in because your nagging tires me out…" 

Get the hint. Get the hint. Joon-woo begged. 

After a moment of awkward silence, Mi Yong cleared his throat. 

"It's what we're made to do, you know. It's my duty as your Hyung to annoy you." Mi Yong teased, leaning his head on Joon-woo's shoulder and slightly sending Joon-woo in Bo Jaesang's direction. 

"I've known Yong-ah for four years, he's quite the character…" Jung Hyun-Ok hummed. "When we first met it was during lunch. And the first thing he said to me was– "Hey, pretty boy!" and he placed banana milk on my tray and told me to get taller…"

Joon-woo was slightly surprised at this. Mi Yong was 5'8' and Jung Hyun-Ok bordered 6'0'. How much had Jung Hyun-Ok grown over the last few years if Mi Yong at some point was taller than him?

"But now it's the other way around?" Reggie questioned, "How tall were you a few years ago..?"

Jung Hyun-Ok hummed, "I was below average, but I grew almost a foot about three years ago when I was 18…" 

Mi Yong slightly pouted at the explanation. 

"Does that mean Joon-woo has hope? He's 18 still…" Reggie questioned, a more playful expression crossed his face. 

For once, the jabs at his height didn't really bother him. He was just happy the others' had gotten his hints. Hesitantly, as the conversation continued, Joon-woo looked to Bo Jaesang. Bo Jaesang watched the interactions with a small smile, though his eyes were puffy and red from past tears.

By now, the intro had long passed and with it– the dorm content. It was heavily focused on their respective dorms. Their interactions and the whiteboard game. Joon-woo recalled the teasing he faced with the assigned animal of a cat. 

"You gave each other fitting animals…" Reggie hummed. 

Joon-woo shook his head, "A kitten does not suit me." With those words he was slightly truthful. 

Ryeo Hyun chuckled at Joon-woo's words and Bo Jaesang cracked a high-cheek smile. 

The moments that followed were peaceful only those with narrowed vision. They talked and recalled various moments that played from the episode. The messy apartment was forgotten in the meantime and it was… calm. 

–+–

"Please take care of me." 

It was Joon-woo greeting Baek Du-Ho for the first time when they were assigned a team together. The room's atmosphere slightly shifted.

"Ah, yes we will!" 

Baek Du-Ho at the time replied. 

The camera then shifted to an interview Joon-woo had done.

"Joon-woo, do you like your team?"

A staff member asked off screen. It was then followed by Joon-woo not replying to the interviewer. Joon-woo slightly clenched his fists. They had taken Joon-woo's silence from parts of another interview… 

The episode continued, a specific emphasis was placed on Joon-woo's 'dislike' for his team whenever his team was present. His expression and uncomfortable body language were highlighted like they weren't his usual behaviors. 

Were they trying to evil edit him so people liked him less and wouldn't care as much when he didn't debut? 

"How old are you again?"

It was that time. In that recording room. Baek Du-Ho questioned Joon-woo's age.

"Uh– I'm eighteen, Sunbae."

What would follow of Joon-woo being teased for his looks in poor correlation to his age was completely cut.

"Whenever the finals come around and you debut, you will age very slowly and look young for a long time." 

Baek Du-Ho words that were originally spoken with malice, were written over as a compliment? The editors even added a 'Kind Sunbae' title over Baek Du-Ho's expression. 

They panned to Joon-woo next, captioning his blank expression as 'Indifferent Dongsaeng'. Really, didn't he look rude in this light? 

The room which had been bustling with chatter was now silenced. They all recognized the evil editing at play. Joon-woo sighed. Ryeo Hyun, who Joon-woo had confided in about the bullying he faced on the team, looked at Joon-woo with a frown.

"It really wasn't like this…" Joon-woo spoke as an effort to break the silence. 

"Yeah, the cuts are edited over nicely here… But they cut out a lot of conversation, didn't they?" Mi Yong questioned, having faced this editing many times in the industry previously.

Joon-woo nodded. He wasn't going to elaborate on what was cut out, though. If he did, he didn't know if Baek Du-Ho would be welcomed to their little group anymore…

Baek Du-Ho had a similar amount of fans to Reggie, but Joon-woo overall had more. Joon-woo wondered how Witter would react to this…

"The editors are cruel, aren't they?" Bo Jaesang spoke up for the first time that night. 

The groups tried to hide their surprise, but probably failed. 

"Yeah." Joon-woo replied, "Aren't they?"