A Great King

"Where have you been?"

Charles' hard voice cuts through the silence and I can see that his eyes are burning. And not with passion as they usually do when they rest upon me. Perhaps tonight it is fury or jealousy but during our months together I have learned how to make him soften.

"I beg your pardon Your Majesty", I murmur as my hands remove his shirt.

When he is sitting on the bed and I am standing between his legs, my robe comes off and I can see the transformation in his face. Carefully, he takes some of the garment in his hand.

"You were so beautiful and frightened that night", he sighs.

As he kiss me the passion spreads inside of me like a wildfire. For the first time in a long time, when I am exposed to the flesh, I feel comfortable in my own skin. For the first time since my child stopped growing, I want Charles desperately. Something has awoken inside me and he is the one who can quench my yearning.

"May I ask you something?"

I am still laying on top of him, resting my head on his hard yet somehow soft torso, listening to his steady heartbeat that has just begun to slow down.

"Of course my love", he almost vispers.

"What are your plans for France?"

His hand stops stroking my hair and suddenly it's his public voice I hear.

"What have you heard?"

"Only gossip, some talk here and there around court."

"I did not expect you to listen to gossip."

I kiss his chest and take his hand in mine.

"I cannot turn off my ears. I'm asking you because I want the truth."

"Since when are you interested in my royal duties?"

For the first time I raise my head, look him in the eye and repeat what Edmund told me.

"Since I heard you might lead the army yourself."

The image of Charles storming the French troops makes my stomach turn. Could Edmund be right about this, could he really be preparing for war?

"Is it true?" I whisper so quietly I almost can't hear it myself.

The silence seems to go on for an eternity before Charles speaks again. He kiss my hand and this time his voice is back to his private one, but also thick with emotion.

"There may or may not be a war. For now I do not know what will happen." He clears his throat and when he speaks again his voice is much louder. "I must make big and difficult decisions. That is part of being a great King."

I have never seen Charles vulnerable before. I have never seen any man vulnerable before. I have not been taught how to react in this kind of situation so I use the only weapons I know Charles cannot resist. When our tongues meet I feel the need for him once more.

"And a great King you most certainly are."

He grabs my shoulders, flips me over and does not stop until I am screaming out in pleasure. However, when I leave Charles' chambers the following morning I somehow still feel restless and strangely enough unfulfilled. What is it that I want which he cannot give me anymore? I do not feel calm in his presence like I used to. I am merely agitated and want him to take me with a kind of violence I have not appreciated before. I am scared I might be dependent on pain. Perhaps I deserve to hurt.