Chapter – 174 - A Memory Of Home

Rihanna had long lost the essence of time as she wandered around within the contract space.

Every energy space was separated by a thin membranous barrier. Though she couldn't enter through these barriers, even from outside, she could feel the familiarity of each energy mass. Fluffy, Phantasm, Palatun, Artreya, Apu, and the gigantic semi-conscious energy mass of Little Purple. She could sense the vibrancy of each of her contracted partner, their rise and fall of emotions, their powers slowly churning within these formless clouds, and the connection each of them shared with her.

After wandering about endlessly and not able to figure out how to leave this space, Rihanna finally sat down in the dark space within which these contracts were being contained.

She could neither sense any direction nor any ground or air inside this space. This felt like the real space which existed in the universe, a vast spread of vacuum where she was just a point floating in the oblivion.

Having nothing to do, Rihanna decided to close her eyes and focus on her own self.

She tried to sense her own body, but surprisingly she could neither feel her body nor her spiritual energy. She could sense the energies of her contracted beings, yet couldn't connect with them directly. The more she tried, the more she felt the barrier hindering her from connecting to anything outside her current self.

Unwilling to give in, she kept on trying to penetrate through this invisible barrier.

And like before, a sharp pain tore through her being, making her mind go blank once more. The only thing she could think before darkness descended all around her was 'This is not good!'

Time passed unconditionally. When Rihanna finally felt her self awakening, she felt as if she was floating in a vast ocean full of gentle waves. Gradually the waves dispersed, and she felt her floating self catching on to the force of gravity as he entire body was being sucked downwards, and she landed on hard ground on her butt.

Blinking through the blankness pervading her mind and surrounding, she tried to focus on where she was. As the dim light slowly grew brighter, and the surroundings grew sharper, Rihanna drew in a shaky breath.

Wasn't this her old home back on earth? Had she somehow returned back to her planet? Had all of what she had experienced just been a very long dream?! But why was her heart unwilling to accept this situation?

Rihanna blinked. Then she blinked again, staring at the vine covered wrought iron garden gate, arching high above her fallen body. The sparkling bunches of red and white flowers frolicked in the light breeze.

Was this reality?! How else could she feel the slight chill in the evening breeze as it caressed her cheeks? How could she smell the scent of early winter dew on the green grass? How could she hear the sound of siren from the nearby factory, indicating the end of the day's work hours?!

Rihanna scrambled up to her feet, looking around to take in all sights and sounds and smell, trying to discern if she was really back, or if it was just another figment of her imagination.

She walked slowly over the rectangular terracotta tiles paving the narrow but neat path through the garden to the terracotta brick porch at the backside of her house. The narrow and short steps leading up to the porch were slightly damp from the evening dew as she climbed up.

The cane chairs, glass covered wrought iron table, flowers blooming inside porcelain and glass vases, tea cups holding steaming tea, plates filled with sweet and savory evening snacks, handcrafted masks and wall-hangings adorning the walls on both sides of the back-door - everything seemed so fresh and new and surreal!

Her eyes paused over the steaming cups of tea, wondering why the tea was sitting outside, growing cold and no one had come out to enjoy their tea-time snacks. Taking a deep breath to push down the unfamiliar discomfort rising within her, she stepped over the threshold and entered the house.

Her house. The house where she used to live with her parents, siblings and grandparents. The house where she was born, where she grew up. The house where all her memories were preserved - the ups and downs of her life, the mischief she caused, the stupid mistakes she had made, her every dream and despair was recorded in the walls of this house.

She walked over to the long dining table, the sun coming in through the large French-windows reflecting on the polished wood. Going down the three small steps separating the dining area from the living room, she carefully placed her hands on the thick brocade covering the sofa.

Her fingers touched the detailed embroidery of the cloth, reveling in the slight roughness of the gold and silver threads over the thick silk cloth base. The smoothness of the polished wooden folding chairs, the cold sensation of marble from the coffee table. Rihanna paused again.

Everything was exactly as she remembered. Except one thing...

Why was there no sound of people inside the house? Where had everyone gone to?!

Unsure whether to follow her mind or not, Rihanna paused in her steps. She felt scared. But thinking about it and not doing anything was not her style. Moreover, it did not look like she could do much. Nothing seemed to be in her control. So she might as well try to figure out what was going on.

She wandered around the house. Every corner of every room spoke of people. The kitchen counters laden with food, pots of soup and curry bubbling away on the stoves, aroma of perfumes hanging in the air in the bedrooms, the tussled bed-sheets after a good night's sleep, the dripping water from the lazily closed taps, the fogged up shower-room glass.

Yet not even an ant was in sight. Feeling too claustrophobic, Rihanna stepped out of the house onto the narrow road before her house.

Like all small towns, this town too was designed with smaller roads going off from the main roads, bordered on both sides with large and small bungalows. Cars which could not be kept within the garage, were lined up on both sides of the road, making the road narrower than it actually was.

Closing the gate of her house behind her, she walked through the lifeless city. Every car was clean and shining brightly in the sun, even the specks of dust covering the footpaths and leaves on the tall trees were clearly visible.

It felt like everything was exactly as it was supposed to be.

Just.....all forms of humans and beasts and birds and insects had ceased to exist!!

But the trees and flowers and plants were here! Then did her mind not perceive them as living? Or did she just have a thing against humans and birds and animals and insects?!

Roaming around, she could now well sense that this couldn't be anything more than her own imagination. Or maybe a memory which had selectively wiped something's out?!

No matter what, it was increasing the deep feel of discomfort and anxiety within her. Like everyone had ceased to exist and she had somehow survived doomsday. The last and only living creature in this entire town....or maybe on this entire planet?!

After roaming around the entire neighborhood, and a few other neighborhoods in the vicinity, Rihanna decided to return back to her house first. The anxiety was messing her mind, making her feel paranoid. And she didn't want to lose her mind while still being inside her own imagination.

Walking through the empty house, she found herself back on the porch. Staring at the cups of tea still steaming after such a long time, she let out a deep, depressed sigh, then sat down. Since the tea was still hot, she might as well enjoy it. If life was planning on throwing lemons at her, she might as well collect all of them and put up an exhibition! An exhibition of all the lemons she had collected as her lifetime achievement!

Picking up the cup of steaming tea, she lifted it to her nose and took a deep breath. The thick scent of ginger and cloves hit her nose, instantly calming her chaotic nerves. A steady calmness flowed through her mind, gently pushing out all the stress and anxiety she had built up during the walk through the town.

She took a long sip, making a slurping sound, just the sound she liked to make when she sipped her tea. Not that there was anyone around to reprimand her unsophisticated way of drinking tea!

She sipped again and again, slowly savoring the hit of pungent ginger mellowed by the swirling sweetness of sugar and thickness of milk. Just the way she liked her tea! Unconsciously, a smile slowly formed at the corner of her mouth, and her lips kept turning upwards, till she was laughing like an idiot.

She truly was an idiot. She lived in her own world of expectations. Instead of living in the world as it was, she built up a world based on her fears and desires, and then lived from the anxiety, frustration, panic and depression when these desires faltered or the fears found a base.

Taking another deep breath filled with the strong aroma of ginger tea, she looked up to see the sky.

What was wrong with this world of her imagination. As long as she remembered that it was her imagination, could she not simply pause and enjoy the finesse of her memories? So what if there were no living beings? Perhaps it was better this way. It kept her mind grounded, reminding her that this was only another figment of her imagination.....not the real world she had come from.

This was like a shred of memory her imagination had picked up from within her mind, and then added in innumerable details using her sensory memories of touch, feel, smell, sight, sounds, etc. Once she got used to this idea of being the only one within this memory, just sitting here and sipping tea and tasting the familiar snacks of her world, it filled her being with a great comfort and a sense of belonging.

Who said that the memory of a person is only in their voice, touch and image of what they looked like. This very cup of tea, plate of snacks, the stalks of colorful gladioli leaning against the vases....everything was a touch of memory of the people who lived in this house. So even if she could not see or hear them.....she could forever enjoy this sense of being close to them through these little things which reflected their being here.....at some point....in another life.

A thread of tear broke free from the corners of her eyes even as the smile turned a bit sorrowful. For a long time she had felt neither here and nor there. Even now, when she had started accepting this world and was trying to figure out her place in this completely new way of life, she still missed the easy sense of belonging which she had always had back on earth.

Now her mind had created a space for her.....a space which was just her own. A space where she could come and feel the bliss of being back in her own home, enjoy the sense of being with her past loved ones, and yet not be overwhelmed by the memories overtaking her reality.

Rihanna took a deep breath, sensing some knots coming loose within her mind and soul. The slightly chilly breeze of dusk made her shiver, as she sat back against the cushions of the chair, enjoying the slow fading light of the setting sun.

Within this space she felt an utter calm descend on her soul, and as she closed her eyes, the very familiar darkness descended once more, obliterating the surroundings into a blankness.