Epilogue

Gregory Black died on September 15th, a few days after he got readmitted to the hospital. Three days before his death, I gave him another movie compilation, although of course the material was different from what I'd given to his son.

With Ryder's encouragement, I compiled scenes from movies that feature a jerk with the heart of gold as a main character, because that was what Mr. Black's vibe to me. He was brash and rude and his choice of word was designed to hurt, and yet he was a good man, and not even his worst fit of rage could take that away.

Mr. Black smiled after he finished the film, but since he was weak and he always lost consciousness every few seconds, we had to repeat the movie compilation a few times before he got all of it. Ryder was rubbing the area in between his eyes the whole time we viewed my film. It was his way of saying that this whole thing was emotionally killing him.

When he died, it was at four in the morning and nobody was awake to witness it. I called that a favor that he did for his family.

The death of his father of course took a big toll on Ryder. He had never been one to smile a lot, but right now, he just stopped trying. Sometimes, he would look like he forget that he had a dead family member, but then it only lasted for a minute, and then the memories washed over him again, giving him a jaded look on his face and a permanent scowl on his mouth.

It had become my daily mission to make him happy. A smile a day, that was my new pep talk whenever I woke up in the morning. A smile a day for Ryder, and then I could sleep without worry.

Today, however, even though I did myself a longer pep-talk than the usual and even though I got to eat every C-lettered food that I could imagine, I still didn't have the energy to make Ryder smile.

Because today was the day Ryder would move out from the house.

The rubbish from Mr. Black's funeral were still piling up at the backyard of the house. Initially, I didn't like having to visit Ryder in the house where a dead person had just been celebrated, but my mom insisted that it would be a good gesture and that I would alleviate a bit of Ryder's pain if I go, so here I was. Mrs. Black was still in her room, and I could hear the faint sound of a woman sobbing inside. I guess that years of fighting with her husband hadn't dampened her love for him.

It was something that I couldn't understand, but I just dismissed it as an NT (neurotypical; a person who's not autistic) thing.

Ryder was right beside me, his eyes were a little puffy and I surmised that he'd spent the night crying too. And yet he didn't let even a single tear drop whenever he was around me. He was bringing around a broom and a black plastic bag for all the trash.

"Sometimes I think that people go to the funeral as an excuse to have a reunion," he mused, his hand full of cookie crumbs and tattered tissue.

"It's pretty sad that someone has to die for other people to start meeting again," I added.

A lot of Ryder's relatives came at the funeral. Ryder never mentioned any of the relatives, and a lot of them didn't look like they're close at one another (at one point, I even got suspicious if any of them ever met aside from when attending the deaths of their family members). I always had a hard time concentrating when other people talked about things that were not in my interest, but these people took ADHD to the next level with their inability to stay away from their phones, even when Ryder had been reading the eulogy. Later on, Ryder just said that as a family, they weren't close at all. And that the only person worth loving in the big Black family was his grandmother.

I guess that must have been ironic, to not be close to your family at all.

At the middle of our cleaning, someone rang the doorbell. Ryder went to open the door and I trailed him from behind.

Alex was in front of the door, in the same fashion like he had done when he was in front of my front door.

Of course, Alex's presence here didn't elicit any friendliness to Ryder.

"What do you want?"

"Heard you're moving. And I'm sorry about your father." Alex said, unfazed by the fact that Ryder was eyeing him up and down, and not in a lascivious way.

"Yeah? You're not welcome here," Ryder's fingers curled against the door, ready to slam it, but Alex held onto it. Alex gingerly touched on his nose, which was a little crooked. Ryder did this to him, because Alex made a mistake of looking for us that day (chapter 26), when Ryder was still not completely depleted of his fury.

"I'm just here to say goodbye. I even bring a gift," and to prove this, Alex raised his other hand, which held a wrapped small box. "Look, so I'm sorry that I took April to your fight. I didn't mean any of that to happen. I mean, I had my suspicions, but I didn't know for sure that she has autism."

"I never told you that she has autism," Ryder said.

"It was just a guess, but I think I hit the right spot," Alex said as he looked at me. I squirmed under his scrutiny. It was the first time anyone could ever guess on what was wrong with me without the aid of any hint. I still hadn't decided on what to feel about that.

"It's ok. It's forgiven," I said to Alex, even though my whole body was behind Ryder's. I held onto his shirt as I continued. "I mean, it's partly because of you that we didn't break up. I guess by being a damsel in distress, I triggered Ryder's affection to me again. Did you know that we were on a fight that day?"

"April, remember what I said about TMI," Ryder hissed at me.

There was a smile on Alex's voice. "Yeah, that's me. I bring love everywhere I go. Anyway, dude, truce?" he offered Ryder the gift. "It's an iPod, by the way."

Ryder snatched it from Alex rather brusquely. "Fine. But it's not because you give me an iPod."

There was a huge grin playing at Alex's face, he was obviously proud that he was able to make Ryder change his mind. "That's my man. It's ok if you want to return it, I've given you the receipt there, too, in case you need the return money."

Ryder didn't share his smile. "So when do you plan to get the fuck away from my porch?"

I was told that this kind of behavior was rude and could entice resentment from other people, but Alex didn't show any resentment. If anything, his face was amused. "I'm just about to go. By the way, where are you moving?"

"Greenville."

"We'll be seeing each other more, then. I go to Greenville's University of Arts."

"Unfortunately, you forget that I never want to see you again."

"Ryder, you started this whole pot business (remember chapter 10) because of me. The money that you got from streetfighting also came from me. You have to admit that I'm a good businessman, just like I admit that you're a good worker for me." Alex hit Ryder lightly on the shoulder, and Ryder flinched a bit as he made a fighting stance. "We're made for each other, man. And you may say that you've changed for this girl," -he stole a glance at me, and even though he was smiling, there was something sinister with the way his lips curved- "but you're never going to change. You're always going to be this... messy guy... who wouldn't fit in in any kind of society, unless the ones that I make."

"Go to hell," Ryder said. "And stop leering at April."

Alex said his goodbye salute to both me and Ryder, before then he walked up to his Lexus. When his car sped up, he honked thrice, prompting Ryder to grab the nearest peeblee to throw towards Alex's car direction.

There was no damage done, but I just knew that Alex would be laughing as he drove away.

"Shall I be jealous of him?" I asked Ryder. "I mean, he seems pretty fixated to you."

Ryder rolled his eyes. "Seriously, April..." I stared at him, and then, as I had just remembered about it, put on my 'mischievous face'. Ryder caught on fast, particularly because I never bothered to make a facial expression at normal times. "Is that a joke?"

"I'm trying to be a little bit possessive," I said. "Does it work?"

Ryder didn't need to say it, because his whole expression was his answer.

"If I were a little bit possessive, and a little bit more showy in the way I show my affection, will you stay here and not move to Greenville?"

"April, don't make this hard for me."

"I just really hate change," I said. "It was hard when I started having feelings for you. It was a massive change. And now you're going to leave, and it's another change for me."

"But then, as we've established earlier, you're much better at expressing yourself through chat messages," Ryder said. "I still remember your chat from last night when you were comparing me to Brad Pitt from Troy. Shall I recite it?"

I was too stumped to reply and could manage to muster my energy to shake my head. Ryder smiled, and then drew closer to plant a kiss on my forehead. "Nothing's going to change, Kitten. I love you, and we'll try to make it work. We always do."

I had hoped that after hearing him say 'I love you' to me so many times I would get used to it, but the same pounding effect still persisted. I still caught my breath when he said the L word, I was still seconds away from another panic attack whenever I attempted to say it in person.

"Y-Yeah," I struggled to get that out. "Yeah."

"Are you breathless because of the 'I love you' thingy?" Ryder teased. "Again?"

I tilted my head as another 'yeah' came out.

"I will never know how to quit you," Ryder's voice dropped into mere whisper, and then closed the distance between us to kiss me. It was a good thing that I called it, because now I had braced myself for the influx of feelings that washed over me. Ryder's lips were soft and warm, and they moved against mine in a familiar and yet unpredictable touch. Before I knew it, he had already pulled me up into an embrace, my feet up in the air as I held onto his shoulders tight.

"Please don't let me fall, please don't let me fall." I wanted to say the third 'please don't let me fall', but Ryder bit on my bottom lip gently.

"Of course, dummy. Now wrap your legs around me."

Ryder walked, with my whole body's fate depended on the strenght of his arms. I didn't know how he managed to walk and held me tight and made sure that I didn't fall and can still kiss like that. I tried to think about how I actually became taller in this position, and my whole head seemed to almost shut down because overcapacity.

"Don't think of anything," Ryder mumbled to my mouth. "Just focus on the way I make you feel."

"Then I'm going to die of heart attack."

He smirked. "Then that means I'm doing this right."

We arrived at his bedroom, and he flopped me onto his bed. I thought that I could have a moment of proper breathing, but then Ryder climbed on top of me and resumed kissing me. His hands roamed all over me, caressing slowly, gently, and I ran my hand on his back, feeling his muscles contracted under my touch.

I wanted to say a lot of things, but at the same time, I didn't want his lips to leave mine. Countless thoughts kept flitting over me, and yet I kept forgetting it because Ryder's hands and mouth distracted me too much. When we finally stopped kissing, his lips went to the side of my neck and he sucked onto the skin.

"What are you doing?!" he had never done this to me before, and I wasn't prepared for the amount of stress/passion/whatever-the-hell-is-this-that made a stampede inside my chest.

He didn't answer, and then his mouth travelled lower and lower, until it reached the swell of my breasts. He stopped for a while, and then he glanced at me.

I could only blink at him.

He pressed his lips there, on my right boob, lightly, but even though there was my bra and there was my shirt, I squirmed and trembled.

"Too much?" he asked.

I was still half-awake because of the sensation that was on my chest. "Too much." I tried to steady my heartbeat before I asked him. "Are we having sex now? Two hours before you leaving?"

This time, it was Ryder who blushed tomato red. "Really?"

"I don't know," I said. "I mean. I think- I don't know."

"Too soon?"

I nodded. "Too soon. I can't... If you ask me what is two plus two, I wouldn't know the answer."

"What is two plus two?"

"Four."

Ryder kissed me on the forehead. "You're still smart."

"That's because you're asking when you're not kissing me like that. If I were in the previous situation, I wouldn't have known anything. I feel like the stupidest person in the world. My knowledge just evaporates with your every kiss and touch. It's horrifying."

"You silly," Ryder's face thankfully went from my boobs to above me again. "You're just aroused."

I could only shake my head. "It's nothing like what your erotica books have described. I feel like I could be exploding any moment."

"No, you're not," Ryder said, and then he lied on his side and hugged me from behind. "You're just going to be fine. Now stop wriggling like that. I'm trying my best to not corrupt you even more."

"But what if there are other girls in Greenville? Girls that are prettier and better than me?"

"No one is prettier or better than you."

"Even Princess Leia?"

"Now," I could feel Ryder smiling on my neck. "If you put up your hair into two buns like that, you might be in the same par with her."

"I will try that," I said.

"Good."

We stayed on his bed just like that, no words exchanged, until finally Mrs. Black called for his son because they had to drive to Greenville now. Ryder ignored her the first five calls and still held me like that, before then I realized that he wasn't deliberately ignoring his mother, he was just holding back his tears.

"Ryder," I looked at him. "Do you miss him?"

He closed his eyes and only nodded.

I stared at him, at his pained face, at his apparent struggle to make himself look strong in every single waking moment. But now I thoroughly understood why he needed to go. Ryder needed a fresh start, turn over a new leaf. He needed to stop worrying about money and his family.He needed to go away from the place where most of his best and worst memories were being made.

He needed a break.

"My mother says that people who die from cancer have a special place in heaven," I said. "In that place, they will be happy and healthy and a lot of them suddenly develop musical ability to play harps. They will also have wings."

Ryder's mouth curved up into a slight smile. "Since when do you become good at this?"

"Since you need me to be good at this."

We stayed on the bed until thirty minutes and thirty five seconds later, just hugging and me letting him bury his face to my shoulder. Mrs. Black finally barged into the room and upon seeing us, she excused herself. There was no turning back now, from thereon. I helped Ryder get up and load his luggages to the car. Mrs. Black was already waiting, her eyes still puffy and when she smiled at me, even I knew that she did it out of obligation and nothing else. I knew, because often I needed to fake a smile, too.

Just before Ryder got into the car to drive, he gave me another hug.

"I'll call you after I get there," he said. "It's just a three hour drive."

"It's not that far, when you think about it," I mumbled as I took in his smell and the way his body felt. "I mean, it's just the distance of one and a half movie."

"Or two movies, if they're short."

"Yeah," I was glad that he could chip in to my obsession with movies.

"I'll still go to the same school until junior year ends. I just won't be able to hang out as long as before. It won't be that much of a change."

I nodded, and then we kissed again, before he finally drove away.

I stared at the road long after the car dissappeared, the void inside my chest not filing up and yet I felt hopeful for the future.

"April, 'Community' is starting now, you watching or what?" Quentin screamed from inside my house.

"Coming!" I said as I jogged back home.

I might not be the kind of girl who Ryder usually preferred (He usually liked them older), and he might not be good to my safe little world (I usually liked fictional characters more), but we were right for each other. Things may change, people might die, and my favorite TV series might be cancelled, but if there was one thing that would not change in my life, then it would be what I have with Ryder Black, the boy who used to live in my bedroom. It was beautiful, it was scary, and yet it was the best thing that ever happened to me.