Life's Dearest Desire

'My life's dearest desire?' She fell into deep thought, the pen between her lips. Then drawing a deep breath, she gave a wan smile, 'Hard to say...'

'Why is it hard?' Javeria asked her.

'Because I desire so many things, and each one of them is so important for me,' she replied, shaking her head.

They were both sitting at the farther end of the auditorium, their backs to the wall. It was their eighth day at the intermediate classes and they spent their free period there. Nibbling salted peanuts one by one, Javeria repeated her question. 'What's your life's dearest wish, Imama?'

Imama looked at her with some surprise and pondered over the question. Then parrying the question with a demand, she said, 'You tell me first what you desire most.'

'I asked you first, so you should reply first,' retorted Javeria.

'Very well...let me think,' Imama conceded defeat. 'My life's dearest desire...' she mumbled to herself.

'Well, one wish is to live long...very long,' she said.

'Why?' laughed Javeria.

'Fifty or sixty years are too short for me. One should live to be at least a hundred. And then there is so much I wish to do. Should I die early, all my wishes would remain unfulfilled.' She popped a peanut into her mouth.

'What else?' said Javeria.

'I want to be the most outstanding doctor in the country-the best eye specialist, so that when the history of eye surgery in Pakistan is compiled, my name will be at the very top of the list.' She looked up with a smile.

'And what if you cannot become a doctor? After all, that depends both on merit and luck,' Javeria stated.

'That is out of the question. I am working so hard to make it to the merit list. Besides my parents can afford to send me abroad if I don't get into a medical college here.'

'But still, what if you cannot be a doctor?'

'That's impossible. It's my life's dearest desire: I can sacrifice everything for it. This has been my lifelong dream, and how can one just ignore or forget one's dreams? Impossible!' Imama shook her head decisively as she picked another peanut off her palm and nibbled on it. "Nothing is impossible in life-anything can happen at any time.

Suppose your wish does not come true, how would you react?

'Imama fell into thought again. To begin with, I'll weep a lot...a great deal...for many days-and then I'll die.'

Javeria burst out laughing. 'You just said you wanted a very long life, and now you want to die.'

'Obviously. What's the point of living then? All my plans are built around my career in medicine and if that is not to be a part of my life, then what remains?'

'So you mean this one dream of your life will wipe out all other dreams?'

'Yes, think of it that way.'

'Your most important desire is to be a doctor, not to live long?'

'You could say so.' 'Very well--so, if you can't become a doctor, then how would you choose to die? Would you choose: suicide or a natural death?'

'A natural death of course. I can't kill myself,' Imama replied casually.

'And if you do not die naturally, then what? I mean, if you do not die soon, despite not being a doctor, you would go on living.'

'No. I know that I'll die very soon if I can' t be a doctor. I will be so heart-broken that I will not survive,' she replied decisively.

'It is difficult to believe that a cheerful person like you can be so despairing as to cry yourself to death. And that too just because you were unable to pursue a medical career. Sounds funny,' mocked Javeria.

'Stop talking about me. Tell me about yourself. What is your heart's greatest desire?' Imama changed the subject.

'Let it go...'

Why let it go? Come on tell me...'

'You will be offended if I say it.' Javeria spoke hesitatingly. Imama turned around in surprise to look at her.

'Why would I be offended?'

Javeria was quiet.

What is it that I will mind?' Imama repeated her question.

'You will...' Javeria murmured.

'Why should your life's greatest wish so affect my life that I would get upset?' Imama was quite irritated. Is it your wish that I not become a doctor?' Imama seemed to suddenly remember.

'Oh, no!" laughed Javeria. There is more to life than being a doctor, she stated philosophically.

'Stop talking in riddles and answer me,' Imama said firmly. I promise I will not mind anything you say.' She held out her hand in a gesture of peace.

'Regardless of your promise you are going to be very angry when you hear what I have to say. Let's talk of something else,' Javeria replied.

'All right-let me guess. Your decision is linked to something of great value to me, right?" queried Imama after a thoughtful pause. Javeria nodded her head.

'The question is: what is so important to me that I should...' she stopped in mid- sentence. 'But unless I know the nature of your wish, I cannot come to a conclusion. Javeria, tell me please. The suspense is too much for me,' she pleaded.

Javeria was lost in thought. Imama studied her face. Javeria looked up at her after a while.

'Other than my career, there is only one thing I value most in my life,'

Imama addressed her, 'and if you want to say something in that context, then say so. I won't mind.' Imama was serious.

Javeria was taken aback. Imama was looking at the ring on her hand. A smile crossed Javeria's face.

'My life's dearest wish is that you....' Javeria revealed her thoughts.

Imama's face went white with shock. Javeria could not guess the impact her words had on Imama, but the expression on her face showed that the reaction was much more intense than she had expected.

'I did tell you that you would be offended,' Javeria tried to redeem the situation, but Imama stared back without a word.