Morning Confession
The old man Em Jay sat at his sleek, modern desk, the first light of dawn filtering through the window. The city outside was slowly coming to life, but his small apartment felt eerily quiet. He opened his laptop, seeking the solace of his blog, where he could pour out his thoughts and find some semblance of comfort. His fingers hovered over the keyboard before he began to type.
Greeting to all my readers,
At my age, being in the situation of having so little money is nothing new. Yet, again and again, I can't chase the uneasiness. With a refrigerator that has nothing left except ice cubes, and dry sundries emptied weeks ago, the feeling of being so down is really heavy. Some time ago, I heard someone said, something that happens repeatedly in life will make us immune to it. Could it be true? Yes, in a certain way, I am immune to it, because I can write it here. I am not so depressed, although the worries are still lingering.
The old man Em Jay paused, his stomach growling. He hadn't eaten anything since last night. He felt lost, unsure of whom to ask for help. He was a man who very seldom asked for money, not because of ego, but because he knew others also had their priorities.
Why do I confess here? Am I asking for charity? Am I asking for sympathy? Empathy? Not my intention. It is a way for me to retain my sanity. It is a way to be human. Yes, it is normal for humans to face difficulties. In my opinion, troubles, problems, difficulties, or anything in the same category, are part of one's journey.
The old man Em Jay leaned back in his chair, feeling the rush of helplessness. The sadness of being without a shoulder to lean on made him feel so unwanted.
My dear readers, there is no advice I can offer. Just sharing what is happening. Sharing the experience of living to such an age. When things are bad, I used to tell myself to be ready for the worst. Long ago, when my little business didn't have enough cash to cover overheads, the worst was that I could lose the business and end up in debt. Then, my strength to look for solutions doubled. Maybe because my mind was ready to accept the worst. So, when we are down, don't get carried away too far. Be ready to accept the worst. It's a way to bounce.
The old man Em Jay paused again, staring at the blinking cursor. He asked himself, what is the worst that could happen now? Death?
He sighed, feeling the weight of his thoughts pressing down on him. The room around him was filled with familiar objects that offered little comfort in this moment of despair.
Maybe the worst isn't death, but living without purpose, without connection. The worst is feeling like you don't matter, like your struggles and triumphs are insignificant.
The old man Em Jay took a deep breath, trying to steady his racing heart. He looked at the photos on his desk, images of his children and grandchildren. They were his anchor, his reason for holding on.
To all my readers, I share these thoughts not to burden you, but to remind myself that I am still here, still fighting. Life has its ups and downs, and sometimes the downs seem overwhelming. But we push through, because that's what humans do. We endure, we hope, and we keep moving forward.
Wishing you all strength in your own journeys,
The old man Em Jay
He saved the entry and posted it to his blog. As he did, a tear slipped down his cheek. He wasn't sure if it was for the life he had lived or the one he was struggling to maintain. But there was a sense of peace in knowing he had shared his truth, that he had reached out to others in the darkness.
The old man Em Jay leaned back in his chair, closing his eyes. The city outside continued its morning routine, a reminder that life went on, that struggles were just a part of the larger tapestry. And with that thought, he let the quiet embrace of the morning envelop him, finding solace in the connection he had forged through his words.