The love you never gave

Strong lights could be seen in the distance, and a smell of smoke had invaded my nostrils, drowning me a little. I stopped for a while to cover my wings better, before continuing on the path that would lead us to the village from where the lights could be seen.

We were both walking in silence now, keeping as much distance as possible between us, being a little embarrassed by our earlier moment. I was a little frustrated that I had let my guard down so much around him. Maybe I didn't consider him exactly a threat to me anymore, but it was hard for me to forget who he was. After all, the past does not heal with a word, and our future will be like the past.

The smoke grew more intense as we approached the village. Soon, I could see his source. Whole houses were on fire, and the people gathered in the middle of the road were stirring frantically, screaming at each other. Some of them were covered in blood, but it was hard to tell if the blood belonged to them or not.

I hesitated a bit to move forward, taking a step back, not understanding exactly what was happening.

"Nightwalkers?" I asked.

"I don't think so", Zaras's answer came as confusing as my question. He had no idea what was going on in front of our eyes.

I didn't want to go any further, I was a little afraid that people might see beyond the mantle that covered my angelic nature, and that could degenerate into a wild situation, where victims would surely appear. I didn't want to hurt anyone. I didn't want to hurt people, but the nightwalker's hand was faster than my thoughts and, catching me, he pulled me after him in the smoke that unfolded before us.

I did not protest, I let myself be driven by his impulse towards the people panicked by chaos. Convinced and firm, he approached one of them and asked in the hope of finding out what had happened.

"What the hell happened here?"

The man jumped back as if burned, collapsing in the mud behind him, scared to find out where the voice behind the question had come from.

"Please don't kill me", he defended himself with his hands from the Zaras' fixed stare.

"I'm not killing you, idiot. I just want to know what happened." The nightwalker seemed a little irritated, but also alert as if he felt that the danger there was greater than we expected. I moved my gaze sometimes to the man on the ground, sometimes to the horizon, sometimes to the flames that seemed to rise to the sky, as if hell had moved there. People around him continued to flee in all directions, hoping to get away from anything that might hurt them.

"He began to change. He was no longer human. He was no longer human; I am telling you." His voice trembled as he told us what we wanted to know. He was more than afraid. He was terrified. "The sickness is here," the man continued while crawling slowly backward.

"What sickness?" Zaras did not seem to back down with the questions. He was determined to clear up the things that were hidden behind that village. I was just listening, silent.

"He ate the angel… We told him that he shouldn't, but he still did."

Still, other people didn't pay attention to us. We were like ghosts that only the frightened man could see and interact with. People who consume angels. Of course. This is exactly what was missing from the landscape of the last few days.

"And what does that have to do with the disease you're talking about?" He could barely finish his question, as in front of us fell from the sky the body of a man torn in two. We both jumped back in surprise and suddenly turned back in the direction from which the corpse had seemed to fly.

A house on fire.

But then I saw.

Among the flames that had engulfed it, the figure of a creature had begun to take shape. A figure that made my spine shiver.

The most terrifying part?

Behind the creature, wings had begun to grow, but wings like I had never seen before. They were not angel ones; they were not even as I would have imagined the wings of a demon. It was as if they were made of decaying flesh, with pieces falling from them as other parts grew.

A sharp scream made all people freeze in place and turn their eyes to the monster that is created in the flames of a hell on earth. The creature continued to scream as if the transformation was beginning to hurt, his bones deforming every second, his hands beginning to resemble a skeleton, extending into claws. His face was mutilated by the mutation he was going through, acquiring grotesque features.

There is a word that people seem to use every time they encounter a situation that does not suit them very well. I think that word is "Fuck".

"Do you think this is the disease the man was talking about?" The nightwalker whispered in my ear. A hint of amusement loomed in his voice.

I had never seen anything like that. In fact, I hadn't even heard rumors that there was a disease that was spreading among humans. Yes, there were people who consumed us as if we were animals. Yes, there were some alterations in them and their behavior. But something so monstrous had never happened.

So, the changes in them, like the one that was now reflected in the iris of our eyes could mean only one thing. We, the angels, were changing.

"Devil! Devil!" The people were yelling while running in fear.

"We should stay out of this", the nightwalker said, watching the disaster.

"But people will get hurt", I protested, trying to distance myself from him in order to help the humans.

He rushed after me and grabbed my hand again, stopping me so abruptly that I almost lost my balance.

"We don't know anything about what's going on, Shiray. Let's not get ourselves killed right now." His fear seemed strange to me. Nightwalkers weren't the kind to back off a fight, that was basically their nature. Fight. Kill. Feed. And now he was asking me to go missing in the night as if we hadn't even been there. I couldn't help but turn my head from time to time to the burning creature, which was in no way disturbed by the high temperature of the fire that covered it. Even I felt a certain fear.

The demon continued to mourn his pain hanging from the roof of the house from which he had climbed, peering at the petrified people. He still wasn't expressing his intention to attack anyone else, though he may have still been a little confused. Maybe he didn't even know what was happening to him, at least that's how I interpreted the scene.

"You'll lose control again, Shiray", Zaras continued. "Don't risk everything."

In a way, he was right. I have paid my debts to people, no matter how much it would have hurt me to abandon them now. Maybe some of them were innocent, but their species was not, and my duty was now to those that I loved.

Sometimes you have to give up in order to win.

And my win was definitely not here.

"We need to go now", my companion insisted. Even a Nightwalker knew when to quit. I probably should too. But the truth is…

"I don't want to."

I snatched my cloak from my shoulders, revealing my wings in the light of the flames burning in front of me. I was tired of hiding and I was tired of running away from the shadows that followed me. I had left my paradise to protect, and lately, I had retreated into a void that consumed me.

Almost every time, I was too late to save the souls of others, but now I was here. I was present and I could do something. I was tired of watching death on the faces of others, of gathering and burying their shattered corpses, because I had not been able to protect them from harm.

They will never know how much I sacrificed for them and through what abysses I crawled myself.

They will not know how great my pain is and how much I mourn the lost lives of my people.

They won't know how much I loved them and how much I wanted to be like them.

But they will know that my mercy is greater than their selfishness.

They may not deserve me, but I deserve my peace. And I will not respond to hatred with hatred.

The nightwalker was unresponsive to me as I spread my wings to embrace the heavens and drew my sword to kiss the flames of hell. The humans also stopped running frantically and fell to their knees with their hands clasped in prayer.

The creature finally turned its attention to me, leaning against the beams of the house, which had begun to crumble under its weight. A blue glint passed through my eyes, and the markings on the sword began to glow in the darkness of the night. I could feel the control slipping through my fingers, but I was determined not to lose it, at least not this time. I am not my powers. I am not my powers.

In a split second, I rushed to the heights of the sky, those around me not even having time to process what had happened, and with an even greater speed, I descended directly towards the demon in flames, both of us collapsing in the ruins of the house. The wood of the house crackled under the strong impact.

I had fallen directly on the creature, so it had attenuated my fall and I had not been injured in any way. Only a few planks had followed us in the collapse, but they were easy to set aside. The sword stopped in his chest, penetrating his burnt flesh, but It did not seem to have put an end to the beast, because it was still moving, trying to free itself.

"Why aren't you dying?" I asked amazed.

Suddenly he threw me off him, passing me directly through the wall of the house. I stopped in some barrels and felt my bones rearrange themselves in my attempt to get up. I saw Zaras running towards me to help me, but he couldn't make it in time, the creature being much faster. The creature's claws wrapped around my neck, trying to break it, but unfortunately for him, my sword was still stuck in his chest. I rushed my hand to her handle and, catching it, I pulled the blade towards me. I didn't wait to think too much about the moment, as the edge of the sword cut the hand around my throat.

Zaras finally managed to come towards me, helping me to my feet, while the demon backed away, screaming in pain. He was trying to regain his balance and his will to attack me once again. I stayed in position, preparing my wings for any eventuality.

He also spread his decomposed wings, finally ready for the final blow.

"Move aside", I told Zaras, pushing him out of my way. He listened.

His roar echoed in the small village, becoming quieter as the demon began to rise higher and higher in the air. I didn't wait too long and I followed him, determined to end the chaos. When we saw each other again in the vastness of the sky, I could clearly see that that creature no longer had anything human in it. Even the look seemed to be of a wild animal. What was strange is that he was still in the stage of transformation. Maybe he didn't even know exactly his potential.

I didn't intend to see his final form, so I headed for him.

*

There was a sinister silence over the village. The fire was almost extinguished, but the disaster was still standing. In different corners, people were being reunited with their loved ones, others were mourning their dead, and others were searching among the ruins for what used to belong to them.

I was leaning against the trunk of a tree, looking at the decapitated body of the monster created by the blood of my people. Zaras also approached me and sat down next to the same tree.

"I've never seen anything like it. What do you think happened?" He was a little different, a little tenser, and he seemed to have given up the arrogant attitude that characterized him, perhaps realizing that the world was changing for him too, not just for me.

"We are changing. For several months, I have been feeling something change in me, beyond the powers that I have. It's like I'm losing a part of myself every day; like I'm becoming less me and more of something I don't know."

"But why?" The nightwalker asked.

"Perhaps we were cursed for a second time."

The conversation was interrupted by a family of humans standing in front of us.

"We wanted to ask for your forgiveness. For the things we did," the woman began to say, hugging her baby harder. Her eyes were watery, and her curly black hair was tangled and full of soot. Black streaks stretched across her tanned skin, and her clothes were torn and as dirty as her face. The man also had his head bowed to the ground, being too ashamed to be in our presence.

"C'mon, tell her you're sorry", the woman scolded her husband, slowly giving him an elbow to the ribs.

"I'm sorry", the man replied obediently. "We've done harm to your kind."

Honestly, I had forgotten how long it had been since I had last interacted with a human. Ever since the great separation had taken place, each had seen his own path and his own interest. We no longer helped each other, nor did we find ourselves on the roads. And now, I felt a pleasant warmth hearing their words and being around them again. I missed this.

The child detached himself a little from his mother's arms and stretched out his hands to my wings, trying to cling to a feather. He was dirty and ragged too, but his flushed cheeks and laughter made you overlook these things.

I smiled, not knowing what to say.

Zaras coughed slowly, trying to make himself seen, but they continued to ignore him, probably being too used to seeing nightwalkers passing through their village. He wasn't impressing them in any way.

"You should stay with us for the night. Let us reward you for your kindness", the woman took the initiative again grasping my hands in hers.

"Woman", Zaras intervened, "The creature. How did he become like that?"

"We've heard he ate a…", she paused to give me a regretful look before continuing. "An angel. Today he suddenly started to feel bad and see strange things, shadows. He kept saying that the end is here. Then he disappeared for a few hours, and the next time I saw him, he had already begun to transform."

The woman glanced quickly at her husband to wait for his confirmation to continue. In turn, he nodded in agreement. "We tried to contain him, but he attacked some of us. That's when the fire started. We finally managed to lock him in that house and left him there. Then you appeared."

"Have you seen anything like this before?" Apparently, Zaras had the art of interrogation in his blood. I think at a certain level he really enjoyed asking questions.

"No. Not really. But a few other villages were destroyed downstream. Maybe the same thing happened to them." Although she had gone through an unpleasant event, the woman spoke clearly and convincingly, her voice did not tremble and she did not confuse her words. Her husband was still silent. "Now, if you please, let's forget for a few moments what we all saw tonight", she concluded. "I think we deserve a drink."

The child was now struggling to be let go, and the mother complied, slowly lowering him to the ground. He barely touched the ground, as in two seconds he grabbed my feet, laughing with his mouth to his ears.

"Angel, angel", he repeated. I leaned over and grabbed his little hand, reading in his sparkling brown eyes all the innocence of his people. And not only. I could see myself, my reflection, smiling.

"For them, I descended", I thought to myself. "It was for them."